A
female
age
36-40,
*estinybound
writes:A few days ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said he was so confused about himself and where his life was going, and he wasn't sure what his future held. He said he felt like something was missing and he couldn't explain what and he felt like he was missing himself in himself. He said I was the best girlfriend he had ever had and I was perfect, but he was just so confused about everything in his life and he just didn't know what to do. He told me he loved and cared about me so much,and I was the best decision he had made in the past two years, but he wasn't sure if he could give me what I needed right now, and he was just so confused and upset with his life. He spent a lot of time sobbing crying, hugging me, kissing me, it was so hard to see him break down like that. But he ended it. He is the love of my life, and obviously I was and still am devastated. Odd thing is, he still hasn't changed my Facebook status to single (I did the night it happened) and still has all our pictures up. We have gone days without any contact, and I have decided to go out on a date tonight. He is a very sweet and caring guy, and I know I can't put my life on hold for my beloved ex. Well, I happened to post that I was going on a date on Facebook, and low and behold a few minutes later I get a text from my ex asking to see me tomorrow or Monday to get his car charger back. I'm just so confused right now. Why would he suddenly want to see me? Because I'm going on a date? He has a whole other car charger so he doesn't need this one. I'm still going to go on this date tonight, but I'm so confused. Any insight?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): Dating soon after a breakup is rebound dating. Your boyfriend was being pretty wishy-washy at the end; so maybe it would be cool in your case.
The problem with dating right away, is you get other people to start attaching feelings; and you already have unfinished business. It's okay, as long as the guy knows you just broke up with someone. That's how a lot of females cause fights.
The dates are usually gloomy, while he's trying his best to cheer you up. Or the guy is hoping there isn't going to be some crazy scene; because some angry ex shows up out of nowhere.
The highest percentage of dating soon after a breakup is because people were already seeing someone on the side; or it's done out of vengeance. WiseOweE has been around the block and I've seen a few things.
It's your life, and you can do with it as you please.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 August 2013):
 Just a comment, you going out and dating so soon doesn't have anything to say on how much you cared about your ex. People heal in different ways. I loved my ex very much, but I still went out on a date as soon as possible (with a different guy actually, not the one I mentioned in the post as that was a month or so later). I dated immediately afterwards. It's the absolute best way to heal and get over it, much better than sitting at home sulking and being a "proper" grieving girlfriend to "prove" your love for him to someone who wasn't even the relationship... But sure, I also got that comment from a friend "you can't have loved him much", and it pissed me off. What does she know?
So listen, you know how you felt about him, and whatever people may think is irrelevant. If dating right after a break-up is what you believe is best, then you do that. It doesn't change how you felt about your ex boyfriend, it doesn't say anything about how much you loved him. Moving on quickly doesn't mean you didn't care about it or didn't love him enough or weren't committed enough. So ignore such ignorant comments, no one knows what you felt about him, only you and your ex boyfriend knows what went down in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 August 2013):
"Odd thing is, he still hasn't changed my Facebook status2
Guys don't care about facebook that much. He probably hasn't been on or isn't bothered. It doesn't mean anything at all, and isn't particularly odd either. You'd clinging on to a faint hope, but his facebook activities are a dead end. It means nothing.
" He said I was the best girlfriend he had ever had and I was perfect, but he was just so confused about everything in his life and he just didn't know what to do."
I've been told this line several times too. It's a line. It doesn't mean what he actually says, it means "I like you, but not in that way, and I think there is someone else out there who are better for me". It's just that his way is more "polite" and less hurtful aka the "It's me, not you"-line.
"I know I can't put my life on hold for my beloved ex."
Correct. You can't put your life on hold for someone who doesn't want you in his life. You loved him dearly, and wanted to be with him, but OBVIOUSLY he doesn't feel the same way. And it's NOT because he is incapable of being in a relationship (unless you were his first ever girlfriend and he's got the maturity of a 17-year old). It's because to him, sadly, you weren't the love of his life.
"Why would he suddenly want to see me?"
To get his car charger back. Men aren't sneaky like that, they don't tend to make up excuses to see a girl they like. It could be he wants to see you because you are going on a date, but if the date was the reason then he's try to see you before the date. Not on Monday after the date. Maybe he wanted his car charger back the whole time, but figured he'd give you some space, but now that you are going on a date he figured you're "over" it enough to handle seeing him.
That, or, men can be territorial. They don't want you, and they don't want anyone else to have you. I also had an ex who got veeeery interested in me again as soon as I started dating someone else. And you know what? Big mistake. The guy I was dating was so sweet and gentle, I think we could have had a lovely relationship. He was so romantic, and I was relaxed and happy around him. Then my ex came along, and sweet talked, gave me gifts, wrote me a love poem even! Always contacted me, asked me to hang out, always approached me at school and especially if I was with my new guy, my ex would interfere.
And I had feelings for my ex, he was the one who dumped me. I loved that guy. And I was weak, I took him back and left the new guy I was dating. Big mistake. Because what happened? Well my ex grew tired of me again pretty fast, and I grew tired of him. I wasn't that much in love you see, not after he dumped me. Being dumped kinda stings, hurts, and break you down. My feelings had changed. Your feelings for your ex will NEVER be the same after he dumped you, because he broke the trust you had in him. If you got back with him you'd be forever insecure about whether or not he wants to be with you or leave you again. And the reasons he dumped you to begin with are still there, so it's unavoidable.
I can't even remember the "second" break-up, we just drifted apart shortly after we got back together. Stopped talking, stopped meeting up. I don't remember there even being a discussion about it, we just moved on. And the guy I had dated found a new girlfriend and they're STILL together (got them on facebook) and it's been 4 years. Now what does that tell you? That could have been me, in a happy relationship with him for 4 years... Hmm, makes you wonder doesn't it?
So no, do NOT start getting your hoped up for your ex. Go on the date with the new guy and stick to the new guy. The new guy is someone who WANTS you. Your ex is someone who DOESN'T want you. Of course you still have feelings for your ex, but you need to be with the one who actually wants you....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 August 2013):
 You are free to do whatever you want. If I were you I would tell him that you got him the charger and it's on the way in the mail. No need to post statuses on facebook and no need to check up on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2013): You know what is missing in your relationship.
Commitment.
No one who really cares that much, ends up dating a few days after a breakup. You move awfully fast, my dear. He may have had some suspicions; and you just confirmed that there was someone else in the back of your mind all the long.
You're dating far too quickly to just be on the rebound. You couldn't wait to get out and start chasing another guy.
Now you're going to play games with some guy, while you go back and forth with your "ex-of-a-few-days."
This is rich!!!
You really dressed it up pretty and put lipstick on it; so your indifference doesn't look bad.
Yet you claim you are all busted up about the breakup. He's a knucklehead who dumps you one day, and chases after you before the week is out.
Unbeknownst to him, you were already out there; and probably had a backup waiting all the long.
You two are a couple of tools. Your relationship lacks maturity, and has no true foundation to stand on. It was a hoax; and was more of a convenience, than it was of any real substance.
You were both ready to call it quits. Fast forward.
Let the games begin!
Seriously!?
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