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This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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My friend always brings her boyfriend to girls night out and it's annoying!
Q. My three best friends and I have been a group since high school. Now that we're seniors in college, we're busy but we still organize bi-monthly hangouts. I attend the same school as one of my friends whom I see more often. She is the one I see most ...
A. 27 October 2013: She's your friend, so why can't you just tell her the truth? Be diplomatic and respectful, but say it like it is. That you would like girls night out to be JUST the girls. That while your respect their relationship, he isn't a good friend of yours, ... (read in full...)
How can I get rid of my sex drive?
Q. I'm a 26 year-old single male, and I'm sick of my sex drive. Absolutely, 100% sick of it. People talk about sex like it's one of the great joys of life, but as far as I can tell, it's more burden than blessing. I'm sick of thinking about sex all the ...
A. 27 October 2013: Your best option is to see your doctor. It isn't weird at all, a high sex drive can be very troublesome, and it has come to the point where it interferes with your life, and makes you miserable. I think you need to take this seriously, as it has a ... (read in full...)
Is this what love is?
Q. What is Love? I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year now. I do care about her, have fun with her, find her funny, clever, beautiful etc. But is that what love is? I'm there for her whenever she needs, we never fight but do have the ...
A. 25 October 2013: No, you're not in love. Maybe you do love her, but your description sounds a lot more like habit. Not love. You're a nice person, of course you're going to treat someone else nicely. You're not horrible to everyone except those you love. So treating ... (read in full...)
Does FWB never lead to a relationship?
Q. If a man only wants friends with benefits, does that mean he will never want a relationship? I was wondering if it's possible for a man to change his mind and want a relationship with you?. I know a man who wanted friends with benefits with me...
A. 24 October 2013: "I was wondering if it's possible for a man to change his mind and want a relationship with you?" Yes, but it tends to only happen when the woman doesn't want a relationship with him. I guess it's got something to do with the indifference and... (read in full...)
How do I explain my time off?
Q. So I decided to take this year off due to complete exhaustion and stress. I've been in school for several years now, and I needed a break. I haven't told any of my friends yet, because in my past experience they have asked nosy questions. I di...
A. 24 October 2013: You have to be a bit brutal with them, I'm afraid. Many find it rude to tell people to mind their own business, but it's not actually rude at all. It's the nosy people who are rude. You need to put your friends, and everyone else, in their place, so ... (read in full...)
I want to make some positive changes in my life but I don't seem to be making any progress
Q. I cant help but feel like I've dug myself into a bit of a hole over the years. For a while now, I've been wanting to make some positive changes in my life to get myself out of it, but I just don't seem to get anywhere. I find myself drift in and out ...
A. 24 October 2013: You have described areas you think about, but you haven't told us what you actually want to do. And it's YOUR job to figure out what you want to do.
Next step is think about what you can do to change things. Im thinking you haven't actually... (read in full...)
Anxiety after losing my virginity to my cousin. Please help!
Q. About 2 years ago, i lost my virginity to my cousin, and just a few days ago, i got baked with some friends and i went home and was laying in my bed and just thought about my life and what have i done with it, and the topic came up in my head and it ...
A. 24 October 2013: Look, you're the first guy I heard of who speaks of his virginity as a precious gift. That's typically what girls are being told in conservative homes and societies.
Your virginity is what you make of it. Really. To you, at that time, it wasn't a... (read in full...)
My ex-bf's girlfriend walks around in her underwear around me and my boyfriend?
Q. So I need some advice on what to do. I'm going to try and keep this short. I met this guy, we'll call him joe. Met him, dated a month. When he kept pressuring me for sex I still said no, he got tired of waiting for me and broke up. Fast forward 2 ...
A. 22 October 2013: Dont lower yourself and play immature games. Btw, what did Joe have to do with any of this? How about acting like an adult and just tell her you are bothered by the nudity, and if she can put more clothes on when you are visiting? By the way she's ... (read in full...)
Should I trust my friend's judgement and possibly skip some heartache?
Q. So basically I like this guy at my college who's into music and stuff,but I've been way too nervous to talk to him. I told a friend of mine (who he happens to hang out with)that I liked him, and I joked that she should give him a hint that someone ...
A. 22 October 2013: I think you can trust your friend on this one. Even if you went on a date and got to know him yourself, hed probably just put up a show to look his best. With others he is his normal, rude self. Maybe it would be better to get to know him without ... (read in full...)
Continue to be on break or break up?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. For the past 3 months we live an hour away from each other. I see him once a week just on the weekends. before his parents moved we lived under a minute away. We are both in our twentys ...
A. 22 October 2013: He is being controlling and this is just a new way for him to try and get the upper hand. He will not change! People do not change! How many times do we need to hear, and say, this? A man will not change and a woman can not change him. You need to ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to go on dates with more than one guy?
Q. Dear agonyaunts, I am 27 and most friends my age are either married or in stable relationships. I have had two unsuccessful long-distance relationships and I am seriously trying to find a guy who is a good match and is worth sharing a life with. ...
A. 22 October 2013: When they both know each other you need to be careful. It depends on how well they know each other. But there is nothing unethical about cofee dates or other dates. The entire point is to explore and not be exclusive. Exclusivity is for official ... (read in full...)
I am a very professional, very good looking woman in a high-powered job, and I have a lot going for me in my life....but I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband!
Q. I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband. I cheated on him before he and I were even married, and I've cheated on him after we were married, and am still cheating on him. I cheat on him with one of my current co-workers on occasion. The co...
A. 21 October 2013: "But no point having therapy if you don't want to stop"
It sounded very much like therapy is a way to stop? But therapy isn't to try and make anyone stop or do anything really, it's just to figure out what you actually want or need.
And if ... (read in full...)
How much do guys care about acne?
Q. Hi.. Well here's my question.. I have acne it's not terrible but it is definitely noticeable and I cover up the redness but the bumps are still there... So I am 14 and all guys care about are looks! But how much do guys care about acne ? ...
A. 21 October 2013: Guys don't care about "looks" so much at that age. They care about boobs. Oh, and they like the popular girls just as much as the girls like the popular guys, no matter their looks.
When I was your age, I noticed guys would try to be with two... (read in full...)
I am a very professional, very good looking woman in a high-powered job, and I have a lot going for me in my life....but I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband!
Q. I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband. I cheated on him before he and I were even married, and I've cheated on him after we were married, and am still cheating on him. I cheat on him with one of my current co-workers on occasion. The co...
A. 20 October 2013: In response to Aunty Em: Therapy isn't treatment. You don't treat personality or behaviour as if it was the flue. Therapy is a way to understand your behaviour, understand yourself, and perhaps reach an answer.
Back to the OP:
Having th... (read in full...)
I am a very professional, very good looking woman in a high-powered job, and I have a lot going for me in my life....but I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband!
Q. I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband. I cheated on him before he and I were even married, and I've cheated on him after we were married, and am still cheating on him. I cheat on him with one of my current co-workers on occasion. The co...
A. 20 October 2013: If you want answers to your questions you need to seek therapy. Thats the only thing that will help you open up to underlying issues and what you really feel deep down. All of this that you describe barely touches the surface of who you are. And ... (read in full...)
How does one turn their emotions off?
Q. How do people keep from letting their heartache effect them? Better yet, how do people NOT have heartache? I know alot of scientist types... and I love their logic and how organized they are compared to me, but the thing I envy the most is how ...
A. 19 October 2013: One more advice. If you are afraid to share with a person in real life, try to write to dearcupid, or another online forum, and share your story. Writing about it also helps. It helps to put words to your thoughts. ... (read in full...)
How does one turn their emotions off?
Q. How do people keep from letting their heartache effect them? Better yet, how do people NOT have heartache? I know alot of scientist types... and I love their logic and how organized they are compared to me, but the thing I envy the most is how ...
A. 19 October 2013: "but the thing I envy the most is how they are able to just ignore their emotions!!!"
They aren't ignoring their emotions, most likely they just never felt that deeply for something in the first place. Some people need a loooong time to feel thi... (read in full...)
What should I do? My boyfriend is not pleased I am not a virgin.
Q. my boyfriend asked me if i'm a virgin or not.i told him the truth,am not a virgin and he's not pleased at all because he's a virgin.what should i do?...
A. 19 October 2013: Break up with him. Life is too short to spend it with people who don't like you, and who are not pleased with you for being who you are. You're not a virgin. You can't go back in time and change into one for his sake either, and even if you couldn't ... (read in full...)
Are girls turned off by an ugly penis??
Q. I used to masturbate very much, and this caused my penis to have some dark spots on it. Because Iam tan, it appeared that the spots are post inflammatory hyperpigmentaion. Iam virgin, but had oral sex couples times before it happened. My question ...
A. 17 October 2013: No, girls do not care about this. Most girls tend to not find the penis erotic about a man. The penis is a functional thing, not a thing to be admired. Women are far more occupied drooling over your biceps. If you have muscles a woman wouldn't care ... (read in full...)
Is this really an issue for counselling?
Q. Hello everyone. My boyfriend of 2 years has been wanting to go to counseling for awhile, but I don't think its necessary. He is just mad because I haven't looked for a job in the last month. I take 4 classes 2 days a week at a community college so I ...
A. 16 October 2013: You want my honest opinion? I think you need to start acting like an adult in a relationship, and stop being a child who wants to have her cake and eat it too. You want to go without a job, then who is paying for you? You're not a child. No one ... (read in full...)
Should I date a guy who is 9 years younger than me? I'm 28 and he's 19
Q. Im 28 years old and newly single, i'd rather stay single for a while to be honest but someones interested in me. The problem.is hes only 19 that is way too young for me but my friend doean't think so. I dont feel comfortable about that age gap but ...
A. 15 October 2013: No. Too young. Its not an age gap thing as much, more like you ending up like his mum. I dated a guy who just turned 20 when I was 23, and even that was too childish for me then! Theyre immature at that age, and endlessly hopeless and childish. I ... (read in full...)
She says we don't have enough "quality time" together, even though we're living together
Q. Ok this is my first time writing on something like this, but I know my girlfriend has asked for online help before and said its really helpful so here I am. We have been together for around 5 years I think and we've just moved in together but eve...
A. 14 October 2013: The problem was there before she moved in, and you just hoped it would disappear without having to deal with it. Sorry, you have to actually deal with it. She does have a full life, dont look down at her like that. She has a full life, her problem ... (read in full...)
I feel like there's competition and I'll never be good enough for my boyfriend.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have a mutual friend who is really slim, pretty and fun. I've known her all my life and my boyfriend met her through high school. Last week I was in an awful mood and all I wanted was for him to come and see me so I text him...
A. 13 October 2013: "This made me feel like crap. I'm nowhere near as pretty, slim or funny as her, I feel like there's competition and I'll never be good enough for my boyfriend. "
This boils down to two different things. 1. You are insecure and YOU are the one comp... (read in full...)
He thinks it's not healthy for us to be together because we are arguing, what should I do?3
Q. I met a guy on the 22nd of September 2013. We been talking every single day and been texting each other and said he wanted to be with me but nobody else. he is 24 and I am 26 . he told me he smokes weed and told him to stop smoking and had an ...
A. 13 October 2013: I'm going to translate for you. What he means isn't that you argue. You know you don't. You had that one argument. What he means is this: He wants to smoke weed, and he doesn't want to stop, and he doesn't want to be with you because you're going to ... (read in full...)
Can you sue someone for giving you an STD?
Q. Can you sue someone for giving you an STD? My ex boyfriend has contacted me, to say that he recently ejaculated blood and that if he has an STD he will be suing me. I haven't had a check-up for a few months, but last time I went to the doctors ...
A. 13 October 2013: No, he can't sue you. Obviously he isn't mentally well, and will try anything to get you back/get back at you. The way his moods swings, and the extreme lengths he goes to, say a lot about him not being mentally well.
He can't sue you, but you,... (read in full...)
If I cheated does that mean I don't love my g/f?
Q. If I've cheated on my girlfriend with the same girl, 4 times now. Does this mean I don't love her? Im so confused. Ive been with my girlfriend for 8 months. Yet met a girl in May, became really good friends really quick. There was chemistry be...
A. 12 October 2013: Yeah, you dont love your gf if you can betray her like that. If this other girl is so amazing why arent you with her instead? Its not that complicated. If you cheat you have already ended the relationship, you just havent got the guts to tell her ... (read in full...)
How do I choose where to live now that I'm on the job market? Boyfriend's or grandparents' town?
Q. I've just come to the end of my two College degrees, and I'm finally looking for my first graduate job… but I really can't decide where I want to live - back in my hometown at my Grandparents house or stay at my boyfriends parents house where I've ...
A. 11 October 2013: Oh, and no, a job is not permanent. Stick to the job for a year or two, then you can apply for new jobs, and move again whenever you.get a new job somewhere else.... (read in full...)
How do I choose where to live now that I'm on the job market? Boyfriend's or grandparents' town?
Q. I've just come to the end of my two College degrees, and I'm finally looking for my first graduate job… but I really can't decide where I want to live - back in my hometown at my Grandparents house or stay at my boyfriends parents house where I've ...
A. 11 October 2013: Apply for jobs both placed and make your choice when you actually have options. Being unemployed in either place should not be an option. You might have to find work a third place even. ... (read in full...)
We broke up because of facebook! Who's right?
Q. So a few days ago my girlfriend randomly starts acting cold and won't tell me what's wrong initially. She then spills the beans and tells me that she saw me on Facebook liking photos and statuses of girls that she knows I used to talk to. We ...
A. 11 October 2013: You are broken up, so why does it matter? Your problem wasnt facebook, your problem was horrible/missing communication. You were both right/wrong. You were both right in your actions/feelings, and both wrong in how to handle it.... (read in full...)
I worry that my girlfriend misses other women!
Q. Hi. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now and we live together and have a daughter. Thing is, she's bisexual. I often find myself worrying she misses other women. I've tried asking her and talking but she just says no and won't talk. ...
A. 11 October 2013: Youve got insecurity problems. Those are your problems, and you need to deal with them. Notice how you describe your concerns here. They are yours, not your girlfriends. Shes happy being with you, and doesnt need other women. But you still have a ... (read in full...)
What are people's opinions are on changing your mind about the way someone looks?
Q. I was wondering what people's opinions are on changing your mind about the way someone looks? A few months ago, I found out that my boyfriend told his friend last year that his ex was better looking than me and I wasn't all that great. I'm not ...
A. 11 October 2013: You are wrong. Attraction is tied to emotions as well. Without emotion (a year ago at the beginning of your relationship, and no emotions for an ex) attraction is seen without depth. It is comparable to looking at two pictures, deciding what looks ... (read in full...)
What are people's opinions are on changing your mind about the way someone looks?
Q. I was wondering what people's opinions are on changing your mind about the way someone looks? A few months ago, I found out that my boyfriend told his friend last year that his ex was better looking than me and I wasn't all that great. I'm not ...
A. 11 October 2013: You are wrong. Attraction is tied to emotions as well. Without emotion (a year ago at the beginning of your relationship, and no emotions for an ex) attraction is seen without depth. It is comparable to looking at two pictures, deciding what looks ... (read in full...)
Are we going somewhere or is this just casual sex?
Q. i dated a guy for a few months and than things got complicated and we broke up , but i miss him and he says he wants to be good friends that that is better than strangers but we've been hanging out again and we just can't resist each other we ...
A. 11 October 2013: This is just sex to him. And you can not sleep your way into.a relationship. Come on, thats something naive teenagers believe. This is just sex to him, nothing else. If you want a relationship you have to tell him. But look hard at why you want him. ... (read in full...)
Do they girls also like the guys chest
Q. Hey everyone, Do they girls also like the guys chest, as much as the case in vice versa? I am asking this because there was a girl at my university who used to stare at my flat chest fugitively, which made me wonder the point....
A. 11 October 2013: Depends on the person. Im sure I like my bfs chest more than he likes mine, hehe. I cant keep my hands away when he takes his shirt off. But generally girls arent more interested in a guys chest, than men are in womens breasts. Breasts get far more ... (read in full...)
My friend probably gave her one-night-stand guy chlamydia (he doesn't know it might be from her) and now I'm dating this guy. How do I ask him to get checked without exposing my friend?
Q. Hi all, I'm in a sticky situation! Straight to the point, I started university 18 months ago and quickly became good friends with a girl on my course. Since then we have been like best friends, we clicked instantly. She happens to be a girl ...
A. 10 October 2013: It is common curtesy to get tested before entering a new sexual relationship. Just tell him you want him to get tested before you have sex, and you will get tested as well. Or just ask him casually when his last check-up was. You will just have to ... (read in full...)
My friend probably gave her one-night-stand guy chlamydia (he doesn't know it might be from her) and now I'm dating this guy. How do I ask him to get checked without exposing my friend?
Q. Hi all, I'm in a sticky situation! Straight to the point, I started university 18 months ago and quickly became good friends with a girl on my course. Since then we have been like best friends, we clicked instantly. She happens to be a girl ...
A. 10 October 2013: It is common curtesy to get tested before entering a new sexual relationship. Just tell him you want him to get tested before you have sex, and you will get tested as well. Or just ask him casually when his last check-up was. You will just have to ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he won't accept me because of herpes
Q. I have herpes type 2. I get one bump, and thats it. Every now and again. Anyway, Im planning on going on a date with a man ive been talking to for 6 months, in a week. I know we are headed in a serious direction. He has a messed up past, being an ex ...
A. 9 October 2013: You will just have to face your fears, either he's fine with it or he isn't. Either way you have it, nothing to do about that. So you can't avoid this, you need to face it and see what happens.
But like Fatherly Advice says, I'm more worried ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's dad fancies me and it makes me extremely uncomfortable!
Q. I first met my boyfriend's dad when i was 14, i didn't give much attention to him, but he stared at me even then but not as much when i turned 15.. he tries to touch my shoulder a lot and even my breast, he constantly stares at my ass and flirts w...
A. 8 October 2013: Tell him to back off. You need to stand up for yourself. He is a pig, but the sooner you learn to speak up the better. Be firm. It is your body, you have every right to not want to be touched. Telll him to not touch you. ... (read in full...)
Should I be single going into college?
Q. My question is pretty straight forward (In my opinion anyway). I have been dating someone for a little over a year now, he's my longest relationship and I his. I love him with all my heart. We are Seniors in high school this year and college has ...
A. 7 October 2013: I think you should see what colleges you end up going to, instead of judy guessing on it. Make the decision when you reach the time of having to make it. Its too early now. You might even break up for other reasons by the time to go to college. Just ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my mother information I gave her about being abused by my boyfriend was false, without losing her trust?
Q. I'm going to make this as short and simple as I can. When I was between the ages of 4 and 11 I was molested by a step grandfather. I told my parents about this when I was 17 and naturally it's been hell ever since. this ties in with the questio...
A. 6 October 2013: I'm not a professional, but there are some things here in your story that concern me more than your question. To answer your question first, however, how to tell your mother the truth? Tell her the truth. The rest is up to her. And there are no ... (read in full...)
I am bringing bad luck to my boyfriends.
Q. Hello, I have a strange problem and I really hope I can find any answer for it or somebody who is having the same. So, everytime I fall in love and have a relation with some boy, he starts to have so much bad luck (for example lost work, broken lap...
A. 5 October 2013: I think the case is rather that you pick bad boyfriends. When you're not in a relationship with them you don't see/hear about the bad situations they get themselves into- Causing a road accident is NOT bad luck, that's being a bad driver and not ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
