A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a female sharing my house with two other females. One of them is like a mouse, she is very quiet and rarely comes out of her room. She has her boyfriend practically living with us but I don't mind because they mostly stay in her room. The other girl has her boyfriend and friends over every single week. They don't party but they usually cook dinner in the kitchen using all of my utensils and watch (my) tv in the living room while talking very loudly and smoking weed. I like to sleep early as I have a full time job and sometimes their talking or watching movies keeps me up until midnight. Just a few days ago, she had her boyfriend, his friend and two of her other friends spend the night without telling me before hand. Two of them slept on my couch in the living and their dog was barking at me while I was making breakfast! She's lived with me for about 3 months and this is the third time she's had friends spend the night.I don't mind if she has friends over but I would like them to stay quiet or in her room. I am VERY anal about my house and notice when dishes aren't cleaned after dinner or if there are crumbs or dirt on the floor, which is usually what happens when she has her friends over. So my question is should I talk to her about this? I don't want to create drama or cause tension. She and her friends aren't extremely bad, its just that I'm not a people-person and like my house quiet. Am I being unreasonable? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 January 2014):
 I think it's time that you and your roommates, your tenants actually, sit down and have a house meeting to discuss what is and is not appropriate in the home. It's going to be tough, but I'm sure you can do it. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your input guys! Yes, I have renters because I can't afford to live alone. If I could, no way would I have roommates. I don't have house rules written in the lease but before she moved in, I told her that I like to keep the house quiet and clean so I won't tolerate parties or anything like that. She then told me that landlords love her because she is tidy, respectful and almost never home, which is why I let her move in. She was gone a lot for about a month but now she's home every day and brings people over every week, with weed, dogs etc.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 January 2014):
 I assume you have renters because you have no choice.
If you are anal about your home perhaps not having roommates would work better for you if you can pull it off.
Were the rules clearly outlined when you took on these renters? IF NOT, you need to backpedal and create new rules and give them an out on their lease if they wish.
Perhaps you can institute weekly house meetings to air the grievances and go over what you expect.
And should you talk to her about it? OF course! your other option is to get angrier and angrier and anger is never a good place to approach from.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 January 2014):
I guess I would ask f you are very particular and anal and concerned etc about your house, why didn't you specify the restrictions?
I understand not wanting unpleasant roommates but you need to deal with it before they move in.
If you are a conflict-avoidant type of person then you will need to find someone to act as your agent in order to specify and enforce the rules and regulations that you can as a landlord.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 January 2014):
What did the lease you wrote for them say?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): You are not being unreasonable at all. You are renting a room to "her". She has no right allowing strangers into your home, and having them sleep on your furniture without first asking you if you would mind. As far as smoking weed, that could get you into some serious trouble. I would absolutely talk to her about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): You need to have a chat with your tenants. You are the landlord and you have to be honest and straightforward.
Time to set some house-rules. People will push it to the limit, if you don't say anything. You can't have roommates, if you're too timid to keep things under control. It's your house!
You should write up a contract and list some rules governing guests and housekeeping. You should have them sign it. If there is a violation, then they pay a small fine.
Try to be reasonable about inviting over friends; but the house should be left they way they found it. You should be asked ahead of time, if people sleep over. You don't have to tolerate the use of drugs in your house. That's why people hangout there, to be free to do as they please; and treat your home like a flophouse. That is disrespectful and you shouldn't put up with it.
You should also set a time during the week when visitors have to leave. So you can get your sleep. Don't try to be the cool roomie; because you'll end up the pissed on roomie.
Everyone's sneaker prints will be all over your body. Not to mention your house will become a dump. The furniture will be destroyed; and they'll move out, and leave it a total mess.
Take control and show you've got some nuggets. People are taking advantage of your good nature.
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A
female
reader, lessons_learned  +, writes (15 January 2014):
No it's not unreasonable to ask for notice of guests or quite after a certain time. If you don't like them smoking dope, then you can ask them to stop, it is illegal. But she dose pay rent and is entitled to watch tv and use your utensils. Then common areas in the house are hers to use too, she is paying for it. You got lucky with your other tenent, they are obliged to hide in their room all the time. I understand if your not a people person, and a neat person I must b frustrating to have people in your house. But you chose to take on tenents, and your happy to take their money so you'll have to live with them. Have an informal cat about the few issues you have, but try to keep it light or it may cause an atmosphere it is her home too not not just yours any more, good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 January 2014):
 Well ideally you should be able to discuss this with her in a calm and easy-going conversation. Ideally, you could ask her if she could try to be a bit more quiet when she has friends over and to make sure they clean up after themselves when they are done. Unfortunately, it doesn't always go this way. People get offended and feelings get hurt. Etc.
If it's your house, it's your rules. But it's also fair to compromise, as well, since they're paying rent. If you know you are very anal and particular, try to be a little accommodating. Otherwise, having other roommates will be rough for you. A nice, fair, middle ground would be ideal.
If you don't like pot smoking in your house, which I wouldn't, you should ask her to do that at another friends place. And ask her not to have her friends bring their dog if they stay the night. Also, just ask her to in general please try to keep it down as much as possible and to clean up after everything is used. I think that's all that generally needs to be said. And it's not what you are asking for that's the concern. it's how you say it. you can make anyone do anything you ask if you word it in a polite and proper way. Just don't come at her with aggression or any condescending tones. Just speak like you're calm and collected and not mad. Like it's a general, light-hearted conversation. If you do that, everything should be fine.
Worrying about her using your stuff isn't the issue. You furnished the place, so don't hold it over their head that they are using your stuff, like your utensils and your TV. it's your house after all. So of course you have it furnished. and it's there for all to use. So I wouldn't mention that in your conversation.
Good luck.
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