A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My (now ex) boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago after being together for about a year. I am 18 and he is 16 and we're in high school. I wasn't expecting it at the time but now when I think back, all the signs were there about a week before the breakup and I was just in denial about it (he distanced himself, less physical affection, etc.) I really love this guy and he had me believing that he loved me too and he told me he wanted a future with me and made a lot of promises to me. I tried my best to be a good girlfriend but I didn't smother him or anything.His reason for breaking up was that he was never really into me, and he only went out with me because our friends pressured him into giving me a chance. I feel hurt and lied to, and I don't know why he would tell me multiple times that he loves me if he really didn't. He said he did love me at one time, but he ended up just saying it to make me happy :( I feel dumb because I was so devoted and loving to someone who didn't truly care for me all this time. Then to make everything worse, I found out that he already likes someone else and is trying to go out with her. Only a day after breaking up with me! I suspect that this was the real reason he broke up with me but that he is too cowardly to tell me that. He says that wasn't the real reason he broke up with me; he says that's "just how guys are" (wtf???) I was his longest relationship, and all his past relationships (if you can call them that) lasted a few weeks to a month, and they were one right after the other. He says being with me "changed him" but now he is "becoming someone he never wanted to be" (not sure what he's talking about.) I just feel like crap about myself and feel like I wasn't good enough to keep him and this other girl must be a lot better. :( It's only been two days since the breakup and I'm coping, hanging out with friends, distracting myself, etc. but I can't shake the feelings of betrayal and anger and the loneliness I feel when I lay in bed at night. And I still have to see him at school occasionally so that sucks. I haven't been single in a really long time so I figured I will just avoid relationships until I can get used to and be happy with being single. And I feel like avoiding relationships from now on because it feels like the bad outweighs the good, and the longer it lasts the more it hurts when it ends. But this has been a huge blow to my self esteem :( He told me that I really didn't do anything wrong and it wasn't my fault. He asked me if we could "start over and be friends" but I told him that I'm not ready for that. I'm just so confused about everything that's happened. What is your opinion of what truly caused us to break up? Is our age difference possibly related? Any tips for moving on from this? Thank you for reading this and for helping me out.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 January 2014):
 Don't feel bad! Immaturity caused the breakup as well as teenage adolescent status of both of you. However, let me point out something that might not have occurred to you:
You said this: "He says being with me "changed him" but now he is "becoming someone he never wanted to be" (not sure what he's talking about.)"
Here's what he was talking about - HE WAS CHEATING ON YOU. He didn't ask her out a day later, he was seeing her behind your back, and he felt guilty for doing that to you. That's why the distance, the pulling back, and ultimately the "not into you" excuse.
He cared a lot more about you than he's letting on now, and no, that's definitely not "how guys are", just how cheaters are.
Do not be his friend. Do not start over. He's dead to you, and that's the only way for you to move on instead of obsessing on your own self-esteem and his actions.
On a logistic note, depending on which state you live in, he might have been doing you a HUGE favor because of the age of consent laws. You being 18 means you'd have been having sex with a minor with the outside chance of some surly parent or vindictive person turning you in for statutory rape (highly unlikely, but they're charging someone for it right now in Florida with the same age spread as you and your ex).
I think you'll find someone so much better than this guy. Take time to yourself, talk to your friends, eat some ice cream (or lowfat frozen yogurt :)) and you may find that there were people waiting in the wings with huge crushes on you hoping you'd drop this flaky punk. But DON'T WAIT for him to get dumped by Ms. 1-day and come crawling back to you. You don't need that anymore.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 January 2014):
 What caused the break up is he's a 16 yr old boy and you are an 18 yr old girl.. and breakups happen to teenagers
YOU did nothing wrong and I don't think he lied to you or used you.. he just is ready to move on... and you are not..
I'm betting that if you are a senior and will be going off to college in the fall you would have been the breaker instead of the breakee had this not happened now...
it's how life is..
of course he broke up with you because he likes someone else... that's USUALLY how relationships at your age end... because someone else as caught their eye.
you are wise to be single (for a while)
you did NOT do anything wrong... this is not about YOU.. it's not personal. that's the hardest thing to understand... what he did is not because of how you did or did not love him or how you do or do not feel... it's not about YOU at all... it's all about him....
it's been two days... give yourself two weeks then update us and we can talk more.
...............................
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