A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am So Confused..... My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years we have a 12 year age difference I am older. but we clicked since the moment we met. we are best friends, the sex is amazing and we have always said we love each other no matter what was to happen. Recently he decided he needs space to go live his life. I didn't know how to react. he said he loves me but he needs to go experience life. we have been living together for 2.5 years. I can't imagine my life without him. like I said before he is my best friend. I cried of course but agreed that it was the best thing for him. we got his things together. he moved into an apartment with his sister. I didn't want him to feel like I would force him to stay. we made love up until the last night he was here. we laid in bed the morning on day he left and you could see the tears falling from his eyes. every time he hugged me we would cry. I don't want to lose him for good. I wanted to marry him. he is the most amazing person I have ever met in my life. what do I do?? how do I get over these feelings. should I just let him go even though he is the love of my life??
View related questions:
best friend, moved in, needs space Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 January 2014):
 Sadly you met him at the wrong time. and you must let him go.
I'm 13+ years older than my husband. I'm going to be 54 in March... he is 40. had I met him at 20 when I was 32 it never would have worked for us...
Age gaps work best when they are large if the partners are both past 25 at bare minimum. even 30 is better....
LET Him go... and honestly I would let him go 110% tell him
"I love you enough to push you away so you can be yourself and enjoy yourself" It's a huge risk you take but if you truly LOVE HIM... you want HIM happy.. and he needs to do this (be on his own) to be happy. He can't be on his own and figure out if he really needs/wants you if you are even on the FRINGES of his life.
Let him go 100%.
get your closure now... do not "bug him"
if he starts contacting you in any sort of regular way just to touch base it will hurt and you need to tell him that... say "we need to be apart 100% fully so you can figure this out."
then do it.
it will hurt but you can't make him be what you want.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 January 2014):
 So you were 30 when you met him, and he was 18?
He's 21 now and wants to live his free single days. It could be a result of what friends told him or his wish to enjoy his youth untied down.
He's a young guy facing college, the start of adult life and all that. You had your free single youth 12 years ago.
If you love him as you say, you have to let him go. No continuing friendship, no contact, nothing like that. It's better to get the hurt out of the way now while the breakup is bittersweet than try to hang on, get hurt because he starts seeing other people, and have what was beautiful turn really sour and nasty.
Let him go, and he may come back to you, or he may not. But this is no "he needs space". This is a breakup. Whatever you do, DO NOT have nostalgia sex. If you do see him, or if he drops in on you, don't give into sleeping together during your breakup. It's not fair to you, and you have no idea how many age different relationships which break up become Friends-With-Benefits because the woman can't let go and the guy knows he can have the girlfriend experience without having a girlfriend.
Save the pain, mourn the end of the relationship, and let him go. He may change his mind, and he may not. YOU may change your mind too, because I know you don't want to be free, but this may be a future blessing in disguise for you as well. So stay hopeful, wish him the best, and then stop all contact.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): When someone tells you they want to live their lives on their own, you breakup with them; and allow them to live their lives as they choose. You move on. He doesn't want what you want.
You knew the odds of marrying the guy were slim from the very beginning. You're feeding your frustration by clinging to the past. You now let it go, and you look forward to the future.
You discontinue contact, you rebuild your own life, and you get over him. There are no magic words we can offer that will reverse his feelings, or turn back time.
You want to keep him, he wants to go. That means it is over.
So you accept the reality of your situation, and seek your love and happiness elsewhere.
...............................
|
