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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and we don't fight often so I'm very sad and confused about this.Yesterday, my friend (who is also my boyfriend's best friend, and he has a crush on me) texted me and said "Your boyfriend is so dumb. He was trying to get me to tell him who he liked so he said "I'll tell you who I like if you tell me" so I was confused from this message because unless my boyfriend wasn't talking about me, why would he say "I'll tell you who I like" if his friend already knows it's me? I asked my friend "So he's saying he likes someone else?" And the friend said "idk my phone is about to die sorry".I got worried and I tried several times to contact my boyfriend but his phone was dead. Late that night he finally contacted me. He seemed to be in a bad mood from the very beginning of the convo. I told him about what his friend texted me and my boyfriend said "Why would you believe him? He is hardly ever serious and he loves to f*ck with people and you know that." So I said "I don't know why I believed him, he never said he was kidding or anything so I got worried" and my boyfriend said "I like you who the f*ck else would I like?" And that shocked and hurt me because he has never spoken to me like that before....then I said "I'm sorry I guess I just misunderstood what he was telling me" and he said "I'm going to bed good night."So now it's the next day and I still feel sad and hurt that he talked to me like that. We haven't talked all day and I'm sorta waiting for him to talk to me or apologize to me or anything. I think I did overreact to his friend's text but I don't feel like I deserved to be talked to the way my boyfriend talked to me. What should I do now? Thank you very much
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 January 2014):
 I'm going to play devil's advocate here....
while Aunty Bim-Bim gives great advice here (and other places) and I agree with her that the "friend" is not a friend but rather may be trying to "uncleave" you from another so he can have a shot at you (and if you make sure the friend knows he never has a shot at it this may help)
I am a bit concerned about the boyfriend's reaction to it...
if he's never cussed like that then his OVER THE TOP reaction may reveal that he got caught in a bit of deceit. He may have a crush on someone else... it does not mean he is cheating or lying... but he may not understand that finding another person attractive is not cheating on your partner nor is it not allowed. He's partnered not dead.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2014): Here's the scenario.
Your boyfriend's best friend is sending you "messages" and you accepted it (1st insult). He's aware of his crush on you. Not your fault. His point was to rat on his buddy.
You frantically attempt to reach your boyfriend to confirm hearsay from an outsider (2nd insult).
You didn't trust your boyfriend enough to doubt the bullsh*t; and put a bug in his friend's ear suggesting that he stay out of your business(3rd insult). You trusted his word.
When people commit to you; you don't listen to rumors and hearsay without first giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Even before that, considering the source of the rumor and the motive behind it.
When you confront your boyfriend regarding something you've heard; be armed with evidence to back it up. The last thing you'd want is; for him to come to you with grapevine gossip, about what some guy said about you.
Placing you in the position to defend yourself based on hearsay! It can be very damaging and infuriating.
Swearing at you and raising his voice was uncalled for.
There are calmer ways to respond, even when you're totally pissed off. I think he is more pissed at his friend, but he didn't hold back some of that anger for the one more deserving.
He cut his own throat, now he's mad at you?
I don't believe his friend's motive was a good one.
His intent was to drive a wedge between you. He succeeded. Boyfriend should have confronted the jerk first. Then talked with you in-person, through a civil conversation regarding the matter. It was just BS between bros. He was talking out of his hat. There may be no fact to it at all. His friend could have made it all up. It just doesn't make any sense.
He lost his temper with you, when he should have calmed you down. WRONG ON MANY FRONTS!!! He's still got some explaining to do!
You probably reacted the way 95% of people would have reacted. The other 5% probably would have told the friend to go screw himself.
You don't usually argue. You're due one. So calm down. Give him time to cool off. Once he confronts his friend, he will sort everything in his head and realize you weren't the one who deserved to be yelled at.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 January 2014):
 The first thing you need to do is call your boyfriend, why are you waiting for him to call you?
Call him, tell him you just wanted to hear his voice or something like that, ask him if you are going to hang out, just make the first move.
Secondly, realise your friend is not your friend, he deliberately set out to cause problems between you and your boyfriend, your boyfriend knows him for a trouble maker, he was probably surprised you fell for his crap.
So next time he tries to create trouble just respond "yeah whatever" or something, he really doesn't deserve the time of day from you, so if you can block his number without causing big problems in your group of friends do it.
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