A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My fiancés daughter had their first child and we went to see her and the child. I am friends with her on facebook although we don't communicate with each other much. We took a bunch of pictures of course and the few pictures I put on facebook I tagged her and her father of course so the pictures would show up on their facebook pages. The day they went up, she untagged all the pictures of her father holding the baby and ones of me. She left one up of her holding the baby because I think a relative on her husband's side shared it on his page or maybe to be nice. I'm not much of a facebook user so I don't know all the rules. I just thought she would want to see the pictures and especially of her dad holding his grandbaby. I got to thinking she didn't want her mother (her dad is divorced) to see another woman holding the grandchild. I felt bad for my fiancé though because she took his pictures down too. Is untagging a control issue, is it silly, is it mean. She can do whatever she wants because I know it's her facebook page. What are your opinions on this. I'm not an up to date facebook user by any means. I know I won't do that again and I didn't mean to offend anyone. I guess I should have asked her if it was okay to do that. Sigh, the internet sure has changed things.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 January 2014):
 I would just send her an email and let her know that you aren't familiar with FB- etiquette (which sounds like an oxymoron anyways, but I digress) let her know that next time you will just e-mail her the pictures.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 January 2014):
 I would NEVER tag a child. In fact, I do not share pictures of my friends children or grandchildren without express permission from the parent.
As for adults (i'm in your age range btw) I have ONE friend who has requested I NOT tag her... and I do not.
I will tag my brother to get his attention... or my SIL when I want her to see her brother (my husband who is not on facebook)... but other than that unless it's a group event with my facebooking groups (we have several local support groups on facebook) I don't tag often.
And if I am tagged in something I hate I will remove it or ask the owner to untag me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014): The OP here. Yes, his divorce has been legally over for almost a decade. I'm not sure about emotionally, because I don't hear good things about her, maybe some good sprinkled in with all the bad. His ex-wife is remarried. I am sure his daughter took them down to spare her mother and not cause a family drama. I won't tag her next time and we can e-mail them the pictures. I will just post on my page.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 January 2014):
From what I have seen you don't post pictures of anyone's kids, you ASK them first. You could have mailed her some of the pictures so she can DECIDE if she wants to post any or not.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (15 January 2014):
 Has her mother remarried or met someone new? Was your fiance's marriage completely over (legally AND emotionally) before you met him? If no to any of the above, I think you're right... she may have untagged the photos to spare her mother from seeing her ex-husband happy with a new woman.
It's also possible she is a private person, or afraid she'll come across as 'oversharing' about her child. We all know that person who posts absolutely every time their kid blinks or smiles or poops or cries or whatever... maybe she wants to make sure she's not doing that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014): I don't think it's mean, or silly, but it is a control issue which she's entitled to and it doesn't sound too unusual.
The important thing not lose sight of is that she brought her child by to visit you and your fiance in the flesh. You probably haven't offended her, she probably just has her privacy setting set to approve all tags of her and her child. It's not a big deal.
The rule of Facebook is to assume everyone will see whatever you post...Unless you want drama with friends, nosy questions, or potential employers being unimpressed, Facebook has to be a control issue about what you share...If you prefer to keep your social spheres separate, or if you have people in your life who are sensitive and prone to drama(perhaps like her mother as you suggested), you have to manage where you or your family name shows up. You have a right to post whatever you want, as much as you have a right to limit where people post you.
If you're worried you offended her, ask her if she'd liked emailed photos rather than posts online next time you take photos. She'd probably appreciate the consideration. I can understand your worry about doing something wrong, but I don't think you have and I think this will blow over.
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