A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi wondered if you could help me make sense of this weird situations. I have been friends with a guy for roughly 6 years, used to be very close but drifted apart after a fall out. The fallout was because after he got with his new gf he told me he doesn't want to come out anymore he just wants to focus on her. I understand that in any new relationship that happens to an extent but I am not here to be used. Either way it didn't help that I don't like his gf (I don't think I was the only one either). From the moment he got with her he got extremely attitudy, shes rude, loves attention and he even went against his beliefs to keep her as a gf. Deep down we all know its because hes insecure and his mates wind him up, He knew he risked loosing her if he didn't sleep with her after afew weeks. He denies this but truth is every girl hes been with has dumped him and gets big headed because he had a gf.I also can't get along with her as her family caused me problems many years ago when I was younger. I'm not willing to admit what it lead to on a public site but I cannot get involved with them as I do not trust them.To make it slightly more complicated years ago me and my mate had abit of a thing that ended as quickly as it started. He ended it, yet seemed unsure about it at the time but to be honest it wasn't what I wanted so we remained friends. So I can see why she is weary of me but he should know better than to let her come between a friendship because of a mistake from years ago. (This probably is irrelivant but thought I was add it in)We regained contact and spoke regularly, until one night when I got a simple text off him saying hey how are you? xx at the early hours of the morning. This was nothing out the blue as he normally text me either when she was at work or late at night (he worked nights) I replied the next morning at 7am and saw it got read straight away (phones tell you) and it made me wonder why he was up at that time on a weekend. It then occured to me he could of taken her to work but the weird thing was he didn't reply, yet he was the one to text me. So I have no idea if he was ingoring me or if she read it and didn't tell him.Thing is since then he doesn't text me, and he rarely replies to me. He also has a new job now working 9-5 so its not like he has the time away from her to reply in the day. The other weird thing is is that his best friend and his gf have become really pally with them two suddenly, after a year of having nothing to do with his gf. And suddenly his best friend deletes me off facebook, out the blue. I'm not too bothered we didn;t speak often but it just added to the fact that this is all happening after he asked how i was that night.Could I have done something wrong, or is it her controlling him? Friends in my group ask how he is now we never see him and I just don't know what to say. We were very close friends and I'm sad to have lost him as we had alot in common
View related questions:
at work, best friend, facebook, insecure, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 January 2014):
 I doubt you did anything wrong
as for her "controlling him" no that's not the case either.
what this is, is a friendship that has faded with time as the parties involved grew and matured and changed.
Sometimes you can't hold on to the past.
you dislike this girl because of something HER family (NOT HER) did to you.... She is his gf and as such his loyalties are with her..
also with calling the fact that his BF and his GF hang out with your friend and his gf weird makes no sense.. couples like to spend time with other couples... makes perfect sense to me.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 January 2014):
 You ask an either/or question, "could I have done something wrong, or is it her controlling him?" I think the question you should be asking his "Why and I tolerating a half-assed, hidden friendship with an ex who has merrily chosen a woman whose person and family is so appalling I live in fear of even laying eyes on them?" Basically, why are you setting yourself up for further injury and hurt feelings?
I would classify him and his girlfriend and his BFF to the bin of 'ancient history.' He's made a choice, it was a bit sleazy of him to text you behind his girlriend's back and get your hopes up for some sort of reconciliation between you two.
I would further classify him as an 'official weirdo' and thank my lucky stars that he is out of my life and no longer causing drama. That of course means that you no longer contribute to the drama in any way.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 January 2014):
 I guess you'll just have to put this friendship on the back burner for now. Don't dwell on it, friendships do come and go. Besides, if she is such a horrible person then he most likely won't be with her for long.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): Hi I'm the orignal poster of this. Thanks for your answer, I understand what you are saying, however if that was STILL the case. Why did he become friends with me again. What you have said was the inital reason for us falling out, I am entitled to my opinon on her and he respected that me n her will never get along. No one can expect me to be friendly with someone who basically messed my life up to the point 13 years later I am still terrified if I see any of them out in town. Surely he would of never got in contact with me again if this was the case, however all my friends have said it strange how it was after he txt me which makes me wonder if she had ago at him for talking to me. Just a thought.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 January 2014):
 Your friendship got to a point where he had to make a decision, the friend who doesn't like his girlfriend, has issues with his girlfriends family, says his girlfriend is rude, and a friend who knows the only reason he makes certain decisions is because he is weak and insecure or his girlfriend.
He has chosen his girlfriend.
...............................
|
