A
male
age
41-50,
*nonymus2012
writes:my gf and i have been in a ldr for almost two years and we are about to close the distance and move in together this year. first step before proposing ;) we asked different questions to each other to make sure we would exactly what we are getting ourselves into, questions like sleep overs, clubbing separate ways and so on.she asked me if i would be ok if she would like to go out for holidays for a week or two with her friends, lets say mallorca, turkey or mexico. im old fashioned and honestly i felt uncomfortable with that question because i know i wont be happy if she decides to go out party with other people in some exotic place.what do you think abput your partner going out for holidays by herself or other friends?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (15 January 2014):
 Fact is you both maintained a LDR with ‘trust’ did you not; and yet still went about your own lives somewhat separate from each other, and during such time people do make plans and still have goals and dreams to realise… Perhaps your girlfriend enjoys travel, and has had these plans/ideas for a long while and can see nothing wrong with pursuing them even if you choose to close the distance by moving in together.
If you have other ideas/values about clubbing and holidaying apart then you are best to communicate your suggestions to her by e.g. holidaying together to explore exotic places together and start building an Album of memories yourselves.
Meanwhile I wouldn’t expect old social habits to just dry up immediately as you’re both used to being without the other for so long? Give it a bit more time before proposing the big question and see if you’re on the same page as each other.
For me, on the other hand, I’d be more curious about knowing her friends and her need to share those (exotic) places with them instead of you after all this time. Personally; family that play together stay together and yet I don’t mind exercising a bit of autonomy once in awhile myself.
Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): I travel every year without my husband, either myself or with a friend. Travelling is my passion, and if my husband forbid me to do it, we would have a very serious problem. Not only it would be an insult , but not to be able to do my favorite things because he said so???I travel with him also, but I also take another 4 weeks a year without him. I f I wanted to cheat, I would do right in front of his nose, I don't have to travel for it. About travelling with a guy. It depends, though I never travelled with a guy friend, but it really depends on a person. We have couple friend's who compliment me excessively, with those I wouldn't go but with some it would be completely safe. The bottom line is that I don't think you trust your girlfriend enough, and that is the a real problem
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 January 2014):
 Here in the USA we don't OFTEN go to other countries but girls weekends and trips abound.
a few years back I did a nearly 2 week road trip with my BFF. I called in every night and checked in with my then husband (we have since divorced not due to my trips)... I even walked drunk down Bourbon Street in NOLA...
September last year I went for a 2 night girls spa weekend with my friends. My then fiance (now husband) acted a complete whiny baby and after a few drunk stupid calls from him I shut off my phone and ignored him.
I am going next weekend on a road trip again and sadly I know my husband reacts badly to my going away so I am going for a mere 3 nights.
There is NOTHING wrong with couples doing separate things and taking separate trips with same sex friends. ( I would Never take an overnight trip with an opposite sex friend without my spouse)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2014):
 I don't really see the problem either. You are already living apart, so you both go do your thing and apparently going on a holiday would be different then her going out clubbing at home? Why?
Do you not trust her to know that she HAS you?
I had a vacation planned after my husband and I started dating (two weeks in Corfu with some girl friends) and I would have gone regardless. He didn't have a problem with it and I know he still went out with his room mate and other friends while we were apart.
If you two have decided to be each other's future, you are going to have to trust that she won't do things that are detrimental to the relationship. You will have to have some faith in your bond.
However, I think it's TOTALLY OK to not feel comfortable with it either as long as you can CONVEY that to her without telling her WHAT to do.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 January 2014):
 You didn't specify abroad in your ldr. However, I maintain that even just doing the long distance thing is ultimately the same thing. Being apart and doing your own things.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 January 2014):
Why wouldn't you be okay with it? Would you be worried she would cheat? If so, then trust is not secure in your relationship.
You already live abroad. You two are basically doing this already. When she goes out, she's without you. And vice versa. So what's the difference, really?
I, personally, see no reason why she shouldn't go with her friends. It sounds like fun.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 January 2014):
 I'd be fine with my husband taking off with buddies of his. I totally trust him. Likewise, I've taken off on adventures with friends. New York, Vancouver, Vegas, Sedona, Miami, I've been to nearly every state in the US (next is Alaska!), and my husband, lucky man, has been to India, the UK, the Netherlands, Germany and more. We travel hard together and apart, and he's never had a problem with me going and partying.
If you're in a long distance relationship, you already know what trust is. What's the difference?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): My wife does that quite frequently. We're at the age where our friends are getting married and settled down. Besides her own hen party she's been to various exotic locations on three of those last year. She went to New York before xmas with 4 friends to do some shopping and go clubbing there. I'm fine with all that OP, I know my wife, she's smart and she's very principled. No matter how wasted she gets, and I mean drugs and drink, she doesn't let guys cross boundaries with her.
We partied for years, took every drug that was floating around and still drink regularly. So I know what type of person she is in party mode and no other guy stands a chance. In terms of safety she doesn't go off with strange men, she doesn't ever leave her group and she has excellent friends who look after each other. Even if she was that way inclined she has the type of friends that would stop her, even the promiscuous ones.
Above all though I know how she feels about me and how important I am to her. She even wrote me a three page letter for xmas detailing how 'amazing it is' to be my wife and she can't believe she got so lucky etc.
That said, just her and a guy friend? No chance. But that's not something she'd ever really contemplate anyway.
Keep an open mind OP. You're neither right nor wrong, you can't choose what makes you uncomfortable. But keeping an open mind means not discounting it completely as there may be circumstances you'd be fine with or as you get to know each other as live-in partners you may see a solid, principled woman who even while mashed off her face is dependable.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): I've got too much of my paranoid mom in me... I'd never want to go out of the country alone. So as far as going by herself... that's a no-no imo.
But tbh, if it were gender flipped I'd be ok with it. That's just my own traditional safety bias.
If you could in some way assure that safety is not an issue, then yeah I'd be ok with it.
Seems to me you aren't ok with the partying, as opposed to the traveling...
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 January 2014):
 Does she go out and party with other people in some domestic place? Is this an ongoing issue for you two?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 January 2014):
 My husband and I are fine with one travelling abroad with friends because we're not party people. For us it really would be a sight seeing adventure. We seldom drink and don't drink to excess when we do and neither of us is likely to go off with strangers.
If your girlfriend is a party girl or is inclined to be influenced by one, then I can understand your misgivings.
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