A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 and a half years, and though I don't think we've ever been better, I feel like we could have sex more often.He likes to have sex at bedtime because he usually conks right out afterwards, but when I'm ready to go to bed it's because I'm tired and want to sleep so I like to do it well before. It's gotten to the point where sometimes I feel like he just feels obligated to have sex with me because I frequently bug him for it. I appreciate it, but obviously it's no fun at all if he's just doing it to make me happy. He'll say, "I'm not 18 anymore!" despite there not being any actual proof about 'sexual primes'. He was pretty slutty back in the day but it's not like you can run out of sex drive right? In your early 20s? (And if sexual primes turn out to be a real thing, I'll be doomed when I'm 30 if he can't keep up now.)And as for 'spicing it up', we've tried a whole bunch of stuff (toys, lingerie etc.) and we'll use stuff like that from time to time but we're not crazy about it.I guess (sort of answering myself here) it's not that he doesn't want to have sex, we just hardly ever want to have sex at the same time even though I (pretty much) usually want to. I could still use some input if you have any!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 January 2014):
 I'm a morning girl (age 53 almost 54)
my hubby (age 40) is a night time guy.
We have compromised and sometimes we go at 4 am (i am often up then) or a weekend afternoon. or as I've always told him "sunday mornings are for blow jobs" which has morphed into regular sex sometimes....
If you live together and there are no kids and you are both home around dinner time I find that a great time... before dinner...
as for drives being different... yeah my drive is way higher than my hubby's. but since I get kisses and cuddles daily I suck it up and deal.
and the issue is now at 3+ years the "honeymoon" is over and the real drives are apparent. You may have differing drives from the get go and that is normal. I've rarely found a couple where both partners were happy.
and contrary to popular belief and what folks would believe, in my circle most of the time, the woman has the higher drive and since we can't force a guy to be sexual we suck it up and deal.
A
male
reader, NotAnXPert +, writes (10 January 2014):
I am one to be direct with people with whom I am in relationship. I think any relationship is strengthened by the tackling of issues that take some discussion and working through. Do you suppose you might be willing to show him your post here?I find that when I need to discuss issues of sex with my lover it should not be at a time when it will seem easy to march into the bedroom (or to retire to your particular favorite play destination) -- I never want to appear to be merely employing a pretext for action at that moment.There are ways to compromise on issues of the difference in sex drives or specific desires that can most certainly do justice to both of your desires.If you both are playful individuals, you might suggest some silly, light-hearted contest to determine when love-making takes place on a given day -- for instance, whose favorite team wins or some such silliness.If, however, you and/or he tend to be more on the serious or regimented side of things, perhaps setting a schedule that honors his preference on certain days and yours on other days (with Saturday being the day when you make love at both times :P).Since everything else is going pretty well in your relationship that strongly suggests you have decent communication skills between you. Kudos to you for that and I hope talking about this with him only strengthens your future together.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (10 January 2014):
 When you are in the mood, what do you do to let him know? Do you start rubbing some part of him to hint you are in the mood? If so, that usually does not work for men in a long term relationship. Men are visual creatures. That is why porn is so big with men...the see...they fantasize…they get turned on. Not saying porn is a good thing.What I am saying is…what does he like? Short skirt…oops I drop that, let me pick it up. If you want sex when you want, you have to work for it. Don’t assume he should know how you feel, and it makes you mad because he doesn’t do it. We need motivation, and it does not always come in the form of words. Ever see animals mating?? The female walk around where the male can see her strut her stuff. She comes by, rub against the male, walks away, making sure he is watching. Over and over she works until the mail can’t handle it any more.Show him what he is missing if he doesn’t come get it now...be his fantasy. :)
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