A
female
age
30-35,
*ilke
writes:I have recently been dumped my commitment phobic boyfriend. We were together for over 2 years, lived together, travelled a lot and I knew from day one he had a lot of emotional baggage.Now he's left me, but he still texts every morning and evening where our text conversation last for several hours. He's become lonely and depressed after the break up.He knows I'm still in love with him, and I can't help but feel it isn't over. I want to help him through this, but how?
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 March 2014):
 The best way to help him is exactly what everyone has said... you go NO CONTACT and leave him alone and let him work it out on his own.
HE is not your problem or responsibility.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 March 2014):
 You are being very kind to him but not so kind to yourself by getting involved in protracted text conversations.
You are still in love with him. You need a period of no contact to allow yourself to detach and get over him. That's what YOU need. Then you will be able accept/ feel that it's over.
What HE needs is not your responsibility. Even if you'd dumped him, he would not be your responsibility. He has friends and family to look after him.
Please, tell him (and yourself) that you can't help him, and that you need to look after your own well being to get over the breakup. That means the texting stops.
It's hard, but you can do it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 March 2014):
 You ask: "...I want to help him through this, but how?"
Here's "how": You STAY AWAY FROM HIM. Don't contact him, don't continue the texts, don't believe, for a minute, that YOU can overcome HIS problems....
Give it six months. Then, send a pleasant "Hey, how ya' doin'??? " message to him, and see if he responds. IF he does... then you are about "where you are", now.... not knowing what to do, and "where he is." If he doesn't even reply to that "pleasant" (which response I predict), then you will know that HE has moved on... and YOU can stop trying to convince yourself that this guy gives a darn about you and wants to ressurrect the "thing" that you and he had...
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2014):
 I agree 100% with You Wish.
Breaking up was his choice, using you (YES USING) as his emotional crutch is just wrong. If he wanted you to NOT be with him, he should have the DECENCY to let YOU work on moving on WITHOUT him.
If he is depressed I would suggest he go see his doctor/counselor and work on the depression, dragging YOU down with him will benefit NO ONE.
You CAN NOT fix his depression or feeling of sadness, HE has to find a way to work that out HIMSELF.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 March 2014):
 You need to cut contact with him now. If he broke up with you, you need the contact to end so that you can put a period on the relationship and get a chance to move forward without him.
Since he is your ex, the fact that he is lonely or depressed should be irrelevant with you. He made the decision, and now his keeping you stringing alone is playing games.
You do not help him with anything because you are not together. That is the job of his therapist or friend, which you aren't...you are his ex, and as such, you break off the contact.
If you don't feel like it's over, or you don't WANT it to be over (that's my guess), and he keeps texting you, you need to tell him that in order for him to continue communicating with you, you need to return to relationship status, because it's not healthy for you to keep constant contact with an ex, and you need to start dating again.
Keeping exes as high maintenance emotionally needy "friends" is a really bad idea.
...............................
|
