A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I posted not long ago about my situation with a boyfriend who I met at my works meal and he was our waiter, he was very full on telling me that he loves me after 2 weeks and took me to meet his mum then dissappears on me and I never hear from him again without him breaking up with me, he leaves me in the dark with me questioning what went wrong. Anyway, somebody from work is leaving and they are holding the meal at that same restaraunt where my ex works as a bartender/waiter and I have to go because my manager and co worker are leaving and all my co workers want me to go. The thing is my ex is going to be there working and we haven't spoken at all since he started ignoring me, I haven't seen him in a month and the last time I did everything seemed normal, so all in all no bad words have been exchanged, it's all going to be a bit awkward and he isn't going to expect me to show up and when I do I've no idea what he's going to think. I'm just looking for a bit of advice on to handle this? admittedly i'm still not over what he did to me, i'm pretty angry, I don't want to seem like i'm still hurt over this and ruin everyones night but I need to be an adult and face it. Any advice?
View related questions:
co-worker, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks people. Great advice from all of you. Wiseowl, tough love is always constructive and I appreciate everything you have said. However I was never drama queen or anything with this guy, I was always the cool calm collected girlfriend until he dumped me then I started being like this. I know he just used me and 'fast forwaded' the relationship. I'll do what you all advised and show I don't care as if I dont go it will prove to him he had an affect on me. Thanks for the advice!! :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 March 2014):
 I would go and look your absolute drop dead best (professional all the while) and just treat him like the rest of the wait staff... in other words, ignore him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2014): It's time to stop acting like you're the victim of a hit and run accident. You're milking this a bit. I know you're stronger than that. Your writing indicates that you are a very intelligent and articulate woman.
You don't have an established relationship with this guy; so he's just a server at the restaurant where you're having a meal.
Sometimes you have to grow a thicker skin, deal with mishaps, and stop dramatizing. It's an issue only as long as you want to drag it out.
He's over you, so get over him.
He dumped you like a sack of bricks, and you're still trying to pretend it's still a relationship until he says "it's over." "Why" hardly makes any difference over a month later!
It's over! Because he dumped you without a word about it.
Your continued anxiety over this serves as an example why he left without a breakup. You over-dramatize. You go to pieces and might have a flare to be a drama-queen. Prove him wrong.
You took his loss of interest, as a attack on your character. Somehow you think he's telling you you're unworthy. He's just another loser-jerk who crossed your path.
Don't take this so personally. Some waiter/bartender rejected a fine specimen of a woman. He may just feel he's unworthy. If he doesn't have the balls to man-up and breakup face to face; write-off his weak-ass as a coward.
You keep trying to make something more of this than it is.
He dumped you cold. Take it like a woman and move on.
Guess what? Tough things happen in life. People aren't always nice. Some people dump you without a speech; or giving you a chance to beg them to stay. He bruised your ego. That can't be compared to someone physically or verbally-abusing you. It was a blow to your pride. You will survive this.
Here's some food for thought. I'm not going to condescend to you like a child.
If you're that fragile, he may have seen that as a red-flag or a deal-breaker. Therefore; he decided it's best to go without too much fuss about it. As aunts and uncles, we go with the one-sided information provided by the OP.
We don't get the benefit of all the details, or get to hear the other-side. Sometimes, nor does the OP. That's life.
You already have your reason why. A month of silence would tell me it's because he's not interested. That's more than enough reason to move on. You've placed too much power in his hands. People don't normally apologize for breaking up with you.
You have to be strong. Emotionally, now you must REJECT HIM! Don't let this drag you under. Life goes on for you. You'll meet really decent guys who will treat you as you deserve; and you'll meet some that won't. Your problem here, is that you want this guy more than ever. His rejecting you just tears you apart. You have my sympathies. Not my pity. You deserve more respect than that.
Try to be a stronger woman. Stop acting like an adolescent girl about this. You're nearly 30. Maintain your dignity.
I had to give you some tough-love here.
You don't seem to be making any progress; because you're not really trying. If this is getting to you too much, you may need to discuss it with a professional counselor.
Judging by how this is upsetting you; he may have observed some warning-signs in your behavior, and didn't know a better way to deal with it. So he took the coward's way out.
Walk into that restaurant with your head held high. Enjoy your meal, as if he was totally invisible. If he's silent, he may as well be invisible. Right?
Good luck, my dear! I'm not being mean. Just straight-forward to help toughen you up a little.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 March 2014):
 I would honestly pretend you don't know him. Like Cerberus said, he is just another waiter at the place.
And like Cerberus said, if he tries to talk to you (other then ask you what you want to eat) IGNORE him or gracefully decline.
FOCUS on your co-workers.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2014): He's just another random waiter as far as you're concerned, OP, so treat him as such. Although if you're the snotty type that treats people who serve you like worthless underlings then be nice and polite for a change this time.
Just keep telling yourself he's just a waiter, over and over, don't pay any attention to him at all, bury your face in the menu when ordering, say please and thanks and leave it at that.
If by chance he does something stupid like ask you to if you can have a conversation in private then just gracefully refuse him.
Fingers crossed he's off that day and you don't have to deal with him.
Another option, OP, would be to text him the day you'll be there as a heads up, maybe he'll take the day off, or maybe not but it will kill some of the awkwardness when he doesn't have a surprised look on his face, he may even decide not to service your table.
Either way, OP, he's just a waiter. treat him like a waiter and nothing more.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 March 2014):
 You said it yourself, you need to be an adult and face it. If he's a waiter/bartender then your interaction will be very brief, be polite and business-like with your ex and focus on your coworkers.
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (21 March 2014):
I think there might not be a good excuse from him, and anything he says will only make you feel worse. I would just sum it up to a personal problem or a change in feelings...which is fine and ok, shit happens.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 March 2014):
 This is a perfect opportunity for YOU to exhibit that grace and poise that shows the world that you are a wonderful woman....
When you encounter "ex-" you simply look at him, smile, and acknowledge him. END OF PROGRAM....
Good luck....
...............................
|
