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age
22-25,
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writes: Hi. Ok, so um, im a pansexual. This is something that has been known to me since I learned what it was. I have always been pansexual. I have told two out of my three friends , they are completely accepting. But I actually find it extremely annoying that I kinda have to hide it. I want to come out like, to my parents and stuff. They are straight allies and such, but im just not comfortable with telling them for some reason. Ive told them sometimes when I don't currently crush on anyone that I don't like any guys, so they ask if I like girls , but it sounds so accusing and rude when they say it. And also I know ill have to explain that pansexual is different tgan bisexual, and how it means genderblind, as in not attracted to gender no excuses. And ill probably have to explain like ten times, knowing my parents. But the thing is, I really do want to come out, it will be so much easier. But I don't have the confidence and I don't know how. Should I tell them in person or what? Should I come out as pansexual or just general "queer" because so far ive only been pans but I might have signs of fluid sexuality later on. Or should I wait? Please give me advice.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 March 2014):
 Nope no need to "come out" You are who you are...
sexuality is a spectrum for everyone... some of us are more willing to accept the fluidity of our sexuality and therefore define ourselves as bisexual or pansexual.
WHO you love and why you love them is NOT anyone's concern or business...
Straight kids don't "come out" they just ARE.... and so can you be.
When you find someone you are ready to date then you tell your parents you are going to date so and so... and then they can ask if you are gay or straight and you can readily say "not sure yet" because at your age you are NOT sure yet... If you are 13 you have a few years till dating should even occur... if you are 15... it will happen but you seem to want to force the issue of "coming out" and that's common with teens...
YOUR SEXUALITY is YOURS... no one else has any say in it and has no need to weigh in on it. and it's NO ONE'S BUSINESS but yours and your partners.
my brother is gay. AT 13 he was pretty sure he was gay and yet he still had sexual experiences with girls as a teen... it was not till he was past 21 that he solidly made his choice. He told me when he was 13... he told our mom when he was 16... dad was not told till he was past 18.... and our grandparents went to their graves believing he just had "not met the right girl" (which in theory was true)....
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 March 2014):
 There is no point really in coming out to your parents, as you are still so young and you're not in a relationship with anyone now either. In addition, it's a difficult subject to talk about because your parents probably do not know what pansexual is. And, given your age, they might not believe you and think it is just a phase.
But if you have a burning desire to come out, then I think you should just do it. However, maybe try to say it using understandable terms. Instead of saying pansexual, you can say that you are not attracted to a specific gender, but to the personality. Avoid painting yourself in a corner, because once you tell people you're this or that, they tend to assume to know something about you that they don't. Such as when people think bisexuals can't be monogamous... It's really annoying to have to face that type of accusation, as if I can not be monogamous because I am bisexual, as if I don't actually know myself better than random people... But random people will always have an opinion about everything, and you just got to grow a thick skin and don't let it bother you.
But, it's your parents, and what they think of you will affect you. So, it is better then I think to explain to them how it works for you, rather than tell them you are a pansexual and then leave them to the gossip and rumors. Because undoubtedly they don't have a clue what it is and will believe all sorts of gossip and rumor they hear about it. So explain it to them, in simple terms. Then whenever the topic comes up, just repeat these things again, because that is the only way they will remember and also the only way for them to accept that you are what you are.
It's just simple things like asking you if there is anyone you like, rather than asking if there are any GUYS you like at the moment. I think telling them would make you feel better since they do ask you these questions.
People do have a fluent sexuality that changes over the years, which is why I don't normally recommend elaborations on ones sexuality.. as it is your business and no one else's. But I don't think a possible fluency in your sexuality will be a problem in the long term. If they happen to ask you later on what you are, and it's changed, then simply tell them. No biggie. It will be a lot easier next time around once you've already had this "coming out"-conversation.
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