A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Agony Aunt folks I have a question , So I met this guy online we had 2 dates so far he is a cop and seems very nice a lot different form the last guy I dated I have had bad luck lately in the men department and seem to end up with abusive men so I'm sort of on guard . anyway on our second after dinner he got ice cream I didn't want any so didn't get a cup. He then offered some to me off his spoon and he teased and said " are you afraid of my germs " I took the bite and said no but" now you just have lipstick on your spoon" . I thought it was sweet and whatever and that was not an issue for me it's what happened next after he was done eating he kept the spoon I ate off of !! I asked him " you keeping the spoon " he just replied it's a good spoon and licked it clean again and put it in his pocket I thought it was kinda creepy lol ! flattering but maybe just a bit creepy..... what do you think ?? was that creepy or do you think he may collect locks of hair and be sniffing my panties next ? lol and by the way we haven't even kissed yet . Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (21 March 2014):
Dear OP,
First, I think it's good to be on-guard when it comes to men, but there's the possibility of over-doing it and overanalyzing harmless actions.
From my point of view, it's too early to judge the guy as potentially abusive or creepy, based on his ice-cream-spoon hoarding :).
After all, he was nice so far, offered to get ice cream and even shared with you, which might be seen as generous and not fussy. It might even be interpreted as manly and down-to-earth, in a way, because he doesn't worry too much about germs (he's a cop after all, so maybe he knows more dangerous things from his workplace than a used ice cream spoon). Also, he didn't try to kiss you yet, so it seems he has some patience and manners.
My advice is to give him one or two more dates, but don't feel like you need to take this guy as your partner just because you're getting to know him. Find out if he's creepy or not and take as much time as you need.
You ALWAYS have the right to say "no" and "good bye", no matter how many dates you've already had.
My dating experience is that you will always eventually meet some creepy guys, that's normal, it doesn't mean you have some bad karma or weird magneticism that keeps them coming up to you. One creepy person or another will always be trying to enter your life, at some point. I see this with friends, myself and also my sister. It's not something that happens to one specific kind of woman, but to every one. You can't avoid it.
The art is to shake off the people you don't want to get involved with and to make room for the nice ones.
A
male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (20 March 2014):
Hi,
Maybe a bit odd but not a deal breaker! I would just carry on as normal, and see what develops. Early on in dating, sometimes in a situation like this he may have felt a bit undecided whether to just bin the spoon in front of you for fear of hurting your feelings! Maybe!
Don't think about locks of hair or sniffing panties as the next stages as I think the spoon may just be an odd nervous opening date! See what develops!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 March 2014):
 REALLY odd. Creepy? Hm, not sure. What came to mind at first was getting a DNA sample from you LOL I guess I read to many crime novels......
He could have asked for a second spoon.
I have a huge fear/aversion/anxiety about germs so yea I wouldn't have eaten of his spoon and I would have had a hard time controlling my gag reflexes when he licked the spoon - however... You don't seem to have a problem with germs, just that he kept the spoon.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 March 2014):
 He's a cop. definite creeper. Lol.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (19 March 2014):
 I wouldn't judge him as creepy based on one little thing. I understand what you're on your guard dating, I'd say, get to know him better (take it slow physically) and see how it unfolds. Maybe he just has a strange sense of humour or was nervous.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): I've kept plastic spoons once before when I knew I would be taking a flight so I could eat my packed lunch etc. at the airport before boarding, but I would never do it in front of a date!!! OMG he just sounds like an oddball and unless he is an environmental "nerd", I reckon he has kept it to ermmmmm... you know... remind him of you later..... I mean why else? Was he planning to take it home for the recycling or can he not afford his own stainless steel versions???
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 March 2014):
 I'd be a bit concerned about his hygiene. Heaven knows what else he has in his pockets. :P
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2014):
 HE kept a plastic spoon? yeah that's a bit odd....
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 March 2014):
 Yep to the creepy...and the way to tell is when it's preceeded by "a guy I met online" your instincts tell you it's creepy. Are you looking for someone to argue for him by saying, oh no, it's normal for a guy to act all wierd and stuff,especially when you met him online and he says he's a cop. Red Flag! Go to a bar a pick up the first loser you see. You'd be better off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): Not just creepy but weird!!!
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (19 March 2014):
It was a bizzare thing to do but people keep soaps and shampoos from hotels they've stayed at even towels. He sounds sweet but it's too soon to assume the worst about him. Try to ignore the spoon incident. It was maybe creepy to you but someone else may just regard it as embarrassing behaviour.
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