A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello I am Iin desperate need of help! Last night me and my boyfriend got into an argument about him being very critical of everything I wear! He made jokes and basically called me a hoochie!I told him I didnt like Iit and he shouldnt call me that. He went on to accuse me of dressing to impress someone else, he hung up on me and later texted me to say dont call him no f**king more he told me to go back to my ex, who didnt give a shit about me! I tried calling him back but he kept picking up the phone and hanging it back up! I feel so hurt and broken hearted I didnt get any sleep last night. What should I do, I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. I love him and I want to be with him but I cant keep dealing with him shutting down on me, yes he has done this before, but it had got a lot better. I really thought things were gonna work out! I feel soooo sad and hurt I cant stop the tears from falling help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2014): In your late 30s you should be dating a man NOT a boy......unless you enjoy playing highscool games? Be with someone who respects you values you. Not someone who verbally abuses you. Dump his ass!!!
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (19 March 2014):
 Internet slang definition:
Hoochie = a female of low morals and /or a female who dresses in gaudy tight clothing
OOCH, that’s really not very nice!
Do you usually have a wardrobe malfunction when you go out with your boyfriend? If so, he’s let you know he likes you to dress appropriately around him… Perhaps he takes pride in you and what you wear not to send the wrong message out to others.
Yet if he’s no better himself in character, manners or dress, like who made him the VERSACE Fashion Police to be so critical and mean; then wipe your tears, cry no more and be free to dress however you please.
CAA
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A
female
reader, Marilissa75 +, writes (19 March 2014):
 He did you a favor by breaking it off. He will probably contact you at some point in the future if you cease all contact because he is abusive (emotionally, for sure...no idea if he is the kind to get physical). If you like being put down, controlled, called names and accused of things that you did not do, then you can answer when he calls or texts again and start the whole cycle again and be miserable. If you want to heal from this and have your dignity and be able to live your life in peace, then block his number and block him from all apps and move forward. Make friends, reconnect with friends and family, renew your faith if you are of that inclination, and find some things to do that you really enjoy. Notice the beauty in the world. One thing I encourage people to do is to stop tolerating poor treatment. Just do not tolerate it. When you have a mindset that says, "I am worthy of love and I will only let people into my life who treat me with respect and dignity," that is what you start attracting. Abusers will not even have you on their radar because they sense you are strong and not good victim material. Best wishes to you! Be strong!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): What's to love? He sounds like a big sack of sh*t to me?
You're pushing 40, and afraid you can't find another man?
He's no prize. He did you a favor. He's verbally-abusive,
has a nasty temper, and your crappy relationship has run it's course. You just don't realize how lucky you are.
Not everyday does the garbage put itself on the curb!
Fate stepped in and set you free. You must look pretty-good, or he wouldn't be so jealous. How old does a woman have to be to dress the way she pleases?
Mr. Wonderful never stepped up to the plate to ask you to marry him. Thanks to all deities, and all that is holy! In your insanity, you would have accepted.
You now have a full horrific-preview of what hell is like.
You just met the devil.
Go through what it takes to heal and get on with your life.
Call your girlfriends, cry, eat some chocolate, a pint of chunky monkey, and then initiate the process of getting over that piece of poop.
Please don't crumble into a pile of weeping noodles over that guy. Save some dignity. A guy who loves a woman would never talk to her like that. Most people wouldn't speak to their dog in that way.
Play that phone-call in your mind a few times. Let it piss you off. Get a grip, and quit the whining. You should be shedding tears of joy!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 March 2014):
 First of all, stop crying for him! You stood up for yourself, and he threw a tantrum, verbally and emotionally abused you, and then broke up with you. He did the best thing in the world for your well-being, and that's get himself the hell out of your life!
If this is his play, this is his way of controlling you. Why would he use your ex against you in a fight, huh? It's because he knows he's crap, so he pretends to be your savior from your cheating ex.
He has a fit about your clothes because he doesn't want other men to take you from him, so he keeps you down. It's time to stop this!
Leave him for good. It's going to be hard, because people who are abused actually find it hard to shed their abuser's chains, but you need to do it, and the only way to do it is to STOP ALL COMMUNICATION! No texts, calls, no answering the phone when he calls, no responding to his texts. You are broken up with him now.
You also need to get professional help from a counselor or therapist now, because of your weakness of wanting to return to your abuser. This is a pattern, like Honeypie has pointed out, and you need to break that pattern. This guy also brings up past exes, and a therapist can point out possible attractors to you that make you vulnerable to a pattern of abusers.
At the very start, don't talk to this guy. Break your need for him, and stop those tears because he's not worth it one bit. Ever stop to wonder WHY what you wear matters to him and why he feels the need to tear you down for it?? It's because you're BEAUTIFUL and he knows that you can do 1000% better than him if you only get wise to that fact, so he tears you down to keep you from realizing that he is pond scum.
Time to get wise!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2014):
 When someone misbehaves (his treating you the way he did) and then apologizes it makes those of us being abused want to forgive them and hope the won't do it again. They will.
UNLESS he is in treatment and is admitting he has a problem, then it won't get better.
HE wants out but he's too chicken to do it for you so he will continue to mistreat you in hopes you will leave him and do his dirty work.
The shutting down on you is the least of your problems. The verbal and emotional abuse is worse.
You deserve better treatment than this person gives you and yet you are upset that he's mistreating you and trying to see what YOU can do to fix this and MAKE HIM HAPPY.
Why don't you care about making yourself happy instead?
I would not only NOT call him, I would delete his number (and block it if you can)... do not contact him. Do not wait for him to change. DO NOT ask him how you can fix it because there is no fixing.
Just delete him from your life as best you can and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2014):
 OK, he tried to CONTROL you by telling you that you can not dress the way you like. The way you like to dress means (to him) that you are trying to have other men look at you.
Whether he is right or not, HE tried to manipulate you and when you told him, it isn't so... he threw a fit and dumped you.
He even suggested you go back to your ex, because he wants you to KNOW how little you mean to him and how YOU deserves to be with someone who treats you like crap. Seriously? You think that is love?
Stop calling him and if he "slinks" back at any point in time till him to go F himself.
YOU didn't DO anything wrong at all.
Stop taking him back. If he has done this before it's part of his "pattern" he tears you down so you become so "grateful" that he is dating you. You becomes so lost that you think HE is all you deserve. Don't let some man use you as a common doormat and drag crap all over you.
Block his number, delete it and MOVE on. No contact. Find a man who CAN & WILL appreciate you.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (18 March 2014):
 Thats abuse in a Mental form. I would suggest you dont go back to your ex either. But find some one who accepts you doll up and accepts you at your worst. Don't nobody have time for that. What you suppose to be ugly for him. Sounds like sexist stuff to me. If he wont you broke down and ugly and thats what you like I love it. Who wouldn't want there lady looking nice and other men or women compliment them. Lol it means you have a good choice. Uuumm psychological abuse is when mates do stuff like this to also mess with your self esteem. I wouldnt worry about it you can love people from a distance too. I know I do.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 March 2014):
 PLEASE... LISTEN to him when he sez: "...dont call (me) him no f**king more...."
He's not worth a whit of your time or attention....
Good luck....
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