A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think I know the answer to this but just want some opinions and how to handle it pleaseMy boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. In the first year he was meeting up with a girl behind my back but they both swore it was just as friends. I found out by being suspicious and eventually looking through his phone. My opinion was it if it had just been friends he wouldn't have needed to hide it and lie about it. He swore not to speak to her again and we worked things out.A year down the line and he has changed. His mobile never leaves his side, he's very secretive over his facebook and even removed me as a friend a few months ago and refused to re add me saying 'relationships are better when no one knows your business' which I agree with to an extent. He also has me blocked on whatsapp. Suddenly he's started being so secretive and when I ask him he just starts an argument. He's not been this secretive before, only the last month or so.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2014): He's up to no good. You are going to have to start spying again. Snoop through his phone. Follow him when he goes out with his "friends" for a drink. Don't let him know this of course. You can't confront him until you have proof. But be prepared to walk away from this relationship. He's obviously not someone you can build a trusting relationship with.
A
female
reader, Marilissa75  +, writes (15 March 2014):
 He has lied and cheated on you in the past and this destroyed your full trust in him. He is treating you disrespectfully by unfriending you on social media. That is something a healthy couple could discuss if they wanted to have the option of not seeing each others' posts. It should never be a one-sided, unannounced thing. I dated someone like this and actually ended up married to him and we got divorced. I could not take the lies, the being shut out, the broken trust, the lack of respect and I walked away from him. It was the hardest break up of my life but I wanted my dignity back. I wanted to have a better life so I forced myself to leave. You may wish to consider getting out of this relationship if you want to be healthy and happy.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 March 2014):
He was probably lying the first time, and he's probably trying to hide things again.
To me this is less about whether or not he's cheating, and more about whether or not you should even be with him.
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (14 March 2014):
 Please take advice from experience. He will not change. Whatever it is you hope for him to be and to provide for you, he will not. What you have now is what you will always have, plus some more bumps in the road. As harsh as this sounds and as hard as I KNOW it is, please dump this guy now. I was with someone just like this for a total of 23 years. I married him after 8 years of this sort of behavior and knew I shouldn't marry him when I did it. Fifteen years and a child later, we're divorced, and I'm happier than I've ever been. I've found a wonderful man that I don't ever have suspicious about (as much so as my past will allow), and it's a nice feeling. You are so young, and I hope you will listen to your head and to the advice you've sought and seriously get him out of your life. As with the times I've posted on here and gone to my friends for help, you already know what you should do. A caution about snooping, which I learned the hard way, be careful when you look because you have to be prepared for what you find.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 March 2014):
 Do you even have to ask?
you know what's going on... he's hiding something and unless it's your birthday... you know what it probably is.
he's BLOCKED you on facebook so you can't see what he's doing, who he is friends with etc...
do you wonder about him when he's not with you?
do you trust him?
without trust there is no relationship.
do not make excuses or try to see it "his way"
accept that you don't trust him and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 March 2014):
 The Facebook part I SORT of agree with - specially if you two have had spats over something FB related. If not, I think it's a red flag. (unless you hacked his FB)
As for the Whatsapp - that is a chat thing right? I can't see why he would block you, I can see if he deleted it OF his phone because he can chat in text or person with you and friends - to block you? Weird.
Being secretive about his cell, well... you DID snoop once (at least once) so maybe he wants privacy when it comes to his phone and not have a relationship where his partner check up on him constantly to see if he behaves. However, IF this is new behavior I would presume he is doing ALL of this for a reason, because he has something to hide, FROM YOU.
Do you have him blocked from your Facebook? If not I'd block him, see what he says.
I don't understand the NEED for secrecy, but I DO understand the NEED for privacy. There is a BIG difference.
And I agree you don't met up with someone who is JUST a friend and keep it secret, you INTRODUCE them to your BF/GF/partner.
So you feel something is up, but really what CAN you do other then ask him? Don't make it into a fight just ask. There is a reason you don't trust him, but YOU are also presuming that because he pulled a fast one on you in the past he will do it again. You don't trust him because what happened a year ago is NOT really resolved. He made you a promise and as far as he was concerned that was the end of it. YOU still don't know what really went on. And I think that plays into what you imagine or think he is doing now.
Is this a kind of relationship you want? Where you can't really trust your guy? Where he can do as he pleases and just get mad at you when you question it? Where YOU have to "snoop" to keep him in line?
I'd sit him down and talk trust. And then figure out what you want to do with the relationship, and information.
My guess is he will be highly defensive or blame YOU for his new behavior.
How much time do you two spend together? Do you go out together? Share friends? Or is it very separate?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2014): I'm sorry but given his past and your suspicions now, it doesn't sound good. Do you know where he is when he's not with you?
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