A
male
age
30-35,
*ale99
writes:How do I prove to my girl friends father I'm not a bad guy.We have been dating for about three months and have pretty much had to hide it from for parents because they hate me. Yes, I have done somethings wrong in the past but I have changed.We live in a small town and when I was younger I got Into a lot of trouble. I got kicked out of school, hung out with the wrong group of people and things went down hill. I ended up going to jail for assault charges from a bar fight. I had four DUIs and experimented with drugs before going to jail. After going to jail I made myself a promise that I was never going back there and that I needed to get my life straightened out. After being released I left town got a job,went back to school, and turned my life around. My grandfather got very sick and I moved back to town to help to my family out. When I returned I met my girl friend Sara, and totally fell in love. But her father still looks at me like a little punk and wants me no where me near his daughter, I have been out of jail 3 years, have a full time job, haven't touch any drugs since my arrest, bought my first house TODAY (yeah me)
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (15 March 2014):
 If your daughter was dating a man with your background, what would you think?
Not saying you haven't cleaned up. That's great. Keep up the good work. But my point being that it's a fathers job to look out for their daughters well-being. he's just doing his job. you'd do the same if it was your daughter.
All you can do is keep proving over time that you've changed and you're a good guy who will treat his daughter well. He will eventually come around. and if not, you're both adults. HDR relationship with you is her personal business. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2014): Just put yourself in his shoes and you'll know what it takes. As the others said, time and consistency.
But you're not dating her father just her.
He may never like you, because regardless of how your life is now you can change again in a heartbeat because you'll always have that potential. Literally one minor slip up while drunk, one guy pushes you too far and it's all gone again.
OP focus on being good to her, and good for her, that's the only proof you can show. And as far as you can make sure she doesn't slip up either, because guess who's fault that will be in his eyes.
So yeah, just enjoy this for what it is, always treat her dad with respect regardless of how he views you and never feel hard done by it. Would really just accept the word of some punk kid after only three months with your daughter? No, because "I've changed" is what everyone says and so it means nothing. Actually having changed is the only thing that works, and people only see that after a hell of a long time.
Patience, OP. You don't need his approval just hers. But you do need to respect him regardless and not get frustrated, when it comes to a man's daughter nothing is given, it's earned and you'd be the exact same if it was your daughter.
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A
female
reader, wubbadukky +, writes (14 March 2014):
It seems more like to me that you are more concerned with her father's acceptance because possibly you are looking for an older male role model. Was your father there for you in the past? Does her dad seem like the type of father you wish you had? Maybe, this has nothing to do with dating your gf and more to do with you wanting acceptance. I think that if that is the case, consider chatting with him and asking him if he can be your mentor. He would probably be flattered.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2014): Exactly what C.Grant said. Time and consistency is what it will take. Remember, though, that you are dating the girl and not her father. Don't lose sight of HER in trying to gain her father's trust. Good luck!!!
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (14 March 2014):
 I have two daughters. One of them has a boyfriend I don't care for at all.
What you need to understand is that our daughters are princesses. We would risk our lives to protect them. The only guy who could (maybe) be good enough for her would be a combination of Superman, Mahatma Gandhi and Bill Gates. If my princess showed up with a jailbird I'd get my gun.
The one thing you can do is make her happy. If I see that she's happy and being treated like the princess she is I will tolerate you. That's your foot in the door. Treat her like gold, show her mother due respect, mind your manners around me, and we'll get along. After a few years of that I might be willing to overlook your past and judge you on who you are now, not who you were then. But I'm serious when I say 'years'.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 March 2014):
 TIME is the only way to prove this. continue on the straight and narrow...
Is Sara over 18?
if she is under 18 I suggest you wait till she is 18 to date her but you can be her friend.
If she is over 18 but having to abide by the rules of her home... well then all you can do is ask her parents for a meeting on neutral territory and discuss it with them.
Explain to her parents that you know your past is unsavory. that you realize your mistakes and have learned from them. That you agree they have every right to feel the way they do but you would like the chance to prove to t hem that you have changed. ASK THEM what exactly they would require from you to prove that you have changed.
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