A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i have a situation where my girlfriend and a friend of mine are openly flirting in front of me. Now when i say flirting i dont mean anything so blatant where i could say to either of them come on your taking the piss but a situation where if we're all together ill almost be left out of the converssation as they try and make each other laugh and try and find things in common with each other. My girlfriend is a very beautiful girl who gets and likes alot of attention but i fear my friend is taking it the wrong way. He is recently out of a long term relationship and currently in a relationship with a girl he has no connection with and doesnt even like that much and i get the impression that my girlfriends attention may encourage him to flirt more and therefore increase my anxiety at the situation. I would hope that as a friend he wouldnt cross certain boundaries but what im seeing isnt encouraging and im finding it very difficult to deal with. I guess my biggest fear is that they would hook up and leave me without my girlfriend and in a very awkward position socially. I know it probably sounds like nothing much but seeing her flirt with him and him responding kind of kills me. what should i do/ how should i deal with this????
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male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (17 March 2014):
 Soapy slope ! The ones who flirt under the nose of their "best friend" or their "boyfriend" with each other are usually speaking engaged in a process nothing less than exclusively led by (sex) hormones, which are often far far stronger than reason as you know it well.
As the previous "aunt" below said, never ever meet your "friend" when you are with your girlfriend, and if unavoidable, don't tolerate them to flirt in front of you. Seat between these two, and never stay out of their discussions. That way, you will be able to re-centre it whenever you see it's skidding in a dangerous way.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2014): DOn't hang out with him when you're with your girlfriend so much, go out with him alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2014): It's hard to say without seeing the behavior what is going on here. I would speak to your gf and your friend, separately and let them know that this behavior makes you unhappy. Usually when someone flirts it isn't all that innocent unfortunately. When in a relationship I would not do this to my partner- there is an appropriate way to relate to all your friends without crossing boundaries and making your partner feel left out.
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (14 March 2014):
 There's flirting and then there's bantering. I'm hoping in your case it's the latter. I've seen this situation a lot and even been guilty of it at times. There are certain people who you can banter with, you know, talk teasingly to and have a laugh with, and they will do it back. I guess it can be misconstrued as flirting. First of all, it's a good thing your friend and your girlfriend get along so well and are comfortable enough to do this in front of you, unfortunate though that it is causing you anguish. I'd say your girlfriend is only bantering and in the process, enabling your friend to regain his confidence. You've probably been friends with him long enough to have gained some degree of trust with him. Maybe enough to pull him aside and jokingly say, "Hey, mate, you're not flirting with my woman I hope?" It's possible your friend does find your girlfriend attractive but I doubt he'd steal her off you and I doubt your girlfriend would allow herself to be stolen. Maybe when these two get to bantering in front of you say, "Hey, what about me? Don't I deserve some attention?" Then grab your girlfriend and tickle her silly to regain her concentration.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 March 2014):
 so your concern is that you will be left without a gf and in a socially awkward position? NOT that the woman you love may not love you?
To be honest, if they are flirting in front of you and there is nothing you think going on behind your back, then I think (as a natural flirt myself) that you have very little to worry about.
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