A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I have an older sister who is 34 years old!! and she really annoys the shit out of me. When she and her 3 kids come to visit my parents I avoid her and stay out of the way.But lately shes been coming over the weekends. Her kids are all really bad and she does not watch them. We all see them everyday but for her and her kids to spend the night its like come on. It's not like she lives in another state she only lives 15 minutes away and I like peace and quite I am at home I should be able to enjoy myself.What really makes me mad is she had pneumonia and she stayed at my moms house and I got sick when she could of went home!! My 3 year old niece and 4month old nephew even got sick (they with us from my other sister). My moms house is only a three bedroom its small but just big enough for us. My sister is trying to boss me around she keeps asking me to buy her stuff; Shes to old for that. And whatever I do she copies. I really just want her and he kids to go home so things can get back to normal how can I get rid of her? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2014): Well, yes im just exasperated though because I am in college already and I work late so then I do my homework until like 3 am. And then at 7 am my mom wakes up my nephew for school and we have to take them while my sister sleeps in. And my mom stays up all night with a four month old so shes tired to so that why i want to help her. And I could never afford to live on my own rent on average where I live the cheapest is 1400 and I could get roommate but I still want to stay home and help my parents their in there late 50's. I believe they should enjoy themselves since all of us are grown. Even though I run out of energy I have enough represent for my mom to help her as much as I can. My mom made dinner when I got off late and they ate all the food. I just want things to get back to normal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): OK. So you are already helping out, and you shouldn't have to keep cancelling with friends because you need a break and you aren't the one who got yourself pregnant for any of those kids. I see that it's more your mom you're helping with and it's not just you - you're seeing her exhaustion. It sounds like your sister(s) want to have free babysitting but that they can't/won't find other resources (friends, people from their church etc.) to help them with childcare. I wish your mother was reading this so that I could advise her on how to set some boundaries for your sisters. Her not saying "no" guilt-trips you into not being able to say "no" unless you avoid the house altogether and you DO need your time and space to yourself. Does your room have a lock? Are you able to purchase a new door-knob with a lock so you can lock yourself in? If you commit to certain times/certain days etc you won't have to feel bad about saying you can't/won't do it and you won't have to cancel on your friends. It really sounds like your sister(s) will find someone else to watch the children if you don't. They won't be neglected. :-) I wish your mother were on board with you, that she could do the same and that she could say (and this is HARD to say to your excited-to-see-grandma grandkids), "I love seeing you guys! Give grandma a big hug because she has a lot to do now and she's looking forward to seeing you on Saturday." It's hard to do that, especially since she's already enabled your sisters so long. Unfortunately, you can't set the rules since it's not your house, but are there other places you can go? I know it's expensive, but could YOU move out and find another place to live? I see that you are 17 so that *is* hard. Are you saving money for a co-op in your area so that you can live away from family? Even if you got a little efficiency, being gone in school and work (and sleeping) means that you really will only be using it as a sanctuary and a place to store your things. It sounds like you won't have to hold on too much longer, and in the interim, maybe you could simply make plans to be gone from your parents' home unless you are sleeping or getting something Is there a solution you can sit down and come up with with your parents?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): (I WROTE THIS POST)Well my mom is very tired and she takes care of my sister's kids even when my sister is not sick. My mom is always taking care of my nieces and nephews there's eight of them!! I try and help my mom as much as I can.I have no children and when my sister(S) drop off their kids I'll cancel with my friends just so I can help my mom. I go to work and college full time. I love my family to pieces but, seeing them all the time is exhausting. I just want my mom to have a break she never gets one I don't care if i am tired from work or school. I will still help my mom. And lately my mom has not been feeling to well she went to the doctors a few times but they cannot figure out what's wrong. I just want her to have a break and have some peace and quite.By the way My mom wants her to go home but she doesn't know how to ask her to leave.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (18 March 2014):
 I know 2 sisters (my cousins) in a similar situation. One still lives at home, the other is married with children but visits fairy regularly at weekends. The one who lives at home feels exactly how you feel; she wants peace and quiet and I truly understand that.
However, the other sister has every right to visit the house as long as it's ok with the parents (it is - they love to see her and the grandchildren). She knows how her sister feels about her visiting but doesn't let it affect her, since she reasons that she has just as much right to her parents attention and their home as the one who lives at home.
I get that this is hard for you, but try to put yourself in her shoes, for example if she had pneumonia (which is serious!) then of course she needed rest and help with child care. She didn't intend to make anyone else sick.
Is there anywhere you cab escape to when she visits? Maybe stay a night with a friend if you know she's coming to stay? Or - here's a thought - stay at her place (presumably unoccupied while she visits?).
As for the bossing you around and asking you for money, thats downright annoying and you need to nip that in the bud either directly with her or through your parents.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2014):
 Pneumonia is not normally contagious. http://www.webmd.com/lung/understanding-pneumonia-basics but it does leave you feeling crummy. I can assure you if I had three children and pneumonia I would be staying with someone who could take care of all four of us as well.
Your sister is your parents child as well.
Her staying there is your parents’ choice. Those nieces and nephews are your parents grandchildren and are priceless to your parents.
Your sister trying to boss you around is a different issue. Just ask her to funnel all her requests for you to do things for her through your mom. Also when she asks you to buy things for her, if you are going out, then ask her for the money if she does not have money, then say “I’m sorry I can’t lay out any cash for you now ask mom” If she asks while you are going out and running an errand and gives you the funds to purchase the item, then what’s the problem? One sister asking another for a favor especially when she’s under the weather and has small children to care for seems reasonable.
I think that your complaints are just touching the tip of the iceberg... is your sister going through a divorce or is her husband not up to snuff? Does her being in your parents home take away time and attention from you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2014):
 It's your parents house (yes and your home) BUT it's REALLY up to your MOM & DAD to decide if they want her there or not. You really don't have a say in it.
If she asks you to buy stuff or tell you to buy stuff - tell her to BUY it herself. Don't feel obligated to "take" care of her.
I can only imagine this sucking, but really if I were you I would talk to your mom/dad and tell her how annoying it is, that about all you can do. And make plans when you know she is coming so you can be out of the house. And if you have things you don't want your sister to get into, lock them up.
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A
female
reader, KimPossiblee +, writes (18 March 2014):
 You'll be okay, relax , you guys are family, don't let little things bother you.. Good Luck...
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 March 2014):
 You can't (get rid of her)... so you have to "adult-up" and behave smarter than she does.....
Have you spoken of this with your folks? How do THEY react? After all, it's THEIR home, as well....
Don't let a dumb sister make your life miserable... BUT, if she has carte blanche to get where she needs to be to make your life unpleasant (your folks won't intervene)... then do what you must to absent yourself...
Do you have a friend who you can spend evenings (and/or overnights) with, when sister shows up??? The distance would be comforting and rewarding.....
Good luck...
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