A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this man for over a month and I must say, it has been great. We got on really well and there is chemistry.But the problem is, last year he got out of a long term relationship and told me he's not ready to date (despite him telling me he wanted to only see me and take things slowly). Which I understand but he said he didn't want to hurt me and felt guilty that he's not ready (reassured him that he should not feel guilty).But he still wants to keep in touch as he enjoys talking to me and said that although he's not ready to date, he still likes me and thinks I'm a sweet person. I admit to myself that I don't think I'm ready for a relationship due to work commitments and current living situation (with parents and getting an apartment in the summer hopefully) I feel really confused and upset about this situation. So my question is, should I stay in contact with this guy not knowing when he'll be ready to date or just pull myself away from him? I'm also confused that as he said he likes me, is that it and is there no chance with him in the future?I've tried talking to other men but I don't feel as connected with them as I do with him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 March 2014):
 "I'm not ready for a relationship" is normally the part of the sentence we hear... the part that the speaker leaves out is "WITH YOU"
I would not waste my time sitting around "being friends" with a guy in the hopes that he might change his mind at a later date.
IF you like him as a friend and want to be friends (NOT FWB) then you could do that...but I would assume that he's not any more interested in you as a gf as you are in any of the other guys you've met and felt nothing about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2014): I would follow Sageoldguy's advice. Let the guy know you will respect his need to get over a past relationship and that he is welcomed to look you up in a few months or a year and that you would consider seeing him if you are available at that time. After that, do not contact him again for any reason. Move forward, enjoy your life, be a happy, emotionally healthy woman who is attractive to men. I understand that men will pursue you if you create the space for them to pursue AND if you make their lives better with you in it. They tend to sense neediness and back away quickly when they do. This is from 20 years of dating and being married and making all the mistakes a woman can make.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (12 March 2014):
 It appears the timing is off for both of you… So you really should let it be, he’s definitely forewarned you… Because when a bloke says, he’s not ready to date, doesn’t want to hurt you and in the same breathe wants to take it slowly; “he is certainly not ready to date”, period!
Sure enough he enjoys talking to you, and you’re sweet, but that’s not to say he really wants or needs to be with you in an emersed relationship capacity.
Now if you pursue this further, and or pressure the situation, it’s possible you’ll be his rebound girl or a fling; there’s no crystal ball here.
Meanwhile I’d step back a bit, sort out your agenda with apartments, and look at the options of what SageOldGuy and HoneyPie suggest.
Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 March 2014):
 Give yourself time to find someone else. You want a relationship and he doesn't, so.. that wont' work.
Peace.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 March 2014):
 should you decide that you really want to land this man, the only way would be to leave him for six to twelve months until he does get over the ex. Then reconnect with him. anythig now will just get you in the wrong category with the wrong emotions.
FA
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 March 2014):
 You say to this Lothario:
"Ya know, (his name here), I think you are an interesting guy.... and I might even wish to date with you again, in the future..... BUT, I think I owe it to you to let you figure out who you are, where you are in life, and IF you will ever want to be ready for a relationship, ever again. IF'n you decide that you are (ready), then get in touch with me, and let's see if we can click under those circumstances."
Then, step away and keep quiet until/unless you ever hear from him again...
AND, you go out and live your life on your OWN terms...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 March 2014):
 I agree with Honeypie - if he's still not over his ex, how much trouble did he have in making the decision to have sex with you?
I would take his words as a breakup. Move on and find a guy who isn't wanting a no-strings thing using a distant breakup as an excuse. He isn't over her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2014):
 If a guy says he isn't ready to date, he just PLAIN isn't. BUT e might be OK with sleeping with you, just as long as he can still do his thing and not be accountable to you.
I would walk away if you are LOOKING for a relationship. If you are looking for someone to hang out with, sleep with and talk to he fits the bill, but I think the moment he sense you want more HE would be gone.
And a guy who is fresh out of a long term relationship is still dragging around a LOT of emotional baggage, which might be why he isn't ready to date again. That also sets you up as a rebound. Again not a position that will lead to a long term relationship.
You COULD have him as a friend, but that would imply no sex, just going out to movies, dinner, heather, walks, whatnot. My guess is that he would NOT quite want that either.
Figure out what YOU want. Relationship or a "fling".
If it's the first, HE isn't it for you.
If it's the latter, he might do but it won't be long term.
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