A
female
age
36-40,
*_maldita
writes:After 10 yrs of being together we finally have decided to get married this year but the problem is I want a church wedding and he wants a civil one.All girls dream is to walk along the isle with everyone watching and all he ever want is a simple civil wedding with family and a couple of close friends. I don't know if I should push through what I want or just have a simple civil wedding like what he wanted.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 a Maldita,
Sometimes I look at a flag and I think I know which country it represents then I check and find out I'm completely wrong. So I went back and checked, and also checked your profile. I see I have advised you before.
The fact that you live in a country that has no legal divorce puts a whole different flavor on any discussion about marriage. It may help to explain Why your Guy has been so reluctant to go ahead with marriage. I also think that church weddings are much more common there than in other countries.
Factoring all of that in, My advice would be to hold a romantic wedding. Don't go overboard with the food or venue or other expenses. If June weddings are not important in your culture, then you have some time to plan carefully.
From your followup I think religeon is not too important to you. If I'm wrong about that that would also change my advice.
FA
A
female
reader, a_maldita +, writes (21 May 2014):
a_maldita is verified as being by the original poster of the question We have not yet finalized everything but I was thinking more like a civil wedding in a white long gown with a romantic venue would be nice. I hope he agrees with not I know its not just about me fantasizing my dreams but its a vow that we awe to share forever as couples. I just wish this would work out.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 May 2014):
 Think about the means to the ends...
what is most important to you the short day of the wedding
or the MARRIAGE?
my grandparents eloped to the court house and their marriage lasted 67 years....
my big "religious" wedding complete with bridesmaids and walking down the asile etc... 8 years....
are you willing to never marry the man you love on an technicality?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 May 2014):
 Is religion important to you? If so, I'd push for the church wedding.
If it's the WALKING down an isle, I would find a place where you can DO that and have a civil wedding.
Not all girls want the church thing, not all girls want the white expensive dress.
You CAN wear a big white dress at a civil wedding. (I did) We had a TINY wedding at the JOP (Justice of the Peace) and was supposed to have a second one in my country (because my family wasn't able to be there for the JOP one) - Instead we had a HUGE family & friends party in my parents HUGE garden with catered food, a band, candles everywhere, dance-floor and big tent. It was amazing (and since it was a year AFTER our wedding I did not wear white) It was lovely. IF we hadn't gotten married the year before, THAT would have been a perfect venue FOR ME (not saying it would for you) it's just a different option.
I agree with FA that a wedding can be a big waste of money. Because people buy into this materialistic view of weddings and LESS about the ritual and what it stands for. Personally, I'd RATHER have a banging honeymoon then a $10,000 dress I would wear ONE day.
I think you two need to sit down and FIND how to have YOUR wedding in a way that you are BOTH happy with the result.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): What about a nice civil ceremony where you choose a venue to get married that isn't a church but you create the setting so there is an aisle to walk down? It's not a church but also very romantic! A possible compromise :-)
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 May 2014):
In 10 years you have failed to communicate this? Or did you assume that he would just know this as it is "All girls dream". This particular dream is highly promoted by expensive venues in order to get silly girls to spend lots of money that a young couple could use better. My advice as hurtful as it may seem on the surface is to concentrate on the marriage (communication and conflict resolution skills) not on the wedding which is really just window dressing. There is no reason that a civil ceremony can not include showing off to everyone you know.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): Do you attend church, or do you want to use the church simply because its tradition and the dream that's put in everyone's head at a young age?
if you do go to church, explain to him what it would mean to you to be able to get married in your church. If you don't go to church, think about what means most to you - the church or the marriage. Is it a deal breaker if you don't get married in a church? Perhaps some sort of compromise can be made. Its about you both, not just you. Talk it over and see how you can go about it to make the best day for both of you
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