A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Through the wonders of Facebook my wife was contacted by one of her former lovers. I don't know why but she gave him her cell phone number and he started calling her. I discovered one of these voicemail messages when she asked me to check something on her phone and we had a major falling out. I am mostly upset that she did not tell me about this, but I am also upset that she didn't tell him she is married. (He told her he is married and has kids.) I feel really betrayed whereas she doesn't see what the big deal is since they never met and had no plans to. It frustrates me that I cannot convey to her how much this hurts me. I told her I would call his wife and see how SHE feels about these two talking and she understood a little better, but she still says I am overreacting. Am I?! Where do we go from here?
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 May 2014):
 Well since she gave you her phone to look through to me at least it's clear she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong.
would it have made a difference to you had she mentioned you (and any children you may have)
this "lie of omission" may not have been deliberate. She may have not really considered how this would affect or bother you if she only planned to play catch up with an old flame.
have you asked her why she did not tell you?
her response (both in words and actions) will let you know a lot...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): My ex contacted me on fb about a year ago, he knew i was in a relationship because he was told the day he left to live abroad however one summers day he messaged me how are you doing ?hows your bf? i replied yeah were good just working and relaxing spending time together thats it hows life over there? he then replied send me a pik nacked so as i do i went home that evening to show my fiance he already knew as he has my fb logged in on his phone at the time as i have nothing to hide look through what ever he wants my fiance was absolutley furious and went belistic.... i managed to calm him down and we managed to laugh at it he asked me to remove him from my fb and everything and out of respect i did because i have a new life now and you can never be friends with an ex because old sparks light after a while and then your life becomes one big mess and people get hurt!!! if she had upper most respect for you after a while she'll understand and delete him out of her life for good.... hope it is sorted or gets sorted..yours truly,NikkieBoo
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 May 2014):
"It frustrates me that I cannot convey to her how much this hurts me."
Maybe that has something to do with her thinking that you're overreacting? I'm sure she realizes how hurt/upset you are, but she just doesn't agree that you have a good reason to be.
Judging by the way you're reacting, my guess is that she didn't tell you because she was afraid you'd react this way. It doesn't sound like you have any reason to be suspicious, other than the (possibly) self inflicted secrecy.
If you allow open communication then things like this can be avoided.
I had an ex contact me through FB and it was 99% innocent. I mentioned it to my wife because I was confident she wouldn't get upset. She was curious, and possibly a little jealous, but she didn't get upset because she trusts me.
I stopped talking to my ex when she tried to take it beyond catching up.
I may be misreading this, but that's the impression I get.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): Also ask her how she would feel if you start exchanging calls with any of your own exes. That will make her understand totally.
You can also arrange a two-couples outing so that she will know his wife and he will know you as her husband. That should sober them up.
By the way,is she still single on Facebook?
...............................
A
female
reader, cattycakes  +, writes (19 May 2014):
My ex just made friends with me on Facebook. There was a brief flurry of contact while we caught up with life since the day. Then that was it. I don't anticipate being in touch directly. I told my husband, he doesn't mind. I don't plan on meeting up as I would only do that with my hubby and it wouldn't be that enjoyable, probably just awkward. Another ex made friends with me on Friends Reunited. He cheated on me and regretted it ever since. I feel about him like a brother, but part of me is pleased that he regrets and that I am still important to him. It does not mean I want to go back to him. No way. I am quite old, so allowed o have a few boyfriends in my history!
Try not to be worried. Now that she knows how you feel I am sure you won't need to do anything else. I suppose you could ask her to confirm how she intends to address the situation. Just to know whether she wants to meet him or whatever. Usually those hopes are a waste of time. The only way of being friends would be if you and his wife were included. Neither of you know each other and it just would not work. Anyway, talk it over. Practically speaking, for 99 percent of the time friendships with exes do not work. Life moves on.
...............................
|
