A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi and thanksMy ex boyfriend and I had a roller coaster relationship. Our first time around he was on a dating site our whole 8 month relationship plus admitted to having feelings for his ex plus cheated so many times I can't count that high. I found out about his cheating because he left his computer on and emails were open and I viewed everything. I left once his several bouts of cheating was comfirmed. We kept in contact throughout the yrs and we ended up trying again. We've known eachother 7 yrs now and we got back together for 2 yrs.Things were great in the beginning aside from the fact he was still in constant contant with his ex. They share two older adult boys together. I told him several times I felt the communication was far too much considering their kids were grown up Aside from the fact it was her he admitted to having feelings for her our first time around. But I was head over heels, it seemed like he truly changed but things became bad. He began asking to gps me and would be in constant contact with me and I'd need to send pics as proof as to where I was. I thought maybe hes just insecure but it kept continuing and he needed my fb password my email password and check what I was doing on my accounts daily. Meanwhile he still talked to his ex, hung out with her, and spent time visiting her at her house and her other kids with her other bfs. I started saying this is unfair. You have seperate rules for you and I. If a guy talked to me on fb he'd freak and accuse me for weeks/months. An ex of mine contacted me wanting me back and yes I talked to him. I even considered it because how my then bf was treating me. My then bf found out and flipped! He told me I never mentioned this ex bfand meanwhile I did when we first got back together. No I didn't go into detail but I mentioned I dated briefly with him. It was more like 2.5 yrs but I didn't feel like I had to tell everything to him. So he went crazy and broke up with me. Called me every name imaginable. Told me to f off and he never wanted me back. This went on for 3 weeks and my ex was in contact with me during that time. We met up and we ended up fooling around but no sex. I needed to feel wanted and I was single, hurt, and my self esteem very low. So my controlling ex found out because I forgot about the gps ugh. So he followed us around in my car and he finally drove off not w/o texting me every name possible. Anyways we have been on and off and hes far worse then ever he accuses me daily even though we've been broken up for 2 months hetexts and says horrible things to me. He said tonight he'd take me back if me him and my ex get together to discuss my cheating. My exwwould not tolerate this whatsoever and I don't want to prove anything anymore. If he feels I'm a terrible woman then I wish he'd just grow up and leave me alone. Even though were not a couple hes still trying to control me. How do I get over this and over him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 May 2014):
 Another vote for block/delete/ignore.
block on social media
block emails
block on cell phone
and if you can't block (my plan does not permit blocking) label his number "DO NOT ANSWER THIS" and then do not.
delete any messages.
any snail mail you right "REFUSED return to sender" or even better just throw it out unopened. IGNORE HIM!
he only has power because you give him power.
take away all his power and he's powerless.
If you are ignoring him you won't know what he's thinking or saying or doing.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 May 2014):
Block/delete. Easy.
If he comes by your house or employment, tell him you're done and he needs to leave. If he doesn't, call the cops.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 May 2014):
 I agree with Auntie BimBim
CUT him out of your life and for GOODNESS SAKE satay away from exes, they weren't a good match when you dated, getting back together doesn't FIX a single thing.
Tell him to go fly a kite, if you KNOW you didn't CHEAT then DO swallow his demands. JUST BLOCK the ass-hat and move on.
You say he texts you and says he will take you back if... blah blah.. WHY on Earth do you let this guy WALK all OVER you? It's NOT love. When a guy treats you like crap it isn't because he LOVES you.
You really NEED to learn to put yourself FIRST.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 May 2014):
 You block his number, you block him on social networking sites, you do not answer the door if he knocks on it, if he persists and you feel you are in danger you seek a restraining order.
You also need to spend some time thinking about where you are at with your life, and why it is that you keep going back to ex'es. They are your ex partners for a reason.
Take better care of your self, try to avoid the same sort of man when you next start seeking a relationship, and if you see the same sorts of traits then don't hang around for repeats.
There are times when we have to accept and recognise that many times it is our own actions that contributing to bad relationships. Get away from this man and stay away.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (18 May 2014):
 Simple - you STOP letting him pull the strings while you play puppet. Its not actually that hard to break up with someone in the sense of stopping contact.
For way, way too long he has treated you like shit, hurt you and acted appallingly. Clearly he is a horrid person and the two of you are not compatible in any way.
You need to stop this repetitive cycle of on/off, up/down situation and call a stop to it. Change your number/block him, delete him from FB, stop contacting him an anyway and take some time out to get your head together.
He has sapped your self worth, your confidence and your self esteem. As a result you keep going back for more either because you think you only deserve the scraps he throws you or because you need to feel that someone wants you.
This guy has stalked you, followed you, checked your every move, good lord he even sees GPS to track you? He checks your accounts, demands pictures of where you went? That's not a relationship!!! That's being treated like dog shit.
He cheated so many times you lost count and still you went back for more? Then, to top it all off, he says he is willing to take you back on his terms??????!!!!!!! WTF!!!
He demand to know who/what/why/when you do anything yet he is of with his Ex to suit himself? You chat to your ex and he calls all every name under the sun, while he himself is doing who knows what with his former partner?
And he thinks YOU are a terrible person? Christ Almighty OP get a grip!!!
This guy has dragged you down so low that you have put up with way, way too much. I don't care WHY he did and im not interested in excuses. This is not on!!!!
Ditch this weirdo right now! Change your numbers, passwords and stop all contact. He is destroying you completely. You have lost sight of how bad, frightening, controlling and crazy this man is and have "normalized" so much of this terrible, terrible situation.
You must, MUST, stay well away form this man. Ive never heard of a GF being tracked by GPS before and I hope never to hear of it again. What have you done with the GPS? Throw it in a river I hope!
You say you wish he would leave you alone? Well rubbing a lamp and hoping your wish comes true aint gonna happen. This guy craves using you as a puppet, a door mat, an obedient puppy....stop WISHING he would leave you alone and start DEMANDING and ENSURING he leaves you alone!!!
Why does he do this? Because you let him.
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