A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid.... i joined this site as im in a relationship and have been 2 years this june, however since i've got my job in july 2013 we seem to have lost interest in eachother we sit in seperate rooms when he comes to stay and our sex life is nothing now we mabey have sex or any kind of sexual intercourse once every month or so, im worried that were drifting apart and would like some tips on how to change this and spice our relationship.Also since we were a year june 2013 i began putting on weight and stopped taking care of myself by this i mean... not making an effort when we go out no make up, hair left greasy and tied up.i love him with all my heart but we've just not been the same in a year thank you for taking time to read this, hoping to hear back from you soon Many Thanks,NikkieBoo
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you and possibly I think it's more to do with that when I do dress up he don't acknowledge it that's the really irritating thing about it
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 May 2014):
 I wonder if your putting on weight and not taking care to look your best is to keep him at a distance..... do you?
I have gained weight but I still bathe and dress up and do my hair more for my spouse than me. I WANT to look good for him...
one day we were having guests over and I went up and got dressed and put on my face (normally do NOT wear makeup at home) and he said "thank you for 'getting all prettied up!'"
that told me that even if he doesn't say it daily, he appreciates when I take the time and make the effort to look my best....
perhaps your lackadaisical approach to your relationship is being reflected in your bf's behavior?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): If you don't know whether or not to hold on longer? Then continue waiting until he decides to breakup with you.
Having a few good times isn't making up for the fact he doesn't seem interested in you sexually anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ill keep that in mind and have a think I love him and he loves me we do have good times ecspecially the last few weeks but I don't know wether to give up or try a little longer thank you for your help
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): The relationship has run its course, and you need to prepare yourself to move on. What's the point in trying to spice it up, if you've already let yourself go? He's showing no interest.
People do not loose interest in sex at your age! They just get tired of the relationships they're in. It's a sign you need to enjoy life as a young single-person for awhile.
You need to give yourself room for growth and reaching maturity.
Not be hindered and remain emotional-hostage under a
a relationship; because you need a place to hide from life.
You're dependent, and afraid you won't find anybody else, so you're willing to settle for him. He is no longer interested. You are not married. You're bored to tears,
and so is he. Only you're scared to move on.
You let go of your self-esteem, now you see the result of that. It's easy to suggest that losing weight and going to the gym is going to fix it. Not necessarily so. It's not all the fault of your appearance, it's your attitude.
Everything about you now says you don't care. Not just that you no longer care about him; but you don't care about yourself. Have your doctor check you for depression. It sometimes sneaks up on people, and they don't know why the always feel sad and have no energy. The malaise effects your appetite and self-maintenance. You lose sleep.
You gave up trying; so has he. You've overstayed your welcome in his life. You've reached and passed your expiration date as a girlfriend. You've both just stuck it out; because of complacency, laziness, and the knowledge that a breakup is hell. Waiting to see who will decide first, to just breakup.
Well, you're clinging to nothing. Sorry, but if you only holding on, because you need his validation; you're wasting precious time. You've got work and self-improvements to do, and clinging to your dying relationship is holding up progress.
Your self-esteem and confidence needs your attention. He doesn't want it anymore. So use the energy to do something good for yourself.
You should be rebuilding your life; and dealing with the emotions that will come with an inevitable breakup. You're already feeling the stress. The sooner you initiate the detachment process; the sooner you will begin healing.
I'm not going to feed you a lot of stuff telling you to break your back, trying to make all the effort to save a dead relationship. It takes two to do that. From your description, your relationship isn't showing any signs of life. So why make a fuss after it's over?
People your age often hold on too long to lifeless relationships; as if you're in a marriage. You should allow yourself to grow professionally (hopefully you are a student,or have a degree), make new friends, and date other guys. Live child!!!
Now that you've put on extra weight and you're ashamed of your unkempt appearance; you feel desperate about reviving and keeping what you have. You're depressed, and you're unhappy. That's why you gave up, my dear. You want out!
You need out!
You're too young to be stuck in such a situation.
You've both lost interest; because that is supposed to happen at such a young and inexperienced period in your lifetime.
We have to have breaks in-between relationships, in order to mold our character, seek education and enlightenment; and most of all, get a hold on life. That will allow you to learn how to survive adversity, solve problems, and overcome obstacles.
You need a few trial relationships to gain experience how to keep one going. You also need to sample different male personalities, in order to determine which is more compatible with your own. You need to challenge yourself in order to rebuild confidence in yourself. Independence is calling out to you, and you're afraid of it. You can't live your life behind a relationship. You have to hone your tools for survival. Your relationship is all you know; so you've grown too comfortable hiding in it.
Nope! Too late for acts of desperation. The relationship has now flat-lined.
Now it's time to take care of yourself, and "let him go."
You need to expand your horizons, introduce yourself into the world as a independent-woman. It's time to discover your potential outside of just being some uninterested guy's messy and self-loathing girlfriend. You have a lot of life to live, and this is the time you should go for it.
I'll leave it up to others to tell you how to beat a dead horse.
I'm going to advise you to let it go, and move on.
Enjoy your youth, travel, grow, and date other guys. Find out where life wants you to go. Lose the extra weight for health reasons, not to keep a guy. If a guy loves you, your weight makes little difference. Unless you're grossly overweight and have bad hygiene. There is a limit. Nobody wants anything that is gross.
I think you both have been lazy with your lives. You're
bored and tired of each other. You're both afraid of growing up.
My dear, you'll love having your freedom; and you'll blossom, once you've gotten over your breakup. I will not lie, it will be painful and very tough. You will gain strength through it all; and discover what you're made of, what a powerful woman you can be. I think you need that.
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