A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay my boyfriend and I have been dating a year and 3 months and we live together. It feels like our relationship is running into the ground. I'm not sure if its because we spend all our time together or what. Our daily routine is he goes to work at 11pm and gets off at 7am and comes home goes to bed then we wake up he stays on his phone and plays video games until he goes to work its like that every day he has friday and saturdays off. His friends and family live 45 minutes away. On weekends he goes to see them either Friday or Sunday or vis versa. He doesn't really show me love or affection. I have to ask for kisses and hugs and I have to be the one to say I love you first. He says he loves me but shouldn't he show it? He doesn't cuddle with me all the time its only when he wants to some days hes all lovey and acts and shows that he loves me but other days we can go an entire day without speaking to each other and we live together. He doesnt do nice and sweer things for me not even little things or little suprises like he used to. So I told him maybe he should go stay at his moms which is 45 minutes away until Friday and to give us time away from each other. He used to be so caring and loving and we always found something to do and now we can never find anything to do and he's not the same person he was. He says I'm always nagging and a bitch and cobtroling because I don't let him go wherever he wants to when he wants to. If we go out he doesn't hold my hand. He's not as romantic as he used to be. I have a daughter who is 3 and he's so good with her he treats her like she's his he takes care of us financially and he plays with her and they love each other to death. But with us is totally different. Ive heard people say that us spending a week together with no contact will help. I love him and want to be with him but I just don't know what else to do I feel as if he isn't put as much effort into this as I am and like he used to. Will spending time apart really help us?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 The language of romance, holding hands, hugs and kisses, sweet little surprises etc. is all bait to catch a fish. Now that he’s caught you (living together) there’s no need to bait up any longer and be as keen as he was!? It’s like you’re taken for granted, and he resents you nagging and controlling him which stands to remind him of his neglect towards you. (Perhaps you both moved in together all too soon/quickly?)
Meanwhile, spending all your time together is draining on anybody; look into getting a hobby… Yet him visiting friends provide a break from the nagging, it’s a way of ignore the issues – you, but it does the reverse because it just compounds the issue of him not being there for you.
If you spend a time apart without any contact this may help or backfire on what you wish to achieve, especially if he’s already ignoring those issues/needs. Therefore the problem is not going to go away as it’ll be there when he returns! You need to talk and ask for what you want; otherwise it’d be pointless separating other than to have a breather.
From what I gather you wish to have intimacy, closeness (a relationship), he wants you to stop nagging, have timeout with his mates, ignore your needs and continue playing video games all day (a single lifestyle)? This will require proper Counselling.
For me, it sounds like more than THE RUT has crept in… all the cutesy love of showing affection has flown out the door in less than a year. He’s showing you what he’s made of in his natural environment, not everyone is interesting all of the time, but that still doesn’t excuse them from being attentive and affectionate etc. to their partner!
Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 May 2014):
 What you have is very typical of couples that get into a rut. While sending him away may seem like a good idea... it's just going to band aid fix the bigger wound. And once he comes home it will start all over again.... and you will be back to feeling bad.
My husband and I were LDR and yes I admit to having more kisses and cuddles and more sex when we were LDR and once we moved in together, that all went by the wayside... IT runs in spurts now for us which from what I can tell is common.
I suggest you get a copy of the book THE FIVE LANGUAGES of LOVE. your BOYFRIEND is showing you he loves you but you are not speaking his language and you are showing him you love him but he's not speaking yours.
Some folks use words to show love (that's you so you think if you don't hear him saying "I love you" he does not)
Some folks define love by doing acts of service (taking care of you physically and financially is his way of saying "I love you" but you don't speak acts of service as a way of seeing love...
I also suggest that you two consider some couples counseling since counseling is mostly about learning to properly communicate and I sense that you two have not worked that out yet.
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A
female
reader, NikkieBoo  +, writes (19 May 2014):
I know the feeling if been in a relationship 2 years this month , however we were living together within the first 3-4 months due to him being kick out of his home we lived to gether up till feb 2014 our relationship drifted constantly argued fell out barely spoke hated the site of eachother sometimes so i thought times up time to move on and see eachother now and then so he moved out and we now see eachother wednesday evening till thursday morning and saturday morning till sunday evening however occasionally on a friday too our relationship is getting so much better and we actually enjoy eachothers company again although i understand in your situation money wise and a child involved kicking him out is going to not work so why not try having girls time with your friends and him go out with his mates or has them over at the house and you go out or something to give eachother a break i used to get funny when my fiance wanted to go out but acting like that pushes them away so let him go out doing what he enjoys doing! start dressing up in the bedroom, cooking romantic meals for two, go on moonpig order a photo card with a photo of someone on with kind words little things like this will hopefully make things better and show him you love him and make him realise that he needs to do nice things like that for you also so works both ways. Good Luck ! let me know how you get on Yours Truly,NikkieBoo xx
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