A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My son's biological father, we'll call him "Cord", his mother "Jackie" is trying to get visitation with my son. Cord is deceased, he got drunk on Father's day, never called to see my son or ever acknowledged that my son was his, and he fell off of a roof.I haven't talked to, seen or even been in the same vicinity of her or any of her family for over four years. They haven't seen my son, attempted to see my son for the last four years.I spent my entire pregnancy telling Cord that my son was his, biologically. He kept telling me that I was a whore and my son wasn't his, he didn't look anything like him, etc... and I finally just accepted that. I was young and stupid, I bailed him out of jail twice, paid on his fines. After he died, my parents were having issues, so my son and I stayed with Cord's mother and his Aunt in their new house they were renting. I job hunted everyday until I could get into my own place. The entire time I was living there I was dealing with Jackie's brother "Matt" coming over to the house and fighting with them, yelling, screaming, violent. I came to find out that he was using meth. I also found out they are all felons and meth-heads and hang out with people of that association. After my friend was raped by one of their "friends" I took her to the hospital and their "friend" then threatened my life. These people are drama, drugs, violence and drinking. Even her other children are in trouble with the law at 14 years old.I don't want my son growing up around these people or in that environment; he has no idea who she is or who they are, she is a stranger and as far as my son is concerned my fiance is his dad. As he has been there for him and he is the only dad that my son has known. Jackie is seeking grandparent visitation with my son and I received a letter from her lawyer and now I don't know what to do.I've been told that grandparent rights in this state (Wyoming) are in effect and if she takes me to court they could rule in her favor, as my son is the only link she has to her son and as a "single mom" (until I get married next year) I might need her assistance with the hardships of motherhood. I need some advice on what to do. Should I settle outside of court and agree to supervised visitation or should I wait to see if she has the funds to take me to court? I'm so lost and confused, any help is very much appreciated. Thank you
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 May 2014):
 Because she is his grandmother and she may have had some changes in her life that have made her reconsider her behavior.
It's not your place to question WHY... it's your place to protect your child but not at the expense of his knowing his family on both sides.
you may not like her but she is still his grandmother.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): I don't need her assistance, financial or otherwise, her lawyer implied that I need her assistance. I haven't heard from this woman in four years, why does she want to see my son now? She has had four years and never attempted to make contact.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 May 2014):
It's not for you to decide if she's fit to see your son, she has a legal right. I also believe it's the right thing to do.
I'd definitely require supervised visits. So if you want to avoid court, offer her supervised visits under the condition that anyone you know is violent is not present. That includes Matt and the rapist obviously.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 May 2014):
I would by all means get an attorney that does family law in your area and go by what they say.
I would also be inclined (if it was ME) to be the one IN CONTROL of this mess by offering SUPERVISED visitation that is supervised by a court appointed third party that the grandmother and her side have to pay for. (usually court ordered supervision has a fee for the supervisor and usually the parent (or grandparent) that requires the supervision has to pay.
If the judge says that the grandmother has done nothing to warrant supervised visitation but he would give it if you paid for the supervision then do so....
Whether or not her son was dead or alive or you needed her assistance or not, the woman is your child's biological grandmother and legally she has a right to know him.
Since you will have to give her contact (legally and morally it's the right thing to do) I suggest you take charge and be in total control of it to the best of your ability.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 May 2014):
 Wow. I read Wyoming's statutes on grandparent visitation rights, and that is quite interesting to say the least. I was about to tell you to get a lawyer and research the criminal records of all who live with her to prove that the conditions are toxic to your child....until I read this near the end of your post:
"as my son is the only link she has to her son and as a "single mom" (until I get married next year) I might need her assistance with the hardships of motherhood."
Assistance? As in, financial assistance? You need to make a choice, because seeking financial assistance from her would bolster her case in the courts in Wyoming, as it's hard to prove that she is unsuitable for visitation yet suitable to contribute to your child financially.
BUT...there is also another issue in Wyoming law, and it has to do with Cord's estate. You are owed back child support from his estate for the years both he and his child were alive. I'm guessing that given his behavior, he neither had a will nor much in the way of assets, so the court would have provided a beneficiary, which would have most likely been his parents. I don't know if he would have had a life insurance policy either, BUT...you could take the beneficiary of his estate to court for the back child support payments. That is YOUR leverage to play here.
You need a lawyer. That much is certain because this is tangled and Wyoming is one of the few states that give biological grandparents rights. However, you have a right to support as well for the years Cord did not pay you. His obligation for FUTURE child support died with him, but you can sue for the arrears from his estate.
That plus looking into household criminal history gives you feet to stand on, but your true defense, I think, is in parallel laws instead of refuting the grandparent visitation. You'll need to negotiate, and a lawyer of your own is best suited for that. Wyoming has pro bono family lawyers for people with limited means, so don't be intimidated by her letters.
I am not qualified to give official Wyoming legal advice, so you do need a lawyer. However, this is the legal landscape as I see it...as much as an anonymous agony aunt is able to offer. Take it as you will, and I'm sure my esteemed fellow aunts will have even better advice than I do. I have never dealt with family law personally, and I know some of them have.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): I think you've posted about this a couple of times over the past year or so.
If they are nasty people, get a lawyer, but bear in mind that they allowed you and your son, the only thing (person) they have left of her son - would you not want visitation if you were in her shoes?
If they are a danger to your son or are abusive, then the wouldn't get visitation except maybe supervised. If they just shout a lot, you could have your lawyer set up conditions for any of them to see your son.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): Hi, first I would let her follow the legal route, don't give right now. I would also not want my kid in that kind of environment. I would also build evidence against why your son cannot be anywhere near that house or that family. You should be able to win the case if you can prove that nothing bust disaster can come from any association with this family.
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