A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I'm just looking for a bit of advice, I'm really hurting and angry infact confused and I just don't know how to get over this or move on from it. I'll tell u briefly about the history. 3 years with a guy a few years older than me (39) It took a while but u fell for him and we were blissfully happy although I had suspicions he was up to no good - but every time, he'd tell me it was all in my head. Fast forward 15 months and his girlfriend of 2 years messages me to tell me . Of course I'm horrified and felt like my world had ended right there. I had been right all along but he managed to get into my head and make out i was imagining it. I decided to give him a chance, I believe everyone deserves a second chance. How stupid was I. Things were good, I moved In. His parents hated me because they loved this other girl so they wouldn't come near me and used to make nasty remarks about me to him. 6 months later he chucks me out coz he can't take anymore... We had been arguing and I would bring up what he had done. I know I shouldn't have when I had made the decision 2 stay. We started dating again because he thought maybe not staying 2 gether would do us good. 4 months later I fell pregnant. I was stunned and went to him thinking he would reassure me etc but no. As soon as I arrived I took abuse and he told me we were finished and he didn't want this baby. His mother said she was taking nothing to do with the kid because she hates me. Disgusting!!!! I lost the baby and didn't speak to him after I was discharged. 6 months later he contacts me via post and sends messages to my friends, we agreed to meet for coffee and it was great just like old times. We began seeing each other again - I know how silly this sounds. SO.... now the current problem. Mother arrives at the door slaps him tells him he's not her son anymore and he's dead to her and his siblings and she's telling the girl from the past - the original girlfriend that messaged me the 1st time years ago. I confront him, he denies.. then admits it. He had started seeing her again when we split decided it wasn't working, contacted me again, but failed to end things with her. This has resulted in me and my family getting abuse through Facebook from her family (this woman is 36 would u believe!!) She and I both confronted him and said what we had to say but she has told everyone I was having an affair with him behind her back. I feel so so so stupid. I don't need any of u to tell me how silly and gullible I've been, believe me I know. I need to move on from this but I don't know how!! I'm so angry I feel like a complete and utter fool and I keep asking myself why I wasn't enough or why have his family been so horrible. Not only that but he told his family i was abusive towards him which is lies but thankfully his sister believed me. He texts me every day - says he just wants to be friends, nothing more and wants to check I'm ok. I think I should be changing my number!! I'm stunned a man of his age allows his family to dictate who he is involved with. Even his brother who is younger than me said he was disowning him if he came back to me. What is wrong with these people?? Any advice would be appreciated. My emotions are all over the place. Thank u for reading
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 May 2014):
 I agree with Aunty BimBim totally.
if you can't block him, change your number. also block him and his family and friends on all social media and send their email to an empty folder automatically so you don't see it...
IGNORE him and his crazy family 100%
and save everything and keep track of it.
and if you feel threatened..do NOT be afraid to bring in the police.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2014): I completely agree with Aunty B about saving all the nasty messages they've sent you- the whole bunch seem unhinged, and you don't know the level people like this will stoop to- who would have expected he would accuse and LIE to everyone about you abusing him?? Who does that?? On,y people that are screwed in the head... Think about what a sad existence he really has... He's likely been screwed up partly because of his nutty family... As for getting over the hurt? Well you can't beat yourself up... It doesn't mean you're stupid or DESERVE the hurt you feel- Emotions CAN have a crazy hold on our actions- look at people that committ suicide, or murder others out of jealousy/ hurt? Unfortunately this slimy creep has been slithering over this earth for a long time and is an ACE MANIPULATOR. He's an exceptional actor, and because of what a sociapath he is, he has no qualms about deceiving others to the best of his ability- probably his biggest "strength"- manipulating and deceiving others... We've ALL been there at some point... Some people have no conscience holding back their twisted minds, and become sociopathic wizards... Lol... I still can get over how people can be so heartless! The best thing you can get from this is strength- Amd wisdom- you're wiser as to the signs that something's NOT right, whether you realise it or not, listen to your gut more. Pick yourself up from this by telling yourself that HE lives a pathetic empty existence, and you were just in the way of a bad accident, which is what he is. Treat it as a learning curve at the same time.In addition to saving the messages his family sent, don't delete this post or your account on dear Cupid... All of this woukd come in useful if he really loses the plot or anything... :/ Lucky escape, go out with friends, family, and don't be scared to ENJOY yourself, life's too short! BLOCK HIM. Get your network provider to bar his phone alls, messages, it's always possible. Tell him firmly to stop contacting you, OR you'll get a restraining order. It's that serious, this guy n his family is UNHINGED. Time to start looking after number ONE! You WILL feel better soon, believe me. Take care :)
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (19 May 2014):
 All I can tell you that you need to go cold turkey and don't ever have anything to do with him. The pattern is transparent and nothing will change unless you move on. He will continue to hurt you no matter what you do. He showed his true colours when you fell pregnant, he does not care about you the only person he cares about is himself. Move on and don't look back, this guy is bad news and will only bring you heartache. Just believe that you deserve better and he is just a nightmare.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (19 May 2014):
 Let his ex/current or whatever she is/girlfriend have him, they deserve each other.
Now, none of that is going to help you recover, so now some practical stuff. Ask your family to save the messages etc in case you need them down the track a bit .... you never know with people like his family and it is better to be safe than sorry.
Block his number, cease all communication, he has more than proved he is not reliable or trustworthy, his family have shown you what your future would hold if you have anything to do with him. Do not speak or communicate with him in any way shape or form. If changing your number is what it takes, then change your number. If necessary swap phones with a big burly male relative for a while, that might help get the message across.
If he finds ways around it, use those messages etc sent to yourself and your family members and take him to court for harassment.
Sweetheart I am sorry you have had to go through the beginning of a pregnancy and then loss of the baby by yourself. That would not have been easy.
However, and this is very important, any line of communication left open between you and this abusive man and his family will only hold your recovery back. Don't have ANYTHING, nothing, to do with him. If you see him out and about turn your back and walk the opposite direction. No conversations, no facebook interaction no phone calls, no photographs, no texts, nothing.
I hope you can manage to get him out of your life and behind you. Good luck!
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