A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The guy I used to date and I are talking now, just as friends. We had an abrupt break up so now we are just exchanging friendly emails to catch up, I guess. I never went beyond friendly because I thought that after almost a year of not seeing each other (we were long distance for a while) and only being intimate/physically together for 3 months, he would move on. But I guess it's unrealistic to assume...I can't say I wouldn't want to try again with him. I broke up with him because of his arrogance and cheesiness. He makes sexual jokes and thinks it's smooth but it's actually unbelievably off putting. In his recent email from yesterday, he commented on a dress I was wearing (saw it on Facebook).. It wasn't an inappropriate picture, I was fully clothed. But he said "what a pretty dress, I don't remember taking it off of you so it must be new." I read that with a big "WTF" in my head...that's so weird and gross. But its not unlike him. He thinks its funny and flattering and cute but it just comes off as creepy, to me. Should I just cut contact altogether? I thought maybe he had changed but he's still as cocky, so to speak, as before. Everything else is good about him, he would make a great long term bf but I wanted to know if I'm being super picky and unfair? He's made comments like "why do you need birth control, you're not f*cking anyone (when we were long distance). He also comments on cute girls that pass by. But it almost feels like he does these things cause he doesn't realize how stupid he sounds. Is it something to look past? Thank you! As you can tell, I would consider trying something again with him, if it wasn't for the stupid sh*t that sometimes comes out of his mouth. He's pretty intelligent and we share a lot of common interests.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 May 2014):
 I'm not sensing that the PROS of this guy outweigh the CONS.
it sounds like you will never be happy with how he interfaces with you... so why bother to try again?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2014):
 Eh, why waste time on this joker?
And he makes for a real creepy friend, so again - WHY waste time on him?
All the things you have in common doesn't seem to OVERRIDE his attitude. YOU are hoping he can be someone else. Someone less crass, you seem to forget... He is who he is. He won't change, my bet is he think he is hella suave!
It didn't work LAST time you dated, nothing has changed so it's kind of futile to TRY again, IF you ask me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2014): Do it! Let's be honest you can't deal with "all the stupid sh*t he comes out with" - STILL... seriously?? If he TRULY wanted you, he would up his game and make the effort to act differently considering how much he knows you HATE it... If he was serious he would have gone away, WORKED on the reasons why you broke up and then come back to you, SINCERELY... I don't think he knows that word though?
Like mark said, he's NOT mature and NOT relationship material... Common interests are not EVERYTHING in a relationship, And you can find others anyway...
THats my say anyway, take care :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): My instinct tells me this man might be a little older than you, if that is the case then I suggest moving on. You tried it, didn't work out, why put yourself going backwards when you can move forwards?
Sounds to me he treats you more like entertainment than with the respect you deserve, again, I might be wrong, but you might be making allowances because he is manipulative? If something about him is " spooky"...then that's not a comfortable place to be.
You could be feeling comfortable, happy, and many other more positive things, with someone else.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (19 May 2014):
 Hi
The two of you spilt up for a reason. The main reason you ended the relationship was his cheesiness and his arrogance. Neither of those two attributes have changed. If you were to try again with this guy it would simply be a repeat of the first time round.
Clearly, from the way you have described him, his is still adolescent, cocky, makes inappropriate comments and lacks maturity and social skills. He is also quite rude. No matter how intelligent he may be in other areas, or how many traits you have in common, why consider going back to someone who behaves in such a manner.
Aged 22-25 you may well be looking for a more serious relationship now, perhaps to settle down or at least have someone to be there through life's slings and arrows. This guy is not mature enough for that. If you are looking to be serious with someone then its only natural to start looking at the bigger picture, the whole package if you like. Even if you are looking for something less committed and casual I don't think his behaviour makes him an attractive proposition. You looked past these issues last time and eventually you realized he wasn't for you.
Its always best not to contact an ex, or decline offers of friendship should they contact you. The trouble with trying to be friends with a former partner is that at some point one, or both of you, will have some feelings reignited. The problem with that is that we often focus on the happy times we miss, the good points, and that can cloud our judgement.
If he was serious about getting back with you, especially as he knows (I assume) that you didn't like his manner, then he should be trying hard to prove that he has changed. Instead he does his arrogant, cocky routine.
Obviously its your choice if you wish to become more than friends, but he clearly hasn't changed and it was this same behaviour that ended it for you last time. Trying to stay friends probably wont work either, as he is always making sexual comments. I would advice you to move on and find someone else, rather than hoping you can change the past.
Best of luck
Mark
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