A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been dating this girl for 7 months now and everything was great we hardly faught we had great sex and we went out and had fun , right before the summer started she wanted to talk and said she was not ready for this relationship , she said a break first i gave ger space and she cane back texting ne and lets do dinner we went and she said she was confused about us and wanted to find herself , the underlying thing is i knew she had gotten a shore house with ger girlfriends and then she chose to say i cant be in this relationship but i dont want anyone else and i love you , so my question is , do i wait for her to party it up down the shore house or do i move on , and what can her intentions be ? I ttreated her like a queen did everything i coulfd her family love ne her friends love me , everyone is like what is wrong with her , what do i do ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): I am the person who wrote this and i want to say that this has been so helpful and i am glad i got to share my thoughts and heartbreak , sometimes the people around you do not have exactly the right answers you have been looking for , from this standpoint i just want to add a few things , she created a book that said our beginning with pictures of us and the things we have done , she claims that she does not know what she wants and is not ready for this relationship , i know people can have blinders in when they are in love and not see the bad stuff , and i do see the bad stuff but i do feel like it is not completely over., Now , do i want to wait around for her to hook up with juice heads and then realize that i was the right guy for her or do i want to just live my life and move on hook up date whatever be single again , before her ive dated and messed around for a long time so it was like getting boring to me thats why i wanted a serious relationship , we had things in common we shared the same heritage her parents loved me , i got along well with her brother who hated every one of her boyfriends , i even had my friend do work on her families house for cheap and pave a backyard for a baptism and i wasent even invited to that , this breakup seriously came out of noware it was like who are you , , the main thing i figured out is she will be down the shore so i figured she will break up with me to do her and not feel guilty , after all the things we been through all the holidays i guess she thinks i deserved al least that , but i can say i loved her , im no sucker i kniw a person can get wrapped up in love and come out of character but i truly felt like this was it , i have found her , and then this , i can not even begin to describe the heartache i felt , ive read a blog on here that this person posted stating you dont know if your alive or dead , ive felt that like just wondering , so i go out the following week and i run into a high school friend who everryone had the hots for , she ended up giving me her number , it felt good but i dont know if i am ready to call , i still feel this pain , someone told me dont put all your eggs in one basket , i say they are right but you can not help how you feel about someone , i am ready for whatever comes my way but i will be cautious next time and nit let someone in 100% its not worth the heartbreak , i also think because i have my career taking off soon she had some envy , because she really didnt know what she wanted to do in life even career wise she graduated and is working a bad job , so i feel for her but thats something i offered to help her with too , it just went all downhill , i say this let her go out there and find someone who she thinks is better , because honestly i dont think she will , i know it sounds cliche but i have confidence in myself and i know i always did right by her no matter what it took my , but thank you everyone for the help it is much appreciated i do feel so much better to ket it out
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 May 2014):
 She was torn and deciding between wanting to party and hook up with guys or settle down and be with you. She choose option A.
What does that mean for you? It means that, unfortunately, she didn't love you enough to give up partying with her friends and being young. What should you do now? Move on and let her go 100%. She may regret her decision or she may not. Let that be on her. Either way, you deserve better than a woman who chooses to go party with the girls and THEN come back to you. A woman who loves you would never give you up to go party. Just my two cents.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 May 2014):
 I would not wait for her to get it out of her system.
This is not about how you did or did not treat her... in fact it's NOT about YOU at all... it rarely is..
there is a great old book out there called "A Fine Romance" it's in paperback by Judith Sills and if you take NOTHING away from this book but ONE thing it's that IT'S NOT PERSONAL.
In other words... her choices are not based on how you treat or or how you feel about her... they are based on her own baggage.
Her choice to be free and single while at the beach makes GREAT sense to me... that way she never has to cheat on you... it shows she has good morals and ethics.
I would tell her to have a great summer and get on with your life... if she falls back into your life later on you can decide then what to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): Read this article and see if it gives you a little comfort:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-got-dumped-and-i-know-how-.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): My friend, I feel your pain; but there is something you have to realize. Some relationships come with an expiration-date. You don't put your feelings on hold for anyone. Especially, while they're living it up.
Some relationships are not intended to be long-term; even if they are otherwise running very smoothly.
I was out of the dating scene for several years in a very committed-relationship. My partner died. I stayed single for many years after, until I met someone. We hit it off great.
He's quite well-off financially, and I am comfortable. Everything was perfect. We never fought. Although he had some scary secrets, and unacceptable things I discovered. I just chose to ignore them. Well, he decided things should end after 10 months. Quite out of the blue. He said I deserved someone better. No explanation. Alrighty then!
We never had a fight or disagreement. He just felt this is it. He had other plans with his life. So what choice would I have but to move on? That's how it goes sometimes.
No, you don't wait for her. You get on with your life, and cherish the memories as I do. Each time someone touches your life in a positive way, they leave you something special to remember. You learn something. They keep your feelings and emotions alive. They exercise your emotions.
Keeping you primed and prepped for someone better.
Sometimes it is meant to be, but for only a short while. She needs to move on, and she wants to be single again. Plain and simple. She sensed you wanted to be together longer; but that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted all the trappings of a meaningful relationship; but didn't want a long-term commitment.
People who do this never really admit this upfront; because you would not invest the time and the effort. They need it; but they just want to borrow your feelings until they find something, or someone, better to do. Don't become jaded or feel rejected. It's a fact of life in dating. It's not our fault.
It will hurt you for awhile. Just give yourself time and keep your idle-time filled with fun activity and self-improvement. Fill-in your love-gap with family and loyal friends. Take a lone-vacation.
That will speed-up your recovery-time. You will run the usual psychological "emotionally-charged" process of detachment. The withdrawal symptoms are excruciating; but you will be just fine. I promise you.
Fate may have removed her now; because someone right for you is making her way to you. Sometimes things happen for a reason.
Don't date until you no longer feel wounded. You'll always feel a twinge of pain. A dull ache in the heart.
Just bear in mind. It's not fair to drag your old baggage into a new relationship, to burden future prospects. Let it all out, and let it all go.
When you're able to go about your day without even a single thought of her, you're ready to date again.
Don't allow yourself to fall too deeply early in a relationship. Pace your feelings, and allow them to grow slowly over-time. It gives you and the other person more time to discover if it is long-term, or just a fling.
Before asking a girl to be your girlfriend, ask if she is looking for a long-term relationship? You'll still have to take it one day at a time; regardless of her answer.
I've been where you are. Shocked, depressed, and confused. Broadsided, without a clue. Sometimes it's for the best. She was honest, and gave you your freedom to find someone right for you. Something more long-term.
That is so much better than cheating behind your back, and lying. Not much less traumatic, I suppose.
Good luck with your recovery. Read my articles and see if they make you feel a little better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): Move on! When someone breaks up with you, they usually try to soften the blow by saying "You are a great person, it's just that I need space to figure out who I am. There's isn't anyone else, though"
Lies, lies, lies. What they really want to say is
"I don't want this relationship anymore because I'm not as attracted to you as I'd hope. But fear not, I HAVE found someone else that I totally have the HOTS for. I hope you'll be okay on your own. Have a nice life."
Sorry dude, she's not coming back and if she doesn't, it'll only be to lick her wounds if this other guy doesn't work out. If she really wanted you, she would have scaled heaven and hell to make it work. Move on.
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