A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We went out with 2 guys yesterday, my friend and I. The whole discussion with her started after I noticed ( I think) that when It was time to pay, the guys were kind of hesitant ( may be I am mistaken). I was ready to offer to pay for my drinks, which honestly was totally out of my budget, but then my friend looked at me and I didn't offer to pay. Then later on, she told me to not even think of offering to pay, because, first of all they invited us, they picked a place, and they need to pay. We started kind of discussing this whole thing, and she told me that in her opinion if a guy has no money or limited then he shouldn't invite any girl out to drinking or eating places. She said . WE are students, we never go to 13$ martini places, we always go to ladies nights where drinks are free or half price. Do you think we should at least offer to pay something ?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 May 2014):
 If a guy invited me out, back in the dark ages before the internet and cell phones I assumed the invite meant he was going to pay....
in this day and age of equality I would go with the "I'd love to but that place is out of my budget this week" and if he offers to pay then he pays.
Often now even among girl friends we play the "one who invited pays" and we take turns....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2014): hi, this is OP. Thank you for answering. I don't understand what equality has to do with it, not mentioning the fact that men and women are still not equal, women make 1/4 less doing the same job as men.
But anyway, it was a date. It was sort of double date. my friend dates one of them for a few months, and I just started dating the guy who was the most hesitant. we never went out like this before, it was only for someone's birthday, so he never had to pay for me, it was the first time.
I am leaning more toward "if he invited, he needed to pay". Its not even about genders. what if I invited him, I would pay.
And, NO, I don't expect men to pay for me all the time
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 May 2014):
 Male anon - you act like just because a person has never been to a particular place, that they apparently live in the stone age and can't look it up on their phone or that they have never heard of the place or what it's like. I've never been to many of the local places around here, but that doesn't mean I'm absolutely clueless as to what to expect.
I'm gay and I love paying for the women I take out. And if I ask, it means I'm definitely paying. And even if I don't ask, it probably still means I'm paying. However, I absolutely find it appalling if the girl I go on a date with EXPECTS me to pay. It's nice to have someone have the common courtesy to not just expect it. In fact, I once dated a woman who used to expect it constantly. She would ask me to dinner and then rack up - and I mean RACK UP the bill and then bat her eyes at me once the check came. She would just act oblivious to life until I picked the damn thing up and paid. I resented the hell out of her. Not because I had to pay - I planned to anyway. But because she felt so entitled. Needless to say, we stopped seeing each other very quickly.
I'm not saying it's not nice and "chivalrous" to pay. But it's also polite and "lady-like" to not act like it's the other persons JOB to pay for you. Have some respect and common courtesy. It's amazing how nice it is to pay for someone who appreciates it rather than feels entitled to it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2014): Drinks could never buy men sex. It is absolutely absurd to think that because a woman lets me pay for her couple drinks I can count on sex that night. But then I am from Europe, and this is how we act when we invite a girl out. We can only hope that this will happen, but to expect it with a thought in mind that because I bought her drinks I can spend a night with her?Suggestions here that you needed to pay for your drinks or even Not go because you couldn't afford it made me laugh. First of all, there is no logic here. How would you know what the place is like? You said, you never even frequent places like these. What were you supposed to do, ask guys before what the prices for drinks are? I also think that it's A very bad manner to invite a girl out and make a scene of hesitation when it came to pay. I don't think you should offer to pay. It was their invitation, and if you are not just friends, it was their obligation to pay.
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A
female
reader, cattycakes  +, writes (20 May 2014):
Now you know, men should pay or drinks if they hope for sex. So don't let them pay for sex with you! Aaarrrrgghh. How horrible that sounds. Now I should put LOL. I think.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 May 2014):
I think that if you agree to go somewhere with someone, you should never assume someone else is picking up the check. If you can't afford to go to that place, simply don't go. Those guys weren't obligated to pay your way. That's absurd. You don't mention whether or not they are guys you went on dates with or just friends. But either way, it's no ones responsibility but your own to cover the cost of what you bought. Why would it be someone else's job? It's a very considerate gesture to have someone offer to pay. But it's certainly not required. To expect it just says to me that the person is a spoiled brat. Just my two cents.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (20 May 2014):
 Women want equality and there for women need to be prepared to offer to pay their fair share.
IF the guy offers and pays then so be it, but it doesn't hurt to pay! When you go out, you should also go only if you have money to pay and never expect to be paid for! That, in this day and age, is actually pretty rude.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 May 2014):
It really depends on the guys' motives. If it's a friendly "we should catch a drink" then you should pay. If they were hoping for sex or another date then they should pay.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): Lol. No, men still pay for women. I am your age, and no, you didn't have to offer money in this particular situation. If you were friends, then it goes without saying: of course you split the check, BUT it is only when it was agreed upon place before you went. It sounds though that it was sort of double date. If guys picked the place, and you had no idea what this place is and how much drinks are, then absolutely no, you didn't have to offer them money. When I am invited by a guy, and place is expensive, I ussualy order something in a middle. I don't hike up his bill being inconsiderate, but there is no way I offer him money. I think your friend is totally right. Noone was forcing them to take you to a 13$ martini place. I am sure you would be as happy to just go somewhere more simple where drinks are 6$. But it sounds like they wanted to impress you, then let them. May be times changed, but a matter of demand and supply didnt, as common as it sounds. Men still do the invites, and men still do the chase, most of the time. So, next time just relax, order that martini without thinking twice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 May 2014):
 I have always brought money to a date (to pay for myself) and I have never ordered things I couldn't afford.
If a GUY asks you out to a fancy dinner where you know you can't afford the $45+ split then TELL him maybe we should find a cheaper place because I'm on a Ramin noodle budget. THEN he can offer to pay OR you can go elsewhere.
Do what YOU feel is right (and if that is paying YOUR share then DO so) don't let your friend dictate what you should do.
BUT don't go out drinking and expecting everyone else to pick up your tab because you have a uterus. If you can't afford $13 martinis, then DO NOT order one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): On dates who pays depends on the couple, but you should always offer to pay your share.
In early relationships when still figuring things out never go anywhere you can't afford.
If you're just friends you buy your own drinks, unless they offer to treat you, in which case you buy next time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2014): This is why I was always frank about it. aka "ooh I'd love to go but thats not in the college budget" then they'll offer...or not
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (19 May 2014):
Yes I do. It isn't right for men to pay for girls unless there is an arrangement for the girls pay next time. It is unfortunate that it was so expensive, but I would offer something.
I am quite surprised, because I am really old, but even when I dated all those years ago I paid for myself. Birthday treats etc were an exception. I thought men paying for women went out in my Mums generation. If someone asks you to meet them somewhere it isn't the same as saying they are going to pay for you. You are all friends, you are equals although a different sex after all?
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