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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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This married woman thinks she is a beauty queen!
Q. I would like to have your opinions on this woman. She is married but because she is unhappy in her couple, she feels she can cheat her husband. Well, she thinks that she is a beauty queen even though she is not. She says that she can have any man ...
A. 27 June 2014: In all honesty what matters and what will make men want her is her attitude.
if she thinks that she can have any many she wants she probably can because confidence is sexy.
what about this woman pushes your buttons so badly that yo... (read in full...)
Don't give me a lecture because I am only in it for the money!
Q. We dated for two years and he was a lovely person we separated because of me...i was not reliable. However his back, wants back... I dont really mind him being around because he is good to me. And doing financially badly, i wouldnt min...
A. 27 June 2014: It's easy.
every time you provide services he pays you.
it's called prostitution and basically that is what you are asking for.
so you barter how much each blow job is worth
how much each act of sex is worth depending on the orifice.
... (read in full...)
A FWB with a younger lady has turned into a relationship but my friends still tease about her. How do I turn this around?
Q. I want to start off by saying I know my actions were uncalled for and I truly am sorry for the details I shared andhow they effected everyone. I'm 41 years old and this winter I met a 22 year old student and "hooked up" with her a few times. I...
A. 26 June 2014: My husband and I started out as FWB/NSA
I'm much older than he is and when we were going to start up he told his THEN friend about it and his friend told him
"it's old and not that attractive, hit it and be done with it"
husband (then c... (read in full...)
7 years in a sexless marriage. Is it wrong to ask my wife if I can get sex somewhere else?
Q. I am a 53 yr male with what I would call a good sex drive and I have been in a sexless marriage now for about 7 yrs medical issues.We have been together for 23yrs I love my wife very much and we have a great relationship but I afraid this could do ...
A. 26 June 2014: If I was your wife I would say fine... but then I'm not your wife and most women can't deal with realizing that men can have sex without falling in love...
are you missing SEX or are you missing intimacy.
As honeypie pointed out, th... (read in full...)
I caught my boyfriend on dating website with profile. He denies it. Do I tell him to take a hike?
Q. Hello So my bf of 3yrs was caught on a dating site. My friend happened to ne on the same site and alerted me. I confronted him and he had some lame excuse for being on it. I asked if he had met anyone off of there, and he said no of course. He sa...
A. 26 June 2014: EVEN if he didn't do anything wrong (as WiseOwlE suggests) YOU do not trust him or believe him... that alone should tell you something about your relationship with him.
IF you don't trust him or believe him, it would be fine for you to say "It'... (read in full...)
He brought an 18 year old home and wanted a 3some. What to do to cope with my bad feelings over this?.
Q. I am dating a guy that I am crazy about, I am not what you would call a woman that has had the greatest track record with men, two divorces and several lost relationship problems in between with men and woman. Needless to say, been single for a wh...
A. 26 June 2014: If my husband walked in the house with a woman 20 years younger than I am and wanted me to have sex with her (and I'm bisexual)I would have said NO. Sex with people for me is ON MY TERMS... NOT theirs. it has to be mutual.
YOU mean nothing ... (read in full...)
He went away without me and I feel like I need to even the score
Q. My BF of a year and a half is away for a month. Visiting family in South America. I am not going because I have no $$. He knows this and still went for a month without me. I am hurt and jealous and annoyed. It comes after several rocky months of him ...
A. 26 June 2014: It's not even a matter of him going for a month..
what the issue for you OP is that he won't commit to you the way YOU want. YOU are not as important to him as he is to you.
It's a one sided relationship that you are trying to make be wh... (read in full...)
Any suggestions for extremely painful periods?
Q. Help! My periods are awful! They are so painful. I am currently on Tranexamic tablets for when I am on my period. It was okay when I first started them, but now they do not seem to be helping anymore. I went onto the pill and tried a few but I wa...
A. 25 June 2014: you really do need to see your gyn about this. if one pill does not work you try another... I was put on BCP at 14 for just this reason.
I had very painful periods when I was younger and probably had PDMS or whatever severe PMS is now called. ... (read in full...)
He went away without me and I feel like I need to even the score
Q. My BF of a year and a half is away for a month. Visiting family in South America. I am not going because I have no $$. He knows this and still went for a month without me. I am hurt and jealous and annoyed. It comes after several rocky months of him ...
A. 25 June 2014: OP, I had to go back and check your age you sound like one of those 18-21 yr old girls that posts.
THERE IS NO SCORE IN LOVE and relationships. Sometimes you row, sometimes he rows. It’s not about who did what and are we EVEN… there is no EV... (read in full...)
How can I trust my boyfriend when he promises he won't cheat on me again?
Q. I want to be able to trust my boyfriend, I really do but at times I can't help but doubt what he says when I know he has cheated and lied to me before. We have been together on and off for four years, nearly five. He cheated on me after about a ye...
A. 25 June 2014: If he had done it ONCE yeah maybe I'd say give it a shot.. but he's done it twice... that's a choice not a mistake.
You can't and should NOT trust him. He's done NOTHING to earn this trust.
Trust is like a fine china tea cup. When you are ... (read in full...)
Why don't my family like my boyfriend?
Q. Ok so I need some help trying to figure out why my family (parents and aunt and uncles) have a gut feeling about my new bf but can't give me any reason why they don't trust him. I'm really close to my family and normally they are fine with people I...
A. 24 June 2014: no need for any aunts to respond... the uncles got it just fine!
... (read in full...)
What are some easy pitfalls to fall into, how can I avoid them and what are some good ways to show I really do care?
Q. The other day I finally got to meet up with a girl I "met" online a few months ago who I've talked with every day, everything went great and I'm gonna see her again soon. I tried to meet up with her a few times before but it never worked out, she ...
A. 23 June 2014: The best thing you can do is be yourself. Being someone else never works.
#1 do not play games
games are stupid.
you continue to have your life... go to class, go to work, play your games...see your OTHER friends... exercise etc.
... (read in full...)
Unwanted attention from an old guy at the restaurant
Q. Hello, This isn't really a relationship question but I need advice. I have 30 minute lunch breaks every time I work more than a 6 hour shift, which is about 4 days a week. Around my work, there's no where to really eat. We have a Dunkin Don...
A. 23 June 2014: Oh dear god... is 50 elderly now? 50 is the new 30 honey... trust me.
anyway... suggestions to be "rude" is what you need.
I know it won't really be rude but I bet you see it that way.
I would bring a Book... and when he says "... (read in full...)
I'm obsessing over his new wife and I don't know how to stop.
Q. I know before a write this that people are going to think i'm pathetic but i feel like i have nobody i can talk to about how i'm feeling. Long story short, i was in a sort of FWB situation that ended about 2 years ago. I was the one to end it ev...
A. 23 June 2014: OP, if she got everything she wants and it's so perfect, why is he asking to see you one last time?
I'm betting all is not perfect in paradise. But you see it that way.
The key is you think she has a prize you lost. What she has is a... (read in full...)
My partner's lifestyle has me completely turned off
Q. I've been with an individual for over 11 years. We have one amazing son together, but I feel like our son is what/who keeps us together(now).I was never physically attracted to my partner. I fell in love with how safe I felt with him,how gentle he ...
A. 23 June 2014: I can relate.
I will tell you now that the only thing for you to do is leave him unless he wants to change. YOU cannot motivate him to change.
Have YOU told HIM what you told us?
if not that's your first step.
"honey I have bee... (read in full...)
My sister has this ridiculous inferiority complex around me
Q. My older sister has this ongoing confidence problem since we were kids. She compares herself to me and seems to think she comes off worse. She thinks I am more exciting, popular and talented than she is. I have to constantly reassure her that she ...
A. 23 June 2014: Oh how sad for both of you.
you and your sister share one thing... PAIN.
you hurt for her
she hurts so much she can't see how she hurts you.
I agree she needs some counseling. Not sure she would go.
maybe she would consider going ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with a no ambition burger flipper?
Q. I'm 18 and well I'm going to college pretty soon I asked my boyfriend that we needed a break because he keeps lying he has no no career goals he works in a fast food restaurant if he wants a future with me he has to know that flipping burgers ...
A. 23 June 2014: OP, clearly you don't value this young man. I think that you should consider ending it.
Unlike others I do not think YOU can motivate him to do what YOU want him to do. I have never felt that anyone can be motivated by external sources. I b... (read in full...)
It feels like I am putting in all the effort with this girl!
Q. Hey everyone so ill try to make it as short as i can ive been stressing over these past couple of days trying to make the best decision. So ive been in a LDR for about 3 months ive met this girl as a friend i also met her family aswell before we ...
A. 23 June 2014: so you visit her every two weeks for a week at a time?
or did I read that wrong?
anyway LDRS no matter how close they are in distance suck.
my husband and I met at an event and we opted for an NSA/FWB/LDR fun and games event... NOTE he i... (read in full...)
He knew religion was important to me, but now he says he won't convert
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I have known each other for a year and have been dating for about 6 months. We absolutely love each other and we have a very strong relationship. I am Muslim and he is Christian. We used to be close friends before we started ...
A. 23 June 2014: My son's father and stepmother just disowned him because he is marrying a girl that is not Jewish.
As a Jewish woman I was raised that I could only date Jewish boys... and I obeyed my parents. I would have NEVER expected a boy/man to c... (read in full...)
Does this older man have a thing for me?
Q. Does this older man have a thing for me? I know him through work but don't work directly with him, he is always and am not paranoid others have noticed that he always stares at me, when i chat to him i try and be professional and to be fair so does ...
A. 23 June 2014: If he's single and you are single and there is no rule about dating co-workers (and you are willing to risk a job situation to get laid) then I think you can go for it since YOU LIKE HIM.
IF He is married or partnered then there is not... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend called me names and hasn't called in a week. Is it over?
Q. Dear Cupid I am with my current bf for 4 years, for past 3 months we are in LDR as he has to work overseas. We had our ups and downs, nowadays we have more downs than ups. He is always calling me names or belittling me whenever possible,...
A. 19 June 2014: It's over. and even if he calls it needs to STAY OVER.
... (read in full...)
Why don't people put their relationship status on facebook?
Q. What is the reason people don't put their relationship status on facebook? I've noticed some people don't when it's obvious they have a girlfriend because of their pics and statuses. ...
A. 19 June 2014: agreed... they don't do it because it's JUST facebook.
... (read in full...)
Will he regret breaking up with me?
Q. I've been with a guy for over 5 years now - 3 years being a long term relationship and living together for 2 years. About a week ago, he went out with work colleagues and out of the blue he said he didn't want to be with me. He told me that he ...
A. 19 June 2014: Dear tl92,
I read your post and mulled over how to give you the bad news. It’s never nice to hear what we don’t like.
Mark really nailed it in explaining how young you two were when you started.
He blows hot and cold about the situation... (read in full...)
Why do so many women have issues with men watching porn?
Q. I'm just a bit curious. I dont understand why some women get mad just because they caught their husbands/bfs watching porn? what's the deal? I used to watch porn with my bf, I dont see the big deal... It doesnt bother me... but why does it bother o...
A. 19 June 2014: I'm not bothered by my husband watching porn as long as it's not being used as a substitute for our own intimacy.
I think that if a person (man or woman) is excessive about it, to the point that a live relationship is hurting due to excessive... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is insisting I go meet his parents and sister this weekend even though his mam said not to!
Q. Ive been seeing my boyfriend since august. Been official since december. I live in the north of england as does he, but is from the midlands. I know we havent been together too long but its going really well and i really think its guna last and i ...
A. 19 June 2014: I'm glad you are going OP...I agree that BF should call dad and sis and make sure they know you are coming.
Mam just may be resistant to change.... hopefully after she meets you she will like/love you as much as her son does.
best of l... (read in full...)
Is love possible between a 20 year old male and a 16 year old girl?
Q. Is love possible with a 20year male and 16year girl? Will girls tend to change after they attain 18years/maturity? Does she still have love with a person whom after falling in love didnt talk to her for a month?...
A. 18 June 2014: yes it's possible but it's not advised.
wait until the girl of 16 is 20 and the man is 24 and then see how it goes.
... (read in full...)
Before I visit a doctor does anyone have any idea what this could be?
Q. About two months ago I had sex and the lips of my vagina swoll up really bad. It was unfortable and it burned to pee. I haven't had sex since then. Then a little while after that I woke up and one side was swolen (I think I might have been playing ...
A. 18 June 2014: Any woman who is having sex needs to be seen regularly by a GYN even if nothing is wrong.
Time to get yourself to a gyn at 17.
... (read in full...)
Wondering about the "swinging" lifestyle
Q. My wife told me one of her friends recently confided in her that she and her husband have been visiting swingers clubs over the past few months. It started off with her fantasies to have two men at once, but since then has escalated and both of them ...
A. 18 June 2014: Former swinger here. My last marriage was an open marriage from before we were married. IT was my choice not his. but he was thrilled to do it.
of course, in the long run his lack of self-esteem ruined it and he ended up lying and cheating... (read in full...)
Can tall girls get away with heels?
Q. I am 6 feet (183cm) tall and u sometimes wear heels Should tall girls wear heels what do you think ??? ...
A. 13 June 2014: well should short girls wear flats?
wear what you like and what makes you comfortable.
I used to wear heels and I can't anymore and I miss them. I would never tell a woman who wants to wear heels that she should not.
just like I wear... (read in full...)
Do women find compression shorts sexy? I think I have a fetish for them
Q. I have this fetish for compression shorts which are like tights. They make me feel sexy and I also wear them under my regular shorts when I go for a jog or go to a gym for my workouts. They make me feel very sexy. I am shy of telling this side of ...
A. 13 June 2014: I don't find them sexy but I don't mind if a man wears them under his regular clothes. I would not want him to wear them as shorts in public.
I think of them as SPANX for guys and that's fine.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's dad told him we were sleeping together! We aren't!
Q. I met my boyfriend's dad last year. We have been friends and that's the extent of the relationship. Recently his dad said in front of me and him that I have been sleeping with dad. Why would he say this? Now I have major issue with boyfriend. ...
A. 13 June 2014: Is the boyfriend's dad suffering dementia or other age related illness?
why in the world would your boyfriend even believe his dad and not you?
are you leaving information out?... (read in full...)
My vagina doesn't look so nice
Q. Hey guys I don't want him to see my vagina when i was younger i shaved it and i got shaving pimples and i got dark pimple spot and it doesn't look so nice ... what can i do ????...
A. 13 June 2014: I will make the assumption that the area that has spots is your mons since a vagina is internal (i'm a stickler for knowing our own body parts)
and I'm with everyone else that he wont' notice and if he does notice he won't care.
... (read in full...)
I've been having sex with other men with my husband's consent. Anyone else been there, done that? Has it worked out for you?
Q. I have been having sex with other men because it is a turn on for my husband and he wants me to do it. At first I thought that this was some kind of entrapment scheme he was getting me into but I soon found out he was serious. The first few ...
A. 12 June 2014: Swinging ruined my last marriage. Now my new husband and I do not share.
I know of many marriages ruined by letting others into your bed. Three others off the top of my head without even thinking of others.... I know of a few marriages that are... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is refusing to get an STI test
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship although we have been friends for many years. We are trying to figure out if we want to move to the same country and make a go of things and will plan to spend a month together soon. My problem ...
A. 12 June 2014: Agreed. Stick to your guns.
He says he CAN'T use condoms. He means he WON'T and he's never had anyone force his hand.
IF he's allergic to latex they make lambskin condoms but sadly they do not protect from HIV or other STDs only pregnancy.... (read in full...)
How do I know if I'm having an orgasm during sex? And why is it so difficult for my boyfriend to give me a clitoral orgasm?
Q. Hey! This is a really kind of an intimate question. But I was wondering what female orgasms feel like? I'm sexually active with my boyfriend of 1 year. Masturbating by myself, I find I experience this very intense kind of orgasm that cons...
A. 12 June 2014: It all sounds perfectly normal to me.
many women do not orgasm from penetration and many do not orgasm with a partner at all.
I've had over 100 partners in my lifetime and only ONE could consistently bring me to orgasm and then only with o... (read in full...)
Should I just wait for him until he's ready?
Q. Me and this guy have been talking now for almost 4 months. We are in a long distance "relationship", though we aren't official. He came back home two weeks ago and we hung out almost everyday all day. He met my mom, brother, and friends; and I met ...
A. 11 June 2014: You don't say how far apart you are or how often you see each other. these things have bearing on whether or not an LDR will work.
When my husband and I were LDR we were a 2 hour drive apart. After the first 3/4 months we were getting seri... (read in full...)
Does it make me sound like a bad mother if I ask my neighbour out? How do I do it without making myself sound desperate and cheap? And would a younger man even be interested in spending time with a woman 11 years older?
Q. Hi everyone I'm a 46 year old divorced working single mom of 4 kids, so needless to say I'm usually very busy with everything. I've been divorced for 3 years now. Here's my dilemma, about a month ago I just moved into a new place that I'm renting ...
A. 11 June 2014: sounds to me like you have it under control.
you want to be an adult when your kids are not around and you found someone you think you want to do it with.
why not ask him to do something the next time you are kid free. Women asking guys to... (read in full...)
My ex is mentally ill, how do I talk about changing our relationship status on facebook?
Q. Hi everyone! A while back I wrote to you asking if I should break up with my depressed boyfriend. I did it, we broke up. He was since sent to hospital again, where he is currently staying against his will because they believe him to be a danger to ...
A. 11 June 2014: If you two have already had the breaking up conversation then you should have changed your facebook status to single then and there.
It's FACEBOOK for goodness sake not life.
He is your ex. No longer do you need to worry about it.
... (read in full...)
I was in denial when I got married but now I'm in love with a girl
Q. Hey so I'll try and keep this short. Basically when I was a teenager I always liked girls but I didn't want to be gay I guess so I kept myself to myself messed about with girls but nothing serious. And then I meet a guy one i finally thought I could ...
A. 11 June 2014: Oh hugs sweetie... what a rough place for you to be in.
My aunt married when I was about 4. I remember it. I was a flower girl. I loved my uncle. They had a child. Then about 25 years ago my aunt told her husband of forever that she was gay.... (read in full...)
My 15 year old brother in law has been making odd advances and curious about very personal issues. This is making me so confused. Please help?
Q. A little background: I'm someone who never thought about marriage because my parents went through a 6 year long divorce and I don't really understand what love is. I ended up getting married because I got pregnant and we needed the insuranc...
A. 11 June 2014: Sounds like the BIL has a bit of a crush on you (normal)
and your responses were PERFECT IMO.
I would strongly urge your husband to take off more time when his brother comes to visit as I do think that BIL has taken the crush beyond knowing... (read in full...)
Would this be an OK gift for his mother?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 mos and we moved in together in about 2 mos ago. I have met his family and they seem to like me very much. We get together with them about once a week, and his mother just bought us tickets to go to ...
A. 11 June 2014: I think that's lovely. we gave my dad and SM a framed picture of the family from our wedding. ... (read in full...)
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