A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This isn't really a relationship question but what I would like to talk about is how to deal with being around someone who doesn't like you/you don't like them.I usually get along with people and when I find out that someone doesn't like me it really does bother me and makes me sad.To make a long and complicated story short, I'm around another girl a lot who doesn't like me (she's friends with a few of my good friends so we are all together/talk a lot). Because I know that she doesn't like me, being around her is very awkward and very uncomfortable. I know a simple solution would be to just become friends with her. Well, she has started fights with me about a lot of stuff and has said some really uncalled for and mean things to me and I really just don't want to try and become friends with her because I don't trust her and she is rude to me.Maybe someone has gone through something like this or could tell me what I should? How do I handle being around someone who doesn't like me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 April 2013):
 when I realized that I did not like everyone and everyone did not have to like me it was a very freeing experience. NO longer did I care what those who I disliked said to me or about me and once I did not care, their bad behavior did not bother me and I was able to "kill them with kindness"
Many times folks pick up on how we feel about them and it feeds their behavior.
I can't help but wonder if that's going on here... you are both feeding each other without meaning to.
ONE of you has to be the grown up. Since you asked, it's on you.
When you see her, you smile, say hello ask how she is... listen to what she says and acknowledge it properly... then keep going.
if you are at the same table with friends sit as far from her as possible... do NOT avoid eye contact or being yourself. Do no engage her if she gets snarky although I'm wondering if her "rude" comments may just be how she is and you interpret it based on how you feel about her...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): Hi there!
there could be something why this girl hates you.
probably you had been rude to her or something that you've done to her that u did not intentionally mean to offend her, but it offended her.
And this girl cant say it out loud to you about it and all she can do is get even with you by being mean to you. i mean people does have different personalities.
You cannot just hate someone for no reason.
There is always a reason for everything.
So check yourself. somewhere out there, you've done something to make her treat you badly.
Im not sure what it is. but man you have offended her BIG TIME....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 April 2013):
 Sometimes, a situation like this is inevitable, considering that we often "hang with" people who we LIKE.... but someone who we DON'T like .... has those same people in-common with US.... Could be because you enjoy a sport, or attend the same church or... who-knows-what?
The best way to handle such a situation is to be a gracious as possible... whilest still keeping your wits about you.... and, basically, ignoring the person you don't like....
Consider... that you and he/she MAY ever be thrown together in the future (say, on a committee)... .and don't want to have the bridge behind you all charred..... AND, one (or,both) of you MAY decide - sometime in the future - that your mutual dislike is going nowhere... so you (both) may WANT to re-constitute a "friendship"......
Sooo, use a little polite ignoring... and let life go on...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 If she treats you badly and is rude to you, then why are you hanging out with her so much? If she is friends with your good friends, can not your "good friends" tell her to respect you? I understand that they don't want to get mixed into drama, but you ought to have a talk with them about how you try to be polite and nice, but that she isn't nice to you. This will become a problem, and you wont be able to hang out with them if she continues to treat you this way.
It's actually that this girl is trying to squeeze you out. I recognize the technique. She's trying to steal your friends, that is why she does this. It's nothing against you personally, she just sees you as a threat.
It's one thing to get along with someone who doesn't like you. Not everyone can be your friend. But it is quite another to be around someone who is right out hostile towards you. People can be civilized even thought they aren't over the top enthusiastic about one another. Like colleagues, most of them are civil towards each other even of they aren't good friends. They get along, even if they don't particularly like one another. However when there is hostility it borders into something different, and can be classified as bullying even. Or at least, classified as a conflict. In such cases, it is not enough to just be civil/ignore the other. In such cases, the solution is NOT to try and befriend the other.
The solution is to take the bull by it's horns and talk about this problem, and call a spade a spade. She's not nice to you. Tell her that you think she is rude and that you don't like the way she treats you. Tell her you don't expect her to like you, but you do expect to be treated with respect. Tell your friends this as well. If they continue to be mean to you then stop hanging out with them, because if your "good friends" don't care that she is mean to you then they aren't really your friends.
At your age though, people can still be so immature. So there IS another option, which is to sink to her level and start being rude in return, trying to push her out of the group by bullying her. However that is mean. And I don't recommend it, because unless you're skilled at manipulation it is likely to backfire. It is also a complete waste of time, because like I said.. if your friends aren't going to stick up for you then they aren't friends of yours and not worth keeping.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): We've all gone through this at one time or another, you just stop caring OP and pretend she's not there. She's a bitch, why would it be awkward? Are you scared of her or something?
OP you've definitely been around people who didn't like you lots of times, you just didn't know what they were saying behind your back. there's probably even people in your group that may prefer her over you.
Treat her like part of the furniture, be polite but take no shit.
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A
male
reader, deaf4eva  +, writes (18 April 2013):
Imo it could be shes jeleous of you for some reason ! Comming from a mans point of view when sombody does not like you for no reason its normaly down to them being jeleous or insecure (or have a secret crush lol)Your friends are your friends for a reason they know you before long they will see her ways and she will put her foot init and offend people.Dont let people like this bother you they just want drama once she sees you bowing down and give into her she will drain you like an emotional vampire.
My advice is just ignore her she will get bored and move on to another group of friends.
hope that helps a little :)
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