A
male
age
41-50,
*pacekrust
writes:I'm in a relationship with a gf i really love from 3 years. At the beginning everything was amazing,now i'm having real troubles. I m not working for 4 months,i have bills to pay and not enough money (unfortunately my dad passed away last year and i had to give money to my mother cause my parents asked for a mortgage before). We are on a LDR i'm in Austria and she lives in Slovenia. I truly care about her,i will take a bullet from her if it's necessary but in this moment i'm seriously worried about my situation,i keep on sending applications everywhere but economy sucks,i'm not choosy,i really need to work. When i open myself up to her she said that even other people doesn't work and i don't have to b sad about it. I explain her that i'm struggling,and she told me that she is a girl and she wants romance. That i cannot be sad about the fact i don't have a job. We were even talking about the opportunity to live togehter there,but when i go to visit her she doesn't even help me in sending application there,she had a network of friends but never ask them if they can help too in job seeking. When i m there we basically spend time in doing things for her,but never once we go around to look jobs for me. It's like she doesn't care,and i m always helping her with her problems,or cheering her up when she is sad about her things. I'm always tryin to b supportive as much as i can,tryin to encourage her,but i feel like is not the same from her side. I feel like her problems are even mine but my problems are just mine. We spend a lot of time together in search stuff for her,or her family but never once in jobseeking there for me. I m tired of this situations when her small problems come always before mine. I don't know what to do. When i was struggling and she yelled at me she wanted romance i was feeling really hurted and resenful. Wondering if she is a self centered person and thinking if i have to stay with her or not.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 IF you are the only one giving and feel that she's sucking the life out of you, then it's not a relationship that you will be able to sustain no matter how hard you try or how much you want.do not stay because of who you WANT her to be or who she was or who you THINK she can be.... stay because of who she currently is... since who she currently is does not meet your needs... consider leaving.
A
male
reader, Spacekrust +, writes (17 April 2013):
Spacekrust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe has a fulltime job,things are great for her,and i'm really happy about it (no envy at all),but i'm tired of not being helped either a lil bit. Seriously i always had been there for her when she needed,once i was having dinner with friends i was not meeting from a long time,she was sick and begged me to go there,i've been there and spent 5 days taking care of her,cooking for her,going shopping for her,and whatever.I was glad to do it,but support has to be mutual. I feel like i'm always giving and she is always taking. I feel like i'm with a baby i have always to please,doesn't matter what's goin on with me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 April 2013):
Spacekrust, thank you for your post and your updates. I am truly sorry for the loss of your dad to cancer. I lost my mom to cancer in 1995 and it’s still one of the most painful times of my life. While we expect to lose our parents, we don’t want to have them taken prematurely as your dad and my mom were taken from us.
As for your girlfriend, it’s been three years, you are not children and I can’t help but wonder where the relationship is headed. By three years out at your age with a distance gap, there needs to be a plan in place for ending the distance and clearly your gf is not even attempting to help you. You’ve made it clear you would move to be with her if you could find a job and she’s doing NOTHING to help further this along. For me, when hubby and I were LDR, it was all I could do to move heaven and earth to have us together full time. That is for adults the primary goal of an LDR once you know you are serious, to figure out how to be together full time. Anything else is just game playing.
Is she independently wealthy and has no need of employment? If so, that explains her caviler attitude towards employment, if not, if she works and yet dismisses your need to work with the whole “you need to be available for me at my beck and call” then I fear she’s not in the relationship for the right reasons nor is she adult enough to grasp that part of being an adult is being responsible and working and that as a supportive partner you have to help your mate in every aspect of their life, including the things that take them away from you.
It’s been three years and you are not feeling supported by her emotionally. She’s all about what SHE wants… she wants romance, she wants you to be happy and smiling. She has you come visit and does nothing to further your employment or the moving of you to her. I sense that she’s not as fully committed to a long term adult relationship as you are.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Talk to her and tell her that you need her help since this is a new town to you and need a lil help in opening the doors. Also explaine to her that if your not able to find a job there you will be force to return to your town. If her attitude doent change than it might be time to look into this relationship.
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A
male
reader, Spacekrust +, writes (15 April 2013):
Spacekrust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I lost my dad she was supportive,things were really painful,he had a cancer and he suffered one year before to pass away. She was coming with me to visit him in the hospital,and i could not expect more from her. The day he passed away she was with me and she cried more than me,at one point i had to hug her (even if probably i was the one who needed an hug in that moment)
About the job i explained to her but as a result i did not obtained anything,she just complained to be on stand by,and made me feel even worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013):
This might sound an obvious question- but have you asked her for her help in this directly, and talked to her about how affected you are by her lack of help?
If she is somewhat self-centred, she may not have realised how much this means to you, since she is primarily interested in things which affect her.
I would talk to her- calmly- about this and also about how you see the balance of support in the relationship generally. It may be a revelation to her and she may be prepared to work at changing to be a more supportive person. But if not, at least you will know that you didn't give up without trying.
Curious- was she very supportive over your losing your dad? -If she wasn't even supportive through this, I suspect you're right that she doesn't understand.
I hope that you grow stronger through this- you deserve someone that cares for you equally and treats you with love and respect.
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A
male
reader, Spacekrust +, writes (13 April 2013):
Spacekrust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not trying at all to depend from her,but being in a relationship imho means even help the other during rough times. Until I could I tried to treat her the best i could do. The point is that I care if i have a job or not and she is not supporting me in what is important for me.When from the otherside i'm always supportive with her and when she has problems i always give her suggestions or solving to her.
She lives in a bigger town and there are more opportunities there,but i don't have any connection and i speak just few words of slovenian,so getting a job without connections is quite difficult. It is not a normal situation,we don't live in the same country.
As i told is not the best period at all for me loss of my dad plus loss of the job plus my mother is struggling,so i think is normal having a low mood,i'm not a robot.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (13 April 2013):
Are you really willing to break up over this, I suggest you do the searching and interviews all by yourself and take care of your business even if you have to put her in the back seat for a little while. This is important to you to have a job and offer security for you, your girlfriend and family,and it should be important to her too. Do it own your own without depending on people to open the doors do it all on your own. Take this time to see how committed your girlfriend is to you because if she can't offer you a hand right now when you're in need, that could be a sign that she will always put her own needs first.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2013): you are a man. stop trying to depend on someone else. you see she doesn't care if you get a job or not she just want what she wants. take care of yourself. then try to get in a relationship.
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