A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really feel like being in some kind of vicious circle concerning the sex life with my boyfriend. We've known each other since childhood and he has always been my closest friend and now that we both finished university we finally got together for real. I truly love him and trust him and I think he feels the same and also sexually, I feel very attracted to him and everything just feels so right and intense when we are close. But for some reason, he just doesn't really touch my sensitive parts during intercourse. In the beginning I thought it was because he was shy and just not that experienced but now more time has passed and the pattern doesn't really change although I told him that this gives me kind of a weird feeling like he is not actually interested in me. Since we have been best friends for all of our adolescence, we of course also know about each others previous experiences. We were both in rather abusive relationships, both lasting for 3 years and while he barely never got to do anything with his girlfriend because she resented sex in general, I was literally trained to fulfill all a man's needs.Of course I am trying my best to please him now and to use what I learnt to give him the best experience possible. He even gets oral every time and keeps telling me how amazing and incredible I am and he really seems to enjoy things the way they are. But I just can't help feeling like I'm ending up in the same shit as before, where I do all the work, don't feel loved or desired for real and don't dare to change anything for fear of being loved even less. I get excited, I get active, he finishes, I get sad, then mad at myself for taking it down that way and then I'm back to the beginning. I'm having a really hard time receiving pleasure because it instantly worries me that he might be doing something that he is not enjoying as much and he doesn't push it at all either. It's like he doesn't even care at all and I really don't know what to do to change this. (I mean, I really take good care of myself and he even compliments me on the beauty and condition of my body - you smell so good, your skin is so soft, you just drive me crazy, can't get enough of you and so on, and I'm not asking for oral sex which is a different matter, but just a little hand!)It is so weird because in all other situations he is always around me, hugging me, holding me, kissing me and caring so much, but as soon as the clothes come off it's like the switch was flipped.I did talk to him about it very carefully and he said that he's glad I'm mentioning something because 1. he just reaches certain physical limits quite quickly and can't perform on me as soon as I touch him and 2. he was just not brave enough to ask what I like and that this will change now, but I honestly don't buy it. I mean, he's had several months to start being active at all and not just lie on his back the whole time while I'm on my knees or moving through all positions I can think of. I mean, usually men go for what they want, right? So here's my question to the men: what reasons could a guy have (and he's one of the good guys who usually care and give) to not even try touching me in order to reach any form of climax?And to the ladies: am I the only one having an issue with receiving pleasure? What do you do about it and how do you deal with it?Thanks a lot in advance, I'm really grateful for any tip!
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best friend, kissing, oral sex, sex life, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 my husband will grab my boobs and call it foreplay. he is lazy and selfish and a lousy lover. I feel your pain. the problem for me is HE is not receptive to hearing what I want or need but your guy is.
If you have talked to him and told him what you want and he has agreed to work on it, then make it so.
stop giving him blow jobs till you are satisfied.
when you are in bed say to him touch me here now and move his hand and show him what you want.
Just like YOU had to learn what you liked and how he likes his blow jobs (btw every man likes them differently) he has to be taught how you like to be touched and when...
A
male
reader, Saifi benjamin  +, writes (17 April 2013):
I think. what is needed in your relationship is communication. Ask him about it,if not then you initiates it yourself.
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