A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. (I am 28 yrs old and he's 38) It's only an hour flight so we have been seeing each other like twice a month the past four months.I recently lost my job - my contract was not renewed because the company I worked for was not doing very well.We've decided that I should move over to his country to try and find a job. I am frankly scared to death to move to another country and he is not making it easy for me either:1) He doesn't seem to care very much. He is not fully commited to me. The reason why he wanted me to move over is to see if he could live with me? If we are compatible.2) Whenever we have a disagreement, he would stay very polite. He does try to communicated and fix things but, he would also say things like if I decide not to talk to him anymore it's my decision and he would respect that. In a very cool and indifferent manner(this bothers me a lot!)3) My friends are mostly males. He never seem to get jealous and doesn't care if I stayed over at their places and if I met someone new, he would tell me things like: if you want a long term relaionship I don't think he will work out for you? He's giving me dating advice on other men?4) He told me that he would date my best friend if he was taller and if he was single!?(because my best friend is very tall)He has a reputation of being a player in the past. He tells me that he's not like that anymore because he is older now. I don't think he has cheated on me. But I does make me question how much he really wants me and is it worth moving to another country for?I am a difficult person at times, he is very patient with me. But righ now, I really don't know what is best to do.Thank you for reading my story until the end.Any help is highly appreciated.Thanks in advance!
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best friend, cheated on me, jealous, long distance, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): I would dump him and find someone in my own country. I am American with a Belgian husband. I waited for 7 years before he committed. It was the same situation, non committal, putting his life above mine. I wouldn't do it again. I'm happy now, but I lost a lot of years.
It's so hard. You will lose years of your life.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 You have two choices in my opinion.
IF you want to make it work with him, at least ONE of you is going to have to move.
since you are at a point where it would be worthwhile if you think it will work then moving might be in your best interest.
I would NOT move in with him however. I would get my own place and then date locally with him and see how it goes... if it does not work out (and it may not based on your list of problems) then you can move back or stay there and go on with your life without him.
Your other choice is to end the relationship with him.
The whole goal of LDR is to NOT be LDR. My husband moved from one state to my state (a 2 hour car drive) and lost his apartment that he had had for nearly 10 years and his job (he telecommuted but they did not want to deal with the tax issues with him out of state) and took a leap of faith.
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