A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:When we first started to date he told when he heard I was single he sat on it for months before calling me.His folks said when they heard I was single and informed their son that he called me right away. I asked my significant other about it and he got defensive and said Well, I did call.Early in the relationship when I heard his ex-girlfriend was working at a place and having an affair with the owner (my relative's husband) I told my significant other and he said he had encouraged her to get to a license and work and by-God she did it saying he didn't know she worked there he told me. Later in the relationship I saw pictures and he KNEW she was working there because he took pictures of her in her office. I saw his reflection in the window with the camera. Why lie to me about that?He keeps pointing out a church that he said he went to a funeral to when he moved to this town. I asked whose funeral? He said he could not remember. I said you can't remember whose funeral you attended? He got all defensive and said it wasn't an ex-girlfriend's funeral and that it was someone at work. I found out through a friend that it was his ex-girlfriend's mother's funeral. This was another ex-girlfriend.My friend also told me that he did not go out with her for 3 months like he told me, but for over a year before she dumped him.He bought a movie that he wanted me to see. Early in the relationship I remember him saying how the people in the theater laughed at a certain line and that he was with his friend. Obviously, the friend was another ex-girlfriend. So we watch the movie at home and I asked where he saw it? He got all defensive, not remembering what he had previously told me, and said he watched it on a cruise ship that he went on with his parents. I said Oh, really? I'll have to ask your parents. He then said No, they did not see it because he felt it would not be good for them since the movie was about death and dying. He told me this big story not remembering what he had previously told me. Recently, I caught him in another lie. I don't understand why people feel the need to lie to someones face like that. It pains me and it hurts.I haven't called him on any of it because I don't know if a liar can be reformed. I feel it's more like an addiction. I wonder if they get a cheap thrill from lying as well?So I am finding it hard to believe anything he is telling me anymore. I don't know what is the truth and what is lying--unless I do some detective work--and who wants to live like that always digging for the truth.We are engaged. All of this has come to light later in the relationship.
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affair, at work, cheap, engaged, ex girlfriend, his ex, liar Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): The OP here. Thank you for your answers.I just don't know what to do about it.I don't want to confront him with what I really know to be the truth. That doesn't work from what I have read and they get better at covering it up.I've read where it is very difficult to reform a compulsive liar. It's like they can't stop themselves. I've read ways to tell if they are lying, such as body language, word structure, etc. and a lot of it is what he is doing.I'm more worried that I won't be able to always discern the truth from the fiction. I'm at the point where I can't believe anything he says even if it is really the truth.At first I was really hurt, but now I am more sad when I see it happening. It really is an addiction I feel.It could be he just doesn't want me to know about his past with his ex-girlfriends. Otherwise why get so defensive. I just don't see what the big deal is with not telling me the truth. I guess he wants to keep his past to himself and not share anything with me. Maybe he thinks I will leave him. I don't know.So, I don't know whether to stay with this man and just live my life and ignore what he does or move on.Yes, and I do wonder, who is he, really? And what else is there that I don't know about?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 April 2013):
 I have found that people like your SO who lie about stupid mundane stuff really can't help it and they get so caught up in stuff that they believe it themselves.
I would bet that some adult in his family encouraged him in some way as a child to lie like this... I saw it with my ex husband. His mother was his enabler totally. She supported him with his lies and taught him to lie with her own behavior.
I don't think that they get a thrill from lying... I just do not think they can NOT lie.
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A
male
reader, WhiteRabbit1031 +, writes (18 April 2013):
It sounds like u may have a compulsive liar on ur hands. Not really sure which type because in my opinion there are 2. People that lie because their life is boring n they want to sound interesting or the other kind of liars lie because they have something to hide. Once u tell one lie u got cover it with another lie n so on. Honestly its not a good thing either way because that may mean he lies about alot more that u dont know about so it begs the question do u really know who he is? Be careful n def confront him before u tie the knot. Honesty is a huge part of a relationship without it ur doomed. Keep ur head up.
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