A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I’m in need for some advice. I would like to be sexy for my husband… but I have no idea how to. I don’t think I am sexy or have to looks to be considered sexy. I love my husband and I love sex with him. But I’m scared. I have always been an insecure woman. I really try not to let the insecurities come into the bedroom, but it’s a place where I am the most vulnerable.My husband is very good looking. He’s 6’2, he has just the right amount of muscles, beautiful blue eyes, and he is literally the most handsome man I have ever met, on top of being an outstanding guy. I think he is so sexy, but I’m worried he doesn’t think the same about me. I’m a little overweight, mostly in my stomach, but I’m a tall girl so it kind of balances it. I do work out 4-5 days a week depending on my schedule.I’m not sure if he knows it or not, but I have seen the type of porn that he watches. They are small women, big butts, big boobs, and exotic looking; complete opposite of me: small chest, curvier butt and thighs, freckles, dark blonde hair. I’m assuming he finds them sexy. I want to be like that for him too. I want to be confident like those women are.Is there any tips or tricks I can use to look or feel that way? I don’t want him getting bored or disappointed with me and our sex life.
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 April 2013):
 I agree with the other replies here: guys look at a variety of pornography and it doesn't necessarily reflect something you are lacking.
First off, I do have to commend you for exercising. I believe normal exercise promotes a healthy body image. However, your routine may be stale or not effective. If you feel you aren't getting the results you want, consider mixing up your routine or hiring a trainer. Also just because you exercise, doesn't mean that you can eat at the buffet trough with impunity. Eat a sensible diet and your body will come around.
Secondly, your husband married YOU. That means something -- it means a lot actually. Out of all the women in the world, he thought you were the best and he committed his life to loving YOU. Keep this in mind that your husband probably finds you attractive no matter what your body shape looks like. Guys usually use porn when they need to get off in a hurry or don't want to bother their spouses. Our sex drive is usually pretty high compared to yours and many guys look at it more than you think.
Thirdly, ask your husband what turns him on... stockings? Lingerie? Oral Sex? Candles? If you are too shy to ask him why not dabble on your own... surprise him one night with a new nightie. Be experimental yet be comfortable within your own boundaries and avoid getting into a rut.
Finally, don't let your fears get the best of you... many women have sabotaged their relationships and marriages by worrying that they aren't good enough. Keep an open dialog with your husband and things will work out in the long run.
Eddie
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 April 2013):
 what he looks at in porn is not you
i thought my husband wanted me to look like his favorite porn stars with long dark hair... nope he likes my hair shorter with highlights... go figure...
and since I gained a bit of weight in my belly he's much happier with me... I think I'm fat now and the doctor wants me to lose some weight but the hubby is happy happy happy...
the issue is your self-confidence... you have hubby up on a pedestal that he should not be on. He may have you on one too we don't know. It's great that you love your hubby so much and guess what I'm betting he loves you that much too!
ask him what he wants... I thought my husband was unhappy with our sex life... or me... he wasn't... but had I not asked him I would not have known this.
Most of the women I see who think there is a problem where they are not all their husband wants find out that they ARE what he loves and wants and he HATES that they think they are not enough....
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (19 April 2013):
Firstly OP what guys look at in porn has little to do with the woman they want to be with. Porn is just a sex stimulus. So stop looking for non existent reasons to feel bad about yourself.Now about being sexy in bed. Well for me the best turn on is a woman who knows what she wants and makes ot clear. Initiates sometimes. Actually dont wait till bedtime, surprise him in the kitchen with no panties on and take it from there, or in the car (not when hes driving though!).Best of all start to feel good about yourself. Get strict with yourself so lose the weight you want to - with a modified lifestyle so it stays (drinking water and eating apples helps a lot) then buy some new clothes, and the best thing about nice little boobs is you dont need to wear a bra, hard to get more sexy than that! Have fun!
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