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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is it right for an ex to buy you jewelry?
Q. Back once again about the obsessive ex. He texted me and said he has to see me tomorrow night (mothers day) because its important but says he won't be up until 9 at night my son is in bed by then. So I asked him why and he said he had to drop ...
A. 20 May 2013: yes you can get supervised visitation and child support.
contact an attorney in your area for further advice.... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't understand his ex-wife and her daughter are manipulating him
Q. hi,im 34 myparthners 52. we have 3 kids together. i love him but for some strange reason he thinks I don't love him but I love his money or etc. hes terribly wrong! he lived with his ex for 20 years.they have no kids together.we would have a har...
A. 17 May 2013: If you don't care about the money, then tell him to send them a weekly check via the bank, with the amount you can afford to spare the more the better. Then he's giving them what they want and they will leave him alone.
Problem solved. IF it's... (read in full...)
Relationship problems with my younger mate
Q. I'm 36 and he's 28 when we met and start dating everything was cool and going great. After we end up in a relationship later down the line, I was even more happy. Making a long story a little short, he now stay with me and my 14 year old son. He sm...
A. 17 May 2013: Maybe the other women walked out because he mistreats them the way he mistreats you?
My husband is not supposed to smoke in our house but he does. ON THE OTHER HAND, what's mine is his and what's his is mine... that means 100% of his paycheck... (read in full...)
I'm sick of his ex! Will she ever be out of the picture?
Q. hi all thank you for taking the time to read this. i have fallen in love with a man who is 25 yrs older than me and im having his baby. the problem is, is that his stupid ex wife will not get it through her head that i am with him now. i had to w...
A. 17 May 2013: OP, you having a baby does not mean he will be with you 100% forever. DO NOT base your belief that he's "all yours" on the baby in your belly. I grew two babies with my first husband, I never thought I'd get a divorce.... guess what, people ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of people judging us over the age difference
Q. Im 21 and my boyfriend is 62. I am falling in love with him. When we go out Im a little nervous about people staring or asking questions. How do I get over this? He is the most amazing man I have ever met. Hes so patient, kind, and understanding. He ...
A. 17 May 2013: OP no one is angry with you.
We really do want everyone here to be happy healthy and whole.
Sometimes with age and experience comes wisdom that we could not imagine ourselves at your age. I know it has for me. And every day I get older, I l... (read in full...)
We both like each other and want to go on a date but we are too busy to meet up, how do I act in this situation? Can I flirt with other guys or not?
Q. I confessed to liking him and he told me he likes me back. He has tried asking me out, but since we're both busy with exams at the moment, we haven't really decided on when. What is he expecting from me? Does he expect us to be dating now or a ...
A. 16 May 2013: It really doesn't matter what he EXPECTS from you.
You haven't even gone out on a date and you are already asking if you are "ALLOWED" to flirt with other guys?
DO NOT buy him food. If he pays for the movies, then you can pay for the meal... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about my wife's sudden interest in astrology?
Q. I recently saw my wifes Internet search history on her phone and she had visited a horoscope site and specifically looked up "how to seduce a Scorpio". Sounds innocent enough, except for the fact that I am a Cancer!! Been married 19 years. Should ...
A. 16 May 2013: who do you know born around thanksgiving?
seriously... after 20 years of being with this woman you are afraid to ask her what's up?
and like Tisha my Dear Cupid searches might make my hubby's head spin.... (read in full...)
Is what she told me about birth control pills for her true?
Q. Me and my fiance were talking about birth control one day and i asked her why doesn't she start taking the pill.She told me that she went to a doctor about it and they said that because of her size (she is close to 100lb over weight) that all it ...
A. 16 May 2013: I'm betting the doc was thinking mini-pill. She can and should get a second opinion I know lots of SMO (super morbidly obese ([a MEDICAL term not an insult]) that are on BCP for birth control.
It's MANDATORY after gastric bypass and some of ... (read in full...)
Thinking about moving in together so I wanted to go furniture shopping, he just tells me to go on my own so he can go out drinking! Is this what our life is going to be like?
Q. I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years. We have recently been talking about moving in together, but it has started causing problems between us because we have such different ideas about what it will be like. At the moment we have ...
A. 16 May 2013:
It seems to me that you guys have not worked out all the details about moving in together.
“I THOUGHT we would get to a more ‘couply’ place since we would be more committed.”
An address does not make you more committed. If you THOUG... (read in full...)
I'm sick of his ex! Will she ever be out of the picture?
Q. hi all thank you for taking the time to read this. i have fallen in love with a man who is 25 yrs older than me and im having his baby. the problem is, is that his stupid ex wife will not get it through her head that i am with him now. i had to w...
A. 16 May 2013: Let me go line by line young lady,
1. You say “his stupid ex-wife” Calling others names because you do not like their behavior is childish and immature and indicates that you do NOT feel secure in your standing.
2. Just because you had to wait ... (read in full...)
Do I have any right telling my boyfriend to stop talking with this girl that I feel uncomfortable with?
Q. Do I have any right telling my boyfriend to stop talking with this girl that I feel uncomfortable with? This girl has only known my boyfriend for about a week and she has been talking very openly about how much she likes sex and been telling him...
A. 16 May 2013: What does HE think about her behavior?
You can't forbid him from talking to her but you can express your concerns about her behavior.
The issue is NOT what SHE does but rather HOW your boyfriend REACTS and RESPONDS.
If a woman ... (read in full...)
Do you think I have any right to be angry? Or was I to blame for being naive?
Q. Well I was dating a guy for a month. It was a LDR and on the third date, I had to spend the night at his, due to distance. The date did not go too well, we had a bit of a falliing out but made up. In the night, he said he would prepare the spare ro...
A. 16 May 2013: with your follow up, your anger is still unjustified and yet you have the right to be angry at yourself! NOT at him.
I would have slept on the couch vs in his bed if I was so sure I did not want to send the wrong signals.
Talking i... (read in full...)
Will it be weird if I'm the only one wearing a long dress?
Q. Im going to graduation soon and i bought this white long dress to wear during graduation. It looks really nice to me but all of my friend says they are going to wear knee length dresses. I want to know what are your opinions and advices and should i ...
A. 16 May 2013: When I had graduations we had a dress code. NO LONG dresses was one of them. DO YOU HAVE A DRESS CODE TO FOLLOW???
IF not, and you are ok being picked on by folks, then by all means wear what you want.
BUT NOTE that at 13-15 part of feelin... (read in full...)
My boyfriend runs hot and cold.....is he a narcissist?
Q. Well my bf this notorious habit of being extra vigil about his phone and email and need lots of female attention too. He runs hot and cold and I am rarely sure what he is thinking now . I first thought its me and I have some jealousy issues....
A. 14 May 2013: I don't think he's a narcissist. I just think he's a bit immature and not ready to settle down.
Your gut says something is wrong and you are correct.
He is not to be trusted.
He is not to be believed.
I would end it with him, ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend suddenly needs space. Do I give him space? Or dump him?
Q. My boyfriend of 5 months suddenly says he needs to "reconnect" with his friends (aka drinking buddies) and plans to stay out every Friday night with them. He says I'm not invited "for now" - and besides I work at 7AM on Saturdays and he wants to s...
A. 14 May 2013: Gawd I would LOVE my husband to go out one night a week with friends....
I don't see where a man at 5 months into a relationship saying he wants to go out on a Friday night with his friends as requesting space. He still wants to see you the ... (read in full...)
His wife has moved back in with him and he cant divorce her, but he wants to continue seeing me. What should I do?
Q. Hi, how I’m going to start this. I read some of “my boyfriend has a wife” discussion and I’m in the same situation now. We start as a friend since then all of our friends knew that his separated to his wife. He has a kid, and that is the only thing ...
A. 14 May 2013: My aunt was the mistress of a man who would not leave his wife for 25 years. He died, she could not publicly mourn him.
she lives alone now in her 70s no children to care for or love her, parents gone, siblings and niece and nephew out of t... (read in full...)
Dating a girl for 2 weeks, saw some strange messages on her phone then her best friend calls me to tell me to walk away from her! What should I do?
Q. I have been online dating for about a year and I go on about 2 dates a week. I'm no Brad Pitt but i'm a good looking guy and have just qualified as a children's doctor. I met a girl (M) 2 weeks ago and we have been on some dates. She is cute ...
A. 14 May 2013: Dear Spiderman,
What should you do?
1. ALWAYS wear a latex condom do not rely on her to practice birth control
2. Watch her actions NOT her words.
You have known her a mere two weeks. THAT is NO TIME AT ALL and it means you don’t re... (read in full...)
My FWB is sick of me and called me a whore! Did I do anything wrong to deserve to be treated this way?
Q. Dear Cupid I am in on and off FWB with my best friend. I fell in love with him but he says he likes me but no love word. Long story short, he bacame very abusive (physically and emotionally) lately. I couldnt even hold a decent conversation ...
A. 14 May 2013: The only thing you did wrong was think that by sleeping with him he would care more about you than he does.
If he is physically and emotionally abusive why do you think that is acceptable behavior to heap on someone you care about? It’s NOT. H... (read in full...)
We were each others firsts....so why have we stopped having sex?
Q. Hi, I'm 16 year old boy, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for just over 5months, at the start of the relationship (first month or two) we had sex afew times, we were both eachothers firsts but as times gone on we have not had sex at ...
A. 14 May 2013: If you want to know what she is thinking or feeling then the best person to ask is your girlfriend.
... (read in full...)
Is it right for an ex to buy you jewelry?
Q. Back once again about the obsessive ex. He texted me and said he has to see me tomorrow night (mothers day) because its important but says he won't be up until 9 at night my son is in bed by then. So I asked him why and he said he had to drop ...
A. 14 May 2013: Dear Connorsmommyy,
You need to NOT be speaking to your ex about anything that is not related to your child. Telling him that you did not LIKE the earrings is NOT telling him his behavior is unacceptable and inappropriate.
Arguing w... (read in full...)
It seems even guys I like as friends only want to have sex with me!
Q. I was introduced to a bunch a guy friends by my guy friend. We went on night clubbing. I was introduced in the new group. One guy opted to drop me home. we began chatting ... he was willing to pick me up from home whenever I wanted to go partying ...
A. 14 May 2013: Letting a man into your home, letting him pick you up and take you partying, letting him touch you and spend all this time with you alone and letting him “guide you about what to wear” etc all in about a week is way too much too soon. Being alone ... (read in full...)
I am really mad at how he ended our relationship!
Q. Just realized that my boyfriend dumped me over Facebook! How immature and obnoxious is that? We are talking about a 28 year old guy here! We were on a break, and as everyone, I expected him to contact me in order to know if we would stay toget...
A. 14 May 2013:
I'm so very confused by this post. I think the immature one may be you OP. How in the world do you interpret his putting up a photo as a break-up?
If you are ON break with him, then clearly the relationship is in a bad place (breaks ar... (read in full...)
He has changed, what do I do?
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years is becoming very abusive lately, he is abusive only with me, with his friends and others he behaves very sweetly. He hasnt said a single nice thing to me in past few months. I tried not to evoke his anger in anyway,...
A. 14 May 2013: You don't love HIM. You love the OLD him. You love the past. YOU crave the past and want the old him back.
Where he is now is now who you love or want.
He promised to change and he did not.
I think you really must be strong and... (read in full...)
Texting relationships: good or bad?
Q. What are your opinions on a relationship that is 90% texting, phone calls maybe every other day or so and mostly booty calls. The guy is telling the woman he loves her, but he is telling his really close friends that "Hell No I Do Not Want To Spend ...
A. 14 May 2013: Well since it’s not your relationship, I’m not sure why you are concerned. You say as far as you know they might go out once in a while. So it’s not even a close friend then? What is so concerning to you about this relationship? Some ... (read in full...)
What are your views on no sex before marriage?
Q. I am Christian but nondenominational and I honestly can't decide whether I should wait till marriage and the most committed relationship possible to have sex or have fun, play the field and get experienced with boyfriends at college. I would love to ...
A. 14 May 2013: I’m in the sex before marriage is fine boat. I was raised during a very turbulent time sexually in our history and I have very comfortable feelings about sexuality.
Even my mother admitted to me that in the 1950s when she was engaged to my da... (read in full...)
Dealing with casually racist people?
Q. I go to a top British university where there are quite a lot of upper/middle-class white people from the South. Obviously, I don't have a problem with this. I'm half Asian, however, and because of this I don't look like I'm from any particular ...
A. 14 May 2013: I asked a friend about it after MsSadie's post...
and I am sensing that we all bring our own baggage and experience to the table with this. I can't see how my reply (based on my feelings, experiences and interpretation) is incorrect an... (read in full...)
Am I too feminine to be a good boyfriend?
Q. since I have been really young, I've identified much better with females. My closest friends even in elementary school were all girls. I was hanging out with girls and enjoying their company at the same time most other boys were in the "cooties" ...
A. 13 May 2013: My husband does not play or watch sports (I watch football) He does not go to bars (he drinks at home) he does not go fishing, or hunting. He does not do handyman stuff either. But he does go for mani/pedis with me… and he waxes his eyebrows… ... (read in full...)
There were five condoms in the drawer and now there are none!
Q. Hello my question is my baby father had like 5 condoms for one we don't use them I check his draw beside every time and seen he had them now its empty my suggest to any women what would you but he doesn't know that I even know about. I've worried ...
A. 13 May 2013: Yes but to the last poster... wouldn't it just be easier to say "honey these condoms are expired I'm throwing them out" and then do it?
... (read in full...)
Is it right for an ex to buy you jewelry?
Q. Back once again about the obsessive ex. He texted me and said he has to see me tomorrow night (mothers day) because its important but says he won't be up until 9 at night my son is in bed by then. So I asked him why and he said he had to drop ...
A. 13 May 2013: he got your diamond earrings? RETURN THEM.... in fact, have your FATHER return them to him... totally inappropriate.
... (read in full...)
I think we can work our problems out, but he's ready to break up
Q. I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend the other night. We've been together for 3 years now and have had problems within those years, some of which have not successfully been solved. I was away for 6 months going to school, and the last two ...
A. 13 May 2013: If he wants time and space you must give him time and space.
If you push him he will definitely not be receptive to coming back.
The problem is BOTH people have to WANT to make it work for them. IF he does not have any fight in him left fo... (read in full...)
I'm ready for a baby now but my fiance wants to wait a few years
Q. I am having a bad case of baby fever, I'm afraid. I've always loved kids and adored the thought of having my own. I work at a daycare, and I am responsible for 4 infants on my own. I love it. It's difficult at times, especially when they're all ...
A. 13 May 2013: the first thing I'm going to say is that at 7 weeks the fetus DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A BABY and is about half an inch long and looks more like a mass of cells still.
In fact at ten weeks the fetus is a mere 1.2 inches long and is just starting... (read in full...)
I love him but we're not on the same page about marriage and kids
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for five years now and I love him very much. But we started on the topic of the future and he dropped the bombshell that although he wants to same things as I do, he wants them on a completely different time scale to ...
A. 13 May 2013: If he won't compromise and you want marriage and kids before 30 and you won' compromise then you have to leave him.
The ONLY way to make relationships with two people with differing ideas work is for folks to compromise.
If you want marri... (read in full...)
Is it too soon in our relationship to consider starting a family?
Q. Boyfriend and I are together 8 months. I'm on the patch so this may be a silly question! I finished my period last week and had sex with the boyfriend and now my breasts are very very sore, all over and nipples and a bit veiny. I also felt dizzy and ...
A. 13 May 2013: does not matter what HE wants... what do YOU want.
8 months is not enough time to know someone fully.
I can't see here in the states a man having a motility test just because, that's always reserved for married couples who have been trying... (read in full...)
There were five condoms in the drawer and now there are none!
Q. Hello my question is my baby father had like 5 condoms for one we don't use them I check his draw beside every time and seen he had them now its empty my suggest to any women what would you but he doesn't know that I even know about. I've worried ...
A. 13 May 2013: You clearly don't trust him.
you need to ask him, the problem is if you already don't trust him, will you believe him?
and how will you let him know you've been checking up on him?
... (read in full...)
Dealing with casually racist people?
Q. I go to a top British university where there are quite a lot of upper/middle-class white people from the South. Obviously, I don't have a problem with this. I'm half Asian, however, and because of this I don't look like I'm from any particular ...
A. 13 May 2013: I'm wondering if you are overly sensitive to this as what you are describing to me does not sound racist.
In fact, the one who sounds racist is you. You define them as "usually southern and affluent" and defend this as NOT trying to generali... (read in full...)
Can I breakup with my boyfriend a week before his birthday?
Q. I met my boyfriend on holiday almost 1 year ago. He lives about 300 miles form me so we only really see each other for a weekend once a month. He comes to see me mostly and I have went to his twice (he is 20 and I am 18). We have spoken every day ...
A. 13 May 2013: Break up now... don't drag it out.
and yes he will be upset and feel blindsided and hurt and he may cry and beg... just tell him the truth... that you care about him but not the way he wants/needs you to.
and that you are sorry to hurt hi... (read in full...)
We are arguing all the time and I want to leave but I'm afraid....
Q. I've been in a relationship for almost two years. There's always been a lot of fighting but it was always my fault. I cheated once and I called an ex boyfriend for comfort when my boyfriend found out. Lately the arguing hasn't been my fault. My ...
A. 13 May 2013: well I have to admit, crying hysterically and scratching at your skin, in my house honey that would land you in the psych ward as self harming.
Where are your parents? This is what parents and brothers are for honey, you call them and tell the... (read in full...)
Texting relationships: good or bad?
Q. What are your opinions on a relationship that is 90% texting, phone calls maybe every other day or so and mostly booty calls. The guy is telling the woman he loves her, but he is telling his really close friends that "Hell No I Do Not Want To Spend ...
A. 13 May 2013: It's NOT My relationship ideal.
I want a man I can call, email and spend time with not in the sack. I want to go to movies, and out to dinner and watch tv on the couch.
I don't care if a man SAYS he loves me as long as I FEEL loved... ... (read in full...)
What's a good way to make friends?
Q. Hey everyone. This may sound silly but what's a good way to make some friends? I'm only 18 and I've never really had many friends. Some of the friends I did have are no longer my friends. I go to a community college and nobody seems to really talk ...
A. 13 May 2013: Well in real life I strongly recommend GAMING... board games.. not online games... but BOARD games where you sit down and you play face to face with folks.
I Met my husband playing board games.
http://www.boardgamers.org/ is the link to our ... (read in full...)
My baby daddy has a new girlfriend but wont let me live my own life!
Q. I have kids with a guy. And he has a new girlfriend but he still sends me flowers. And cards, still texts me he misses me. And I have started dating someone new. I have told my boyfriend and he is mad. I can't stop talking to him or cut him out of ...
A. 13 May 2013: If he is the father of your children you may have to speak to him...
my advice, when he calls to speak to the children, let him,
when he is done and he asks to speak to you get on the phone and say "hello" and then when he starts talkin... (read in full...)
He wont tell his married ex about me.....
Q. Hello that's my first time to ask online but I'm really upset and stressed. My story is long and will try to make It short. I'm in a long distance relation. He was my friend before becoming my bf but there was too much chemistry between us he was i...
A. 13 May 2013: She loves him and he loves her. And he kept it from you because he knows he's doing wrong.
you are long distance. how far apart are you? how often do you see each other? what's the plan to close the distance?
You told him (wisely) that h... (read in full...)
Do you stay out of the financial decisions your fiance makes with his children from another marriage?
Q. We live together. My fiance has two adult children from his first marriage. His son has a nice job and a new girlfriend. His son moved out of his apartment with his last girlfriend...he broke it off with her. His son is now moving into an ...
A. 13 May 2013: IF it's NOT your money and his spending his money on his children does not impact on the running of your home or his meeting his bill obligations with you, then it's not your say.
The issue is you call him your fiance... so once you marry will y... (read in full...)
Is it right for an ex to buy you jewelry?
Q. Back once again about the obsessive ex. He texted me and said he has to see me tomorrow night (mothers day) because its important but says he won't be up until 9 at night my son is in bed by then. So I asked him why and he said he had to drop ...
A. 13 May 2013: Let him take you to court for custody. What a childish blackmailing thing to say. He can’t afford Support but he can afford to sue for custody. I call BS he’s trying to scare you.
I would go to a lawyer and get court ordered child support ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of people judging us over the age difference
Q. Im 21 and my boyfriend is 62. I am falling in love with him. When we go out Im a little nervous about people staring or asking questions. How do I get over this? He is the most amazing man I have ever met. Hes so patient, kind, and understanding. He ...
A. 9 May 2013: OP, he is 62 with children that are young for his age. I assume their mother is also YOUNGER than he is by a bit…. In which case, carry on as happy as you can be but look closely at why his last relationship ended…. Does he TARGET younger women? ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of people judging us over the age difference
Q. Im 21 and my boyfriend is 62. I am falling in love with him. When we go out Im a little nervous about people staring or asking questions. How do I get over this? He is the most amazing man I have ever met. Hes so patient, kind, and understanding. He ...
A. 7 May 2013: The one thing you have to have when in an age gap relationship is a thick skin. Folks will stare. They will point, and talk… and wonder. If it bothers you, then you are not built for an age gap relationship. Truthfully even with the man being ... (read in full...)
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