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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Boyfriend quit his job, I'm the only one working. He's angry because I bought something for myself!
Q. My boyfriend quit his job because he hated it so much. We are in week 7 of him not having a job and I don't feel that he is really making much of an effort to look for one. I am paying his mortgage (my name is not on the house) and the food for the ...
A. 31 May 2013: OK I read the OP's boyfriend's anonymous post.
I like what Cerberus wrote and I stand behind my original statement.
1. quitting your job with out a new job to go to is foolish
2. OP seems to have impulse spending issues.
and what yo... (read in full...)
Suspicious email to husband--he denies he's signed up. Can I believe him?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a problem. I just got married. I h ave been with my man for a long time. I was looking through his emails and came acroos a email from XXXXbook [mod note: actual site name removed, it is not facebook]. I wouldve just deleted ...
A. 31 May 2013: OP for what it's worth my husband and I believe in total honesty and openness in our marriage.
He can look at my email any time he wants
I can look at his
phones are NOT password protected and accessible either of us at any time.
We have... (read in full...)
Boyfriend quit his job, I'm the only one working. He's angry because I bought something for myself!
Q. My boyfriend quit his job because he hated it so much. We are in week 7 of him not having a job and I don't feel that he is really making much of an effort to look for one. I am paying his mortgage (my name is not on the house) and the food for the ...
A. 31 May 2013: Quitting a job because you do not like it is something 16 yr teenagers do. Grown men with responsibilities work a job they hate till they find one they can at least tolerate.
I assume if you quit you do not get unemployment insurance. ... (read in full...)
How to cope with moving in with a SO.
Q. Dear aunts and uncles, I made the grave mistake of moving in with my boyfriend. In my defence, he seemed like a solid, responsible guy, and he is! He currently carries most of our financial burden. Since he is working, and I am looking for a job so...
A. 31 May 2013: OP if you are home all day then I can see you have more time to do more things but he needs to be responsible for the things he does not want you to do.
Let me tell you how it rolls in our house:
when I met my husband he was living along a l... (read in full...)
I want this older man but his wife is fighting tooth and nail to keep him!
Q. hi i just want to know what you all think i should do about this situation. im 23 and i met a guy at work, we have been talking alot, and he watches me when i work, i work in the office on the second floor and he works at the desk on the first floor ...
A. 31 May 2013: OP in a few years when you have a toddler running around and are maybe pregnant with another and you don't feel up to sex what will you do if he looks somewhere else because you are not taking care of your man?... (read in full...)
Why is my brother so LAZY?!?!
Q. So, like my previous posts, this is again about my brother. My brother has Asperger's syndrome. I've learned to accept that he is and probably forever will be socially awkward. But I can't come to accept how lazy he is. As the older sister, you ...
A. 31 May 2013: Sadly there is not much you can do but your parents are wrong.
I have a child who has PDD-NOS and ADHD and other issues. He still can manage to bathe, and clean his apartment (he is now in a group home and shares with others) and he knows ho... (read in full...)
What is my fathers problem? And why does my mum put up with him?
Q. What is my fathers problem? And why does my mum puts up with him? My dad gets on my nerves!! Since I can remember he's always been such an @sshole. He treats my mum like ****. She pays the bills and everything in our house whiles my dad sits ...
A. 30 May 2013: you really as a child have no clue about your parents marriage or why mom stays.
I will tell you we do not pick who we love.. it happens... we can choose not to be with those we love but many do not do that.
I love my husband but he's an idio... (read in full...)
I want this older man but his wife is fighting tooth and nail to keep him!
Q. hi i just want to know what you all think i should do about this situation. im 23 and i met a guy at work, we have been talking alot, and he watches me when i work, i work in the office on the second floor and he works at the desk on the first floor ...
A. 30 May 2013: you figure you have 20 years with him... for him to live or for him to be healthy happy and whole?
SHE filed the divorce? He is willing to give her whatever she wants?
If she so desires you will be named as a respondent in their divo... (read in full...)
How do you know if attraction is mutual?
Q. Is mutual attraction usually mutual? I have been in a situation where I have always wondered if this particular man was ever attracted to me. Has anyone been in this situation and what are the signs the attraction is mutual, not imagined? Thanks...
A. 30 May 2013: MUTUAL attraction is always MUTUAL that's why they call it MUTUAL attraction.
IF you are attracted and the other person is not, it's called a crush....
How do you know if he is attracted to you?
I find unless you are 15 or very immat... (read in full...)
Was it a one night stand or does he have other plans?
Q. So I went home to my sister's wedding and I met this guy, he is Danish, anyway, we end up getting so drunk and we spent all the wedding day together, to make things short I went back to his hotel room and we had sex. I was actually the one that ...
A. 30 May 2013: RELAX is KEY agreed.
As for why he called
he asked for your number
you say you "coaxed him" to the activity and he was not comfortable so ONS are probably not in his activity...
I would enjoy the date this weekend and expect nothi... (read in full...)
My remarks were intended to build her up but she's told me they were inappropriate
Q. I'll try to make this fairly quick. I've always been the kind of guy who's really tactful and good with words. I've always prided myself on knowing what to say and having good social skills. But lately, my girlfriend has been making me feel pretty ...
A. 30 May 2013: I don't think you did anything wrong but i know how you feel.. my husband feels the same way when I whine about losing weight...
you say she's TRASHING her body... if she's NOT being healthy in her exercise or food intake THAT should be ad... (read in full...)
I have reached the end of my patience with my boyfriend, but I'm too much of a pushover to let him go. Help?
Q. Okay. Well where do I start? I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 5 months. I'm not going to go majorly into the backstory about how we got together, but before hand I had been in a 9 month relation...
A. 30 May 2013: I read your whole submission and it boils down to this
he's a user
you want out but are too afraid to leave for various reasons
when you try to leave he manipulates you into staying with him.
IF you are not ready to break up with him a... (read in full...)
Tissue problem when giving oral!
Q. I love pleasing my wife orally. However, there's often some tissue remnants. just small bits which is really off putting. Blokes, is this common? How do you deal with it in the moment? Ladies, how can I broach this with her?...
A. 30 May 2013: offer to shower with her before sexual activity and help her wash....
... (read in full...)
Suspicious email to husband--he denies he's signed up. Can I believe him?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a problem. I just got married. I h ave been with my man for a long time. I was looking through his emails and came acroos a email from XXXXbook [mod note: actual site name removed, it is not facebook]. I wouldve just deleted ...
A. 30 May 2013: He got a welcome email with his username and password (and it's a password he uses regularly)
He said it's spam and you ask if this is possible...
I'm a Computer Security Specialist... there is NOT a shot in HELL it's spam or random.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend only wants to have sex when she is drunk
Q. My girlfriend of 5 years only wants to have sex when she is drunk, also she always want me to come fast and don't touch her again till next time. I been working a lot on fore play, getting down on her, learning about what makes her feel better, ...
A. 30 May 2013: Have you asked HER about it? Ask her why she only wants you when she's drunk? If after 5 years you can't talk to her about your sex life, then parting ways may be the only option.
Her inability to orgasm is not a failure on your part and prob... (read in full...)
I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get her back but I don't know where to start! Help?
Q. okay , it is been along time now but i'm back ...and i have a question ..i really need help with it because i have no idea what to do . if you hurt your friend how many time do you say i'm sorry and what do you do when she just doesn't want to ...
A. 30 May 2013: I do not think that what the OP did is the issue.
this former friend does not want contact and no matter what she has to respect that... by trying to push her will on this person she shows a lack of respect for the "friend"'s feeling and wants. ... (read in full...)
Can a man who lies to me about everything be a keeper? Should I carry on with him or what?
Q. Dear cupid.It was a LDR but we are livin together now in Gauteng,6months now but we've been in this for 4 years nw. My problem is that-I visited him so many times at his province of residence,he introduced me to his family BUT he lied abt his mom ...
A. 29 May 2013: you will never trust him. I was married to a liar like this... they are incapable of the truth about anything and there is no way to trust them.
being pregnant does not change that you will never trust him... you even came here to ask stranger... (read in full...)
Can a no strings attached relationship ever turn into a real relationship?
Q. hi there im back out on the dating scene again yeeaah well anyways i kinda want nsa's fun and no relationship however that seem to be somewhat hard as now the three guys im sleeping with want to have a realtionship yes all three bu...
A. 29 May 2013: when you don't know what to do do nothing...
as for an NSA turning into a real relationship... mine did but we had very extenuating circumstances. I was NOT available to him for a Long term permanent partner when we started and I was not in... (read in full...)
It feels like I'm living in a version of Harold & Maude!
Q. This is an update on http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-16-year-old-son-is-in-love.html I should mention, this woman is a counsellor for people with gambling addictions - adults, that is, not a school counsellor and she's also extremely wealth...
A. 29 May 2013: I would try reverse psychology if I were you. Because clearly not approving of this is not working.
Here in the states she would be arrested and all over the news for statutory rape. Since they can legally have relations, there is not much ... (read in full...)
My husband always looks at other women and tells me that's normal. I can't bear it! Help?
Q. whenever i am out with my husband, he always look at other womens which i can't bear. its hurting me always. due to which i don't talk to my husband 2-3 days. but still he does the same. i spoke to him about this. he says it's normal. but i can't ...
A. 29 May 2013: he he looking casually or is he staring and being an idiot about it?
just looking is normal. My husband looks and if I see a pretty thing I'll point her out to him so he can have his eye candy....
but when he gets stupid about it (looks too ... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable for your fiance to demand that you never speak to any exes?
Q. My fiance and I recently got engaged, mostly due to the fact that I got pregnant. We were having some problems but when we found out, we decided to work on it. It hasn't been easy but things are slowly improving and we're both excited about the ...
A. 29 May 2013: I talk to my ex husband all the time. I've even had lunch with him. I just make sure my current husband knows about it BEFORE it happens.
I think that you wanting to explain it is fine.
so go to him and explain it to him and if he reac... (read in full...)
Is cyber sex considered cheating?
Q. Hi all, Just a question I would like to ask other users here. If you are in a loving, committed relationship with your soul mate whom you love dearly but find out they have meaningless cybersex (without masturbating) would you consider it chea...
A. 29 May 2013: Seriously if he cannot understand why you don't trust him after his bad behavior you have a bigger problem then him having cyber sex with a stranger.... (read in full...)
I'm torn between 2 boys. One is an ex!
Q. Im torn between these two boys "A" is a ex who I've always had an amazing connection with we were together for a bit last October after we admitted feelings for echother finally i kinda used to put him in the friend zone beacause the thought of us ...
A. 29 May 2013: An ex is an ex for a reason...
if you can't decide between two then you pick neither and are just friends with them as you are not ready to be in a committed relationship.
WHEN you meet someone who you care enough about, no one else w... (read in full...)
Is cyber sex considered cheating?
Q. Hi all, Just a question I would like to ask other users here. If you are in a loving, committed relationship with your soul mate whom you love dearly but find out they have meaningless cybersex (without masturbating) would you consider it chea...
A. 29 May 2013: Cheating is defined by the couple. IF your rules say that any sexual activity with others is cheating, then it's cheating.
In our house the cheating rule is:
ANYTHING you can't won't or don't tell your partner is cheating.
... (read in full...)
If you attended a rather large school and some person identified you and complimented you. Would you reply back? Would you feel creeped out?
Q. Hello agony aunts and uncles! All advice is welcome. The sooner the better, as the problem is quite simple. I am on a dating site, and this guy from the university happens to be on there as well. Once I found this out, I went through stages ...
A. 29 May 2013: If you were to contact him out of the blue like that it would be creepy... the fact that you are both on a dating site and that's how you contacted him makes it just fine IMO
IF he's interested he will get back to you.... (read in full...)
Do girls share everything with their friends?
Q. I like this girl lets call her a. So in school a also responded me well.it was well obvious we both liked each other. We chat on facebook. And now i came 2 know.. Whenevr i used to chat with her,she used to share that with other freinds. Does gir...
A. 29 May 2013: some girls will talk some girls will not.
it will depend on the girl.
... (read in full...)
Ex sent a facebook request, is there a hidden agenda or is he trying to make me more miserable?
Q. Dear Cupid My ex-bf broke up with me a month ago. As soon as dumped me he blocked me in facebook, messager, phone..... He was verbally and emotionally very abusive towards the end of the relationship i.e. for past 6 months. He called me wors...
A. 28 May 2013: it does not matter why he's doing it... worrying about someone's agenda is a waste of your energy.
If he owes you enough, take him to small claims court for the money... otherwise, kiss that money goodbye and call it payment for a lesson l... (read in full...)
Is marriage a deal breaker?
Q. I've been with my partner for 3 1/2 yrs now and we still don't live together because of both our situations. He going through a divorce and almost at the end and me because 'im not working. I love him very much and he loves me too, i would really l...
A. 28 May 2013: So you want to get married and not live together?
or are you saying get married and then live together?
are you saying you want to get engaged to a man who is not yet free of his soon to be ex-wife? you said he is going through a divorce.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is attending a wedding, his ex will be there and it's also my birthday. How should I read his request that I not attend the wedding?
Q. Hi, I am confused about what to do and how to feel... My boyfriend will attend the wedding of a high school classmate. They are not close friends. They haven't seen each other for 2 years. He invited him to his wedding 3 weeks before the weddi...
A. 28 May 2013: well he's my take on it
inviting someone 3 weeks before the wedding is a bit odd but maybe he's B list for the groom and a spot opened up... I would still want to KNOW why he was NOT invited in the first go round and is now invited.
... (read in full...)
Why does he keep trying to communicate with me?
Q. my boyfriend broke up with me 3mths ago. I get to find out he had another woman beside me, and when it became public cause he and I works the same place and the lady comes to him and will be in his vehicle. That's when I realize that our ...
A. 28 May 2013: he keeps trying because you keep letting him.
ANY contact you give him after he contacts you feeds him.
Personally I would delete and block his phone number, his email and his social media.
When you see him at work ONLY speak if it's ... (read in full...)
I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get her back but I don't know where to start! Help?
Q. okay , it is been along time now but i'm back ...and i have a question ..i really need help with it because i have no idea what to do . if you hurt your friend how many time do you say i'm sorry and what do you do when she just doesn't want to ...
A. 28 May 2013: you have apologized.
she's made it clear that she is not interested in accepting the apology or forgiving you or renewing the friendship.
YOU can't do anything else other that leave her alone.
If what you did was so bad that she can'... (read in full...)
What does he mean by "ok cool"?
Q. Need some advice have this Guy friend I got my eyes on:)) but confused Idk if he likes me likes me.but we always hangout,play fight,cuddle, ect. okay so I really really like my Guy bestfriend alot so one day I just decided to tell him because ...
A. 28 May 2013: it's an acknowledgement of a statement you made nothing more.
He does not feel about you the way you feel about him.
... (read in full...)
How long do I give him this 'break' for? Should I get in touch to clarify this?
Q. I am really confused - my fiance had been blowing hot and cold since February this year basically since I lost my job and things were financially hard for us. We got engaged on New Year's Eve and I thought it was a new beginning for us - we have...
A. 28 May 2013: I’m sorry but “a break” is never good. TO me, “taking a break” is the first step towards permanent breaking up.
He’s right you are settling. I’d agree with him there. He’s to wishy washy to make a commitment to you.
He used a fam... (read in full...)
He asked me for a FWB relationship and I don't know how to proceed from here
Q. I have a guy friend, let's call him A, whom I've known for around an year. He's nice, funny, very intelligent, respectful - basically, he's a nice catch. A month ago I started hanging out with him and a bunch of friends, all male - I'm the only f...
A. 28 May 2013: he will never regret free and easy sex with someone he likes...
if you give him sex you will care more and more and he will never care about you the way you want.
FWB only works if BOTH people don't care about the other one loving them...... (read in full...)
My boyfriend originally thought I would be his one night stand! This bothers me!
Q. My boyfriend and I had a very wierd start to our relationship,he thought I would be his one night stand but we never had sex,we eventually started hanging out more and became exclusive! I never met him with an intention of sleeping but he did and ...
A. 28 May 2013: my husband and I started as NSA/FWB never had any intentions of being more than fun and games for each other. He's often said to me that the fact that I did not want anything more than fun and games freed him up to let his feelings for me grow. We ... (read in full...)
LDR but he is not opening his world to me. I am scared to be used. Help!
Q. I'm back again after obsessing about my LDR. And more questions to ask. The relationship is going rather well, we talk everyday, our phone conversations are great. I have visited him four times now and had an ok time. He is supposed to visit me here ...
A. 28 May 2013: You should be uneasy. Red flags abound.
If you have been to visit him and he won’t make the effort to visit you, that’s concerning. I admit my husband and I had an uneven LDR the first year or so but that was logistics and it was easier f... (read in full...)
I'm married so why am I seeking validation from other men?
Q. I'm a married woman in my twenties who still seeks validation from every man I see or meet. Meaning, I want them to find me attractive. What does that mean? Am I screwed up in the head, or are a lot of women like this? How do you get past something ...
A. 28 May 2013: I'm 53, no daddy issues, and god help me when a man (not my husband) compliments me on my looks I love it...
... (read in full...)
I thought I was gay but now I'm confused!
Q. Hi:) i'm 16 and I'm extremely unsure about my sexuality. Ive been certain since I was 13 that I was 110% gay. But recently I've been questioning it. I've never had a full on crush on a guy before and I have these weird dreams that indicate that I am ...
A. 28 May 2013: It sucks to be bi. I know. I am. Never put a name on it till I was in my early 30s... till then I just had fun. My brother is gay as is my aunt and both of them give me grief for not "committing" and can't understand that I do NOT consider ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to be a serial lunch dater?
Q. I view lunch dates as a fun way to meet new people, as well as a diplomatic alternative to me saying NO DATES FOR YOU. But recently a friend told me: You shouldn't go on dates with men who you aren't attracted to... that is the equivalent of le...
A. 28 May 2013: IF you are meeting a friend for lunch and are paying your own way and make it clear it's LUNCH and it's FRIENDS only I see no issue with it.
The question is, how are you leading them on so much that on date 4 they are expecting sex? IF you are ... (read in full...)
Should I have phone sex when I don't think we'll ever meet?
Q. I met a guy online who appears to like me, but only wants to have phone sex with me and although we live in different states, I don't think we'll ever meet. What are the chances of our ever getting together?...
A. 28 May 2013: What are the chances of a guy who wants phone sex who you have never met, who lives in a different state getting together with you..
slim and none.... (read in full...)
I want this older man but his wife is fighting tooth and nail to keep him!
Q. hi i just want to know what you all think i should do about this situation. im 23 and i met a guy at work, we have been talking alot, and he watches me when i work, i work in the office on the second floor and he works at the desk on the first floor ...
A. 28 May 2013: If all you want to know is what I think you should do in a situation where a man is married and you want him, then the answer is simple… you do not take what is not yours. Once he leaves his wife for himself, then you can go after him if you wish. ... (read in full...)
Am I dating someone too young for me?
Q. I'm a 26 year old mature student and I recently began seeing another student who is 18 about to turn 19, it took me a while to go on a date with this guy cause of the age difference but we get on really well, however I am still really worried about ...
A. 28 May 2013: Let me put this in perspective for you…
When I was 26 my husband was turning 13.
If you are happy and enjoy the guy you are dating, and he is happy and you are both over 18 I don’t see a problem. The issue may come later on down the roa... (read in full...)
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