A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for five years now and I love him very much. But we started on the topic of the future and he dropped the bombshell that although he wants to same things as I do, he wants them on a completely different time scale to me. That is, he wants marriage and kids in his mid thirties whereas I want them before I'm thirty. And he says he's worried when he is mid thirties he still might not want it then. I love him so much and cannot imagine being without him. But this hurts so so much I don't know what the solution is. And he's not willing to compromise. Please help me :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 If he won't compromise and you want marriage and kids before 30 and you won' compromise then you have to leave him.
The ONLY way to make relationships with two people with differing ideas work is for folks to compromise.
If you want marriage and kids before 30 and he wants them at mid 30s maybe a compromise is marriage by 30 and wait for kids.
because compromise to me means both folks give a little.
him marrying and having kids on YOUR time table is not YOU giving in at all....
And while you may be 5-8 years from this worry, I think that waiting to see if things change is not wise. because once you get closer to 30 and your time frame, if you have stayed with him hoping he would change and he does not, you will become angry and resentful and it will also not give you enough time to heal and start looking for someone who will meet your time frames.....
A
male
reader, adaminio  +, writes (13 May 2013):
Do you want kids? Or do you want kids with this chap? When I was in a long term relationship my partner wanted kids, and our own house. Unfortunately I didn't feel i could financially give her what she deserved, also I couldn't raise a kid as I would of wanted. So maybe he wants to give you the best? . With mine she got tired of waiting and went with a new guy , only lasted a year. Now she gets in contact with me.. only thing is I don't see her as I did before quite pants
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): You either accept you're not going to be settled with him for another 10+ years or you move on. They're the only options available to you when the time comes.
His life plan and yours are completely different. There's nothing you can do to change his mind just as much as there's probably no way ha can change yours.
OP for now don't worry about it. It's another 5 years minimum before any of this becomes an actual problem, a lot can happen in 5 years.
Really one of the most futile things in a relationship is worry about the distant future. You have no idea where life will take you or what will happen. This is not a problem right now, so wait until the time comes to deal with it. Seriously it's a long time away from being an issue and you may not even be together when it is.
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