A
female
age
30-35,
*onnorsmommyy
writes:Back once again about the obsessive ex. He texted me and said he has to see me tomorrow night (mothers day) because its important but says he won't be up until 9 at night my son is in bed by then. So I asked him why and he said he had to drop something off and that its from him and my son. A friend of mine saw him buying jewelry saying it was for his sons mother. Do you guys think it is appropriate for my ex to buy me jewelry?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 May 2013):
 yes you can get supervised visitation and child support.
contact an attorney in your area for further advice.
A
female
reader, connorsmommyy +, writes (20 May 2013):
connorsmommyy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell new update. We asked him to return the earrings he refused so my step mom suggested I return them and put the money in an account for my son since he refuses to give me anything for him. The other day he texted me and said he was at peace about us not being together and all that. But then hr texted me yesterday and said he wants to know if were ever getting back together and that if not is it only until our son gets older. And now he keeps telling me he wants to call every night to say goodnight to our son. He's 6 months old and in bed by 8 or 9 he called at 10 and left a few messages and a bunch of texts saying he wants to raise our son with love. I don't think we need to be together to do that. I was wondering how to go about getting supervised visits for him and child support. I refuse to go to his house with our son because he has weapons under his bed and not that he would use them but the way he acts when he gets mad anything can happen. So he gets mad when I won't go to his house alone and make him come to mine. Sorry if I'm ranting and dragging this out.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 May 2013):
 Stop talking to him, whatever he has to say is unimportant. By responding to his stupidity you are only giving him reasons to keep talking to you. Don't waste your breath on him any longer. USe your energy for the more important things in life, such as seeking help to put some formal access and child support arrangments in place.
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A
female
reader, connorsmommyy +, writes (14 May 2013):
connorsmommyy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are so right. I've been doing what you said and ignoring his constant messages except when he asks about our son which is hardly ever. He said he has off Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and wants to know when he can see me and our son. I told him he is visiting his son not me and that he can see him Thursday and returned back to ignoring his messages again since they were about other things. Thanks for your advice.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 May 2013):
Dear Connorsmommyy,
You need to NOT be speaking to your ex about anything that is not related to your child. Telling him that you did not LIKE the earrings is NOT telling him his behavior is unacceptable and inappropriate.
Arguing with him about it at all just feeds his fire. You need to IGNORE him except for issues related to child care, child support or visitation.
Why do you care if he thinks you ungrateful when he’s inappropriate? Ask yourself WHY it matters to you what he thinks?
IF you really want your relationship with him to be OVER (except for your child) then you have to behave that way as well.
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A
female
reader, connorsmommyy +, writes (14 May 2013):
connorsmommyy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes diamond earrings when he hasn't got me anything since the first year we were together. Yes my father is very supportive. I told my ex I did not like the earrings and now he's trying to justify buying them by saying how they are my sons birth stone and they should mean something and I should be thankful for them. I told him that yes he may have bought them but they were a mother's day gift so therefore I should thank my son. Now he says how ungrateful I am. I feel I am being plenty reasonable with him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (13 May 2013):
Is your father being supportive to you? If he is put the earrings and his letter in a bag and ask your father to let youe ex know they are available for pickup.
Go get the restraining order anyway, and while you are at it make arrangements for court ordered supervised access - away from your home, ie meet at your nearest macdonalds for an hour or so.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 May 2013):
he got your diamond earrings? RETURN THEM.... in fact, have your FATHER return them to him... totally inappropriate.
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A
female
reader, connorsmommyy +, writes (13 May 2013):
connorsmommyy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. Figured I'd provide a new update. My ex dropped the present off late last night even though he was told to wait and now keeps texting my father saying how hurt he is I haven't thanked him for the present. Now if it was for mothers day it should have been from my son so he is who i thanked but now my ex is taking all credit for it and acting like my son has no part in it. He included with the diamond earrings a long letter saying he wants me back he can't move on without me. I feel like I'm whining about all of this but I feel after 6 months he should have moved on but he isn't. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 May 2013):
Let him take you to court for custody. What a childish blackmailing thing to say. He can’t afford Support but he can afford to sue for custody. I call BS he’s trying to scare you.
I would go to a lawyer and get court ordered child support (and visitation as I sense he will use your child as a pawn to get to you)
If it's from your son, that's fine, it's NOT appropriate for HIM to be giving you something from HIM and your son. He has NO say in your life any more, he's your ex.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (13 May 2013):
Tell that arsehat to go for his life, taking you to court for refusing his cheap and tawdry attempt at getting back into your knickers (and life).
Tell him if he persists in his attempts to come and visit you at night, after you have told him he is not welcome, you will be contacting your local police station and reporting him, with the end result being a restraining order.
Get yourself some backup, join a womans group, get online and research what is available for you, he is ABUSING you, he is threatening you. You do NOT have to accept his bad behaviour. I understand that right now you do not have the tools (strength) to deal with him on your own, so contact a women's group, or a refuge, find a group who fits you, there is strength in numbers.
Sending you lots of strong, positive thoughts!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 May 2013):
 No... it's NOT (appropriate).
Don't you see this for what it really IS????? It's an attempt, by him, to keep YOU "on the hook".... so that - as he imagines things - he keeps you from severing him from your life, entirely,... in the hopes that, sometime in the future, you will weaken and will put out for him. The jewelry is a modest price to pay for your soul.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, connorsmommyy +, writes (12 May 2013):
connorsmommyy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI asked him to come another day and he refuses. He found out that I've been hanging out lately with one of my guy friends that I've know since I was little so he assumes we are dating I've tried to set him straight about it but he won't listen. When we were dating he never bought me anything for any holiday or my birthday but now he wants to. I know I am his sons mother but he keeps insisting it is from him and my son. He can barely afford his apartment or bills now he says when he begs me not to take him for support because he has not provided anything for his son since he was born. He says I have to take the present or he's taking me to court for custody. He's very upset I left him since he cheated. What do I do?
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A
female
reader, angel91  +, writes (12 May 2013):
in regards to a mothers day gift, I don't see why not. However, if it's meant to be from your son why would he want to come so late? Wouldn't he want your son to give it to you?
Is he wanting to get back with you? To me it seems that he perhaps wants something more than to drop off the gift. Why not tell him to come earlier during the day, or the next morning when your son is awake?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (12 May 2013):
Tell him if he has arranged a mother's day gift for your son to give you, the most appropriate thing to do would be to come when your son is awake, give whatever it is to your son, and then your son can give it to you.
He probably wont do this, the fact he wants to come when your son is asleep tells me he is probably expecting more.
If he does come, and gives the gift to your son to give to you, then you can thank your son profusely for the gift, because after all it is coming from your son.
If you ex is insisting the gift is from him and your son, tell your ex you do not want any presents from him and to either give it to somebody else or take it back to the store for a refund.
The man is obviously trying to manipulate you. Don't let him.
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