A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am having a bad case of baby fever, I'm afraid. I've always loved kids and adored the thought of having my own. I work at a daycare, and I am responsible for 4 infants on my own. I love it. It's difficult at times, especially when they're all crying and you're covered in spit-up and poop, but it makes me happier than anything. I know it's weird.My fiance loves kids too, but he wants to wait until we're completely done with college. He's in a long program, and then has to have a lot of experience beyond that before he can work independently, so he thinks we'll be ready in about 6 years. I'll be done with my graduate degree in 3 years. The thing that really makes things complicated is that I had a miscarriage a few months ago. The pregnancy was unplanned, and I didn't even know I was pregnant when it happened! I thought I had my period, and a tiny baby (fetus?) came out of me. After some research, I found I was probably 7 weeks along. I was devastated, and so was my fiance. It was like a bad dream. Even though it wasn't planned, I would have loved that baby like no other. Now I feel this emptiness that I can't fill. Taking care of the babies at my work makes me want one more! We're not financially ready for a child, and graduation is a ways away, but this desire is the strongest thing I've ever felt. My fiance wants to stick to our original plan, but I hate this gnawing empty feeling. What should I do?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 After a miscarriage there is always the grief and yearning for another baby to fill in the emptiness of heartache. It’s understandable and only natural that you’d feel this strong desire after such a lose – planned or not :( I hope your partner remains supportive and assuring of the future.
Meanwhile although your fiancée is partially right in his thinking in relation to finances, but to wait another 6 years, that’s pushing the maternal boundaries of patience!? That of course is his male thinking for security and providing etc. It’s a good thing, because men worry differently to us women folk.
However to alleviate those gnawing feelings you are best to focus on the baby that you will have in your arms one day :) And by that I think, after ‘you’ graduate in 3 years the subject should be bought up again and reviewed. Do your best at achieving good grades; keep up the good work at the Day Care Centre and start saving to lessen those financial pressures etc!
Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 May 2013):
 the first thing I'm going to say is that at 7 weeks the fetus DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A BABY and is about half an inch long and looks more like a mass of cells still.
In fact at ten weeks the fetus is a mere 1.2 inches long and is just starting to look like a baby. Amid all the tissue and blood I'm wondering if you were just hoping you saw what you saw.
I had a very very VERY heavy period in college that was over two weeks late and that would have put me at about 6-7 weeks pregnant at the time. I missed a week of class due to heavy heavy bleeding and cramps and never even knew I was pregnant until 10 years later when I was discussing an impending early miscarriage with my gyn at the time.
I'm mot sure what kind of a licensed day care you work in but to be honest here in my state you can only have two infants for every adult... if you are caring for four, then the law is being broken. In addition, caring for them 10-12 hours a day is NOTHING compared to 24/7.
AND then there is the funding... I have two friends that work just to pay day care.... their salaries don't even begin to cover enough.
I heard on CBS yesterday that it will take over 1 million dollars to raise a child for 18 years. THINK ABOUT THIS
if you can't afford a baby now with you working, how will you afford it when you are not working?
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 as much as you don't want to, i'd say wait. Too many people in my opinion now have babies too young and can't afford them. Why not offer to babysit, or do more hours at your job to look after children more frequently to try and ease the desire. Definately wait until you've finished your course so you wouldn't have to drop out and never complete it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 You should read aloud to yourself 100 times what you have written : " We are not financially ready for a child " until it sinks in.
It's not just a matter of what you want and crave and yearn for, it's also a matter of what a child needs and deserves, which, unluckily, it's not just about love and cuddles.
Some times it is really hard to delay gratification- but if it involves the wellbeing and future of a little child, it's a must.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (13 May 2013):
 I understand baby fever, trust me, I have two small children of my own and I'm 24. But i think your fiance is right and you should wait until you're finished with school and financially able to take care of a child.
My son was a complete surprise, my daughter was planned and not very well. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. But now me and their father are struggling to put food on the table, pay bills and I'm trying to go back to school and finish nursing school but I have nowhere for my kids to go for me to do that.
Before you have a baby, you have to think about certain things. Finances, can you afford to have a baby? They are very expensive. Crib, clothes, carseat, check ups, shots/immunizations, the hospital stay for when you have the baby, diapers, wipes, creams, strollers.. the list is endless.
Are you emotionally ready to devote ALL of your time to another person and never have time to yourself anymore. AFter you're a mom, your kids come first. You can't just change plans anymore. You have to think it through and find a sitter and transportation and it's a lot different when you have a baby. You and your fiance won't get the chance to be alone, just the two of you very often.
You're in school, you'd have to take time out to have the baby. Find daycare while you're in school if you can afford to go back to school, daycare is outrageous.
There is a lot of thought before you have a baby. Really think about it. You can't send your own baby home like you can with the babies at the daycare, its a 24 hour job.
I think you should wait. That's my opinion though. I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I've had one myself. Have you thought about talking to a grief counselor? Maybe a dog?
I wish you the best of luck, I really hope this helps.
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