A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend the other night. We've been together for 3 years now and have had problems within those years, some of which have not successfully been solved. I was away for 6 months going to school, and the last two months were the hardest. We weren't communicating well and things were getting really really tense. I got back home two weeks ago and we were talking a bit more and really trying to work things out.Until the other day when the argument lashed out. It all started with me addressing one of my problems with him. Afterwards he left for work and during the entire day I became more and more frustrated and fed up with everything. When I saw him at the end of his work day I barely even looked at him. One of the first things he said to me was he wanted to break up and end things because he's had enough. I don't want to get too far into the argument but it was intense.I've felt the same way before but I know in the back of my head that I truly love him and he's worth working this all out with. He tends to get really angry and lash out and run away from our problems and not talk about them. I on the other hand am the pusher and believer, I guess you can say. Idk.I spoke to him yesterday and we had a very nice and long conversation. It seems like we can definitely talk things over one thing at a time but it's difficult when he's still weary of it all. You know? Today I tried contacting him but he still needs time and space and that's just the way he's always been.It's really hard right now and difficult in every humanly possible way. Him and I have gotten ourselves deep into a hole of shit. I know that we can dig ourselves out of it but I feel like he has to regain my trust and believe as much as I do that him and I can work things out. He doesn't believe that we can and he's afraid that if we see each other things will fall back into the same patterns but I'm not going to give up on us. It's going to be hard, but don't you think that if you want something bad enough, you can do it? You just can't give up? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 May 2013):
 If he wants time and space you must give him time and space.
If you push him he will definitely not be receptive to coming back.
The problem is BOTH people have to WANT to make it work for them. IF he does not have any fight in him left for your relationship you can push and help all you want and it won't change anything.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see what you're all saying. I know he needs time and I know it's not going to be forever. But I feel like it's within this time where I really need to show him how I can truly change and make things better. You know?
There's no option for things to get worse with us. I want to really talk things out with him. Like for real. I want things to get better, that's the only way this will work. And the only way we can get there is with hope and believing and I'm going to be strong and push through this.
Like I said, I think he's scared and weary because he thinks things will just get worse. I have to somehow prove it to him that this is going to work.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 I'd like to help you with one or two of the issues, but you haven't actually said what they are.
Making relationships work is not about having the same opinion on everything, but on accepting your differences. Sometimes these are just too big, however, and it's better to call time on the relationship. It sounds like that's the place your boyfriend's in right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2013): Sometimes couples take a break, maybe that is what you both need. Especially if things have really gotten intense, trying seeing if he would be willing for a temporary separation, instead of a full on break up.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 Yes, if you want something bad enough then you can fight for it however sometimes its best to be a realist.
Give him his space and a chance to think things through and maybe come around and then you guys can really talk it through and tell eachother what you plan on doing. If he is still on the path of giving up then you will have to let him go. You can't really make someone who doesn't want to stay, stay. Even if he does stay regardless of feeling the need to give up, things will turn very sour and very quick. The fighting will get worse and he will end up feeling different towards you.
Im not saying give up straight away cause its always good to first try but im saying if trying isn't working then letting go will be the only other option.
Goodluck
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