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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He keeps breaking up my relationships, I'm in love. I need to stop him!
Q. There is this guy who I am completely inlove with but everytime we start dating he just stops talking to me and then months pass and he comes back and then he leaves again and that just keeps happening. I told him im tired of him doing that and that ...
A. 20 June 2013: I agree that if you had an RO that his coming to your home would not happen and the police being called would result in him being arrested.
I also know just how hard it is to get an RO or a PO when you feel threatened but legally there is nothi... (read in full...)
Is marriage the right thing for me to do?
Q. I just want to share my story and I would Love your opinions. it was about 8 or 9 months ago I was walking into church for a revival when I laid eyes on the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. He was well dressed, the cutest smile with pe...
A. 19 June 2013: I think that you should marry him in about 3 years... start planning the wedding then... after you and he spend a lot of time together on a daily basis and figure out if there is truly something there or not.
DO NOT jump into anything qui... (read in full...)
He keeps breaking up my relationships, I'm in love. I need to stop him!
Q. There is this guy who I am completely inlove with but everytime we start dating he just stops talking to me and then months pass and he comes back and then he leaves again and that just keeps happening. I told him im tired of him doing that and that ...
A. 19 June 2013: IF you block his phone numbers and his emails and block him on social media then he can't come into your life or contact you.
if you don't take his calls he can't bring up anything
if you don't answer his messages (you can't see them if you ... (read in full...)
I am so sick and tired of losing out in love and being the lonely one.
Q. I feel absolutely hopeless. I love my friend more than I have ever oved anyone. If he goes back to his ex wife or doesn't lvoe me now is there some hope that maybe he'll fall for me in the future? I am so sick of the loneliness and pain I feel ...
A. 19 June 2013: You are so struggling with the hurt and pain and loss right now you can’t see that it will improve if you let it.
I can with nearly 100% certainty tell you that a married man if given the option is going to almost always return to wife and fami... (read in full...)
He needed a break and doesn't want me back.
Q. I have been split up with my ex 7 weeks today and I just can't seem to get over it! I've seen pictures with him and other girls and its really getting to me! I have phoned him and asked him if he is with someone but he said its got nothing to do ...
A. 19 June 2013: Sadly asking for a break was his chicken way of breaking up with you and not giving you the closure you need.
It's over OP his needing a break means he wanted out.
Sadly there is nothing you can or should do to try to get him back.
What yo... (read in full...)
Is he still into his ex?
Q. Hi and thanks My bf and I have been together for about a yr. Its been a roller coaster at times. Hes got different rules for him and I. Don't text men don't email men but he texts his ex and hangs out with her. He swears hes over her but I get we...
A. 19 June 2013: Well first of all, the rules have to be the same for all people in the relationship. Having one set of rules for you and a different set for him is wrong.
BUT if this ex is the mother of his children (regardless of how old they are) then the... (read in full...)
Friend has given me an ultimatium--either be his girlfriend or we no longer talk
Q. I'm really close to my friend who told me he wanted to be more than friends about a year ago. Initially I said I didn't feel the same way and we tried to carry on as we had been before, talking everyday but I was seeing other people. Since then ...
A. 19 June 2013: I see it from both sides to be honest.
In my life I had a person give me an ultimatum just about a year ago. Basically they did not like the man I was seriously dating and the wife half of my then closest couple friends said to me "my husb... (read in full...)
Details about my wife's past have made me feel our sex is not new or exciting or different!
Q. I recently found some details of my wife's sexual history and I'm now disgusted by her. What can I do? I mean I know it is "the past" but we're talking about her saying and doing the exact same things she says and does to me. This bothers me a tre...
A. 19 June 2013: How to advise the OP to handle this depends on a few things.
IF she LIED about her past then the issue is due to the wife’s lies and the OP has every right to be upset. BUT if she did not lie, then I fear that this issue is deeper than betrayal... (read in full...)
He's the only one I'll ever love. How can I find a way for us to be together?
Q. My heart is broken. I'm so afraid that I've lost hope of winding up with the person I know in my heart is for me. I love one of my closest friends, and I know in my heart that I'll NEVER love anyone else like I love him. I'm afraid that he's...
A. 19 June 2013: OP I know you are lonely... and I know you think he's the only one you will ever love, but I can assure you that love is out there for all of us in many shapes and forms and with more than one person.
I doubt seriously that he will ever love you... (read in full...)
He's the only one I'll ever love. How can I find a way for us to be together?
Q. My heart is broken. I'm so afraid that I've lost hope of winding up with the person I know in my heart is for me. I love one of my closest friends, and I know in my heart that I'll NEVER love anyone else like I love him. I'm afraid that he's...
A. 18 June 2013: You are not going to like what I'm going to say but I have to say that reading your post sent a shiver up my spine.
You sound like a woman who MIGHT if pushed do something dangerous to herself or others.
I doubt if it's anything you did to ... (read in full...)
Friend has given me an ultimatium--either be his girlfriend or we no longer talk
Q. I'm really close to my friend who told me he wanted to be more than friends about a year ago. Initially I said I didn't feel the same way and we tried to carry on as we had been before, talking everyday but I was seeing other people. Since then ...
A. 18 June 2013: IF you don't know what to do and you are feeling pressure, then I think you do know what to do but don't want to.
You do not feel that way about him and he's willing to take the chance. Eventually you will tire of the pretense and leave...
... (read in full...)
We're using each other for sex so why are my friends so against him?
Q. Ok, I've been sleeping with this guy on and off for just over a year. When it all first started out he had a gf, so as you can imagine my friends don't have a very high opinion of this guy. I know it was a crappy thing to do but I didn't care, it ...
A. 18 June 2013: Ok so is your question about what your friends think and say or is it about what happened on Sunday with your FWB and is it becoming more?
As for your friends comments, they are entitled to their opinions and if you do not agree and do not w... (read in full...)
What to make of a woman who has confusing behavior
Q. I've been giving (hopefully useful) advice on Dear Cupid for a while, now I have a question myself. When I walk my dog I occassionally bump into this woman jogging. This has happened at least five times. The first time she actually saw me havi...
A. 18 June 2013: Or it could be that she's not interested in dating or being hit on during her work out or a million other reasons.
If you are interested in her more than just a casual "hi how are you" kind of thing, the only thing you can do is bite the bul... (read in full...)
How can I stop my clingyness to a guy that is already involved? I am in love with him!
Q. I'm hoping someone will help me I love this guy so much but unfortunately I've made the usual mistakes clingy too emotional etc Ok he's with a girl he's been with her 5 years We got close and kissed twice last year please don't judge he said afte...
A. 18 June 2013: Listen to me... my husband is an idiot. I love him but he's a jerk. I whine and complain about him all the time. I AM NEVER LEAVING HIM... I just like to whine and complain about him.
You will never have this man see you as you want.
Yo... (read in full...)
Do you think I should even try to have a friends with benefits relationship with him or is that just setting myself up to get heartbroken again?
Q. Hi all, 3 years ago I started dating a Marine. We grew up near each other and were friends for several years before we started dating. We did the long distance thing for about a year when he started asking me to relocate (across country) to marr...
A. 18 June 2013: I think you should RUN as far and as fast from this as you can
IF you sleep with him and he's remotely nice to you, it will get you thinking that it could be all that you want it to be.
Even if he's not that nice to you it will get you hopi... (read in full...)
Why is she interested in sex less often now?
Q. Back again for more insight. Since my last question, things have fallen into place and going well. The new issue that has arisen is, she seems to never get horny or want to have sex very often. We didn't have sex "all the time" when we first started ...
A. 18 June 2013: when my husband and I first started out we were always sexual... over time it has become almost non-existent. I would be THRILLED with once a week. Heck I'd be thrilled with once a month.
I asked him about it and he said he doesn't feel sexy now... (read in full...)
Wondering if I should leave my wife?
Q. My wife of 5 years is emotionally abusive and unstable. I don't love her anymore and my heart has become totally closed off to her. Should I stay, though, for our daugher? It's not horrible, but I'm unhappy and counseling hasn't worked. Thank ...
A. 18 June 2013: never stay in a marriage just for a child that's wrong.
IF you are not happy I'm betting neither is your wife.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend refriended his ex. Do I believe the reason he gave me?
Q. So boyfriend refriended his ex on Facebook a couple of months after unfriending her because I had asked him to. I had insecurities about her even though they broke up about two years ago. He says it was weird that he unfriended her in the first ...
A. 18 June 2013: I have to agree to some extent with YouWish, I do not see a need to be friends with my ex partners and those I was not married to, I have NO contact with.
IN fact, the second husband I have no contact with at all and have no clue where he is or wh... (read in full...)
Am I being too pushy because of my past relationships?
Q. This is a question related to my other question: Why is it, that when I see a girl I like, she replies back to my message, she texts me, that I go over the top and text her with multiple messages? It's only human nature to try and rush things....
A. 18 June 2013: Recently my 26 yr old son and I had a chat about how to find a girl to be serious with. My son is educated, he's tall, dark and handsome, he makes good money for his age, has his own place and his own interests. To be truthful, he's a "catch" to ... (read in full...)
I pawned my ring from the guy I loved so why do I have mixed emotions over doing so?
Q. Dear Cupid,I was in a relationship for several years on and and off but the last time we broke it off and went back together.But this time he gave me a RING and this ring makes my heart melt but I moved away to another state and pawn it.Deep down ...
A. 18 June 2013: Well you did not sell it you pawned it so you can go get it back and then you won't have these feelings.
If you are over and done with this man and want to move on with your life you can SELL the ring, that's permanent.... (read in full...)
What are your opinions when it comes to friends having surgery
Q. If someone say an ex girlfriend, someone you're friends with, or know really well got a nose job what would you think of them? Taking into consideration that their nose was bumpy, hooked and too big for their face... Would you think any differ...
A. 18 June 2013: When I was around 19 my very good friend called me from the hospital. She was in having her nose and chin done and having breast enhancement.
It made her happy so I was happy for her
2 summers ago I had a breast lift and a tummy tuck and... (read in full...)
Gave him oral sex, he cumed quickly after around four minutes what does that mean ??
Q. Last night i gave oral sex to my boyfriend. i sucked his dick. We've been talking for a while and we recently made it official. So I'm not sure what he's done when we were "just talking". Last night when i gave him head , he told me i was good. ...
A. 18 June 2013: It means he was very turned on and he liked it.
It does not prove he is used to receiving oral sex or anything else.
What I wonder is, why do you feel close enough to suck his dick but not ask him if he's ever had it done before?... (read in full...)
Should I cheat on my girlfriend because she's overweight?
Q. Should i cheat on my GF? I know its wrong and everything, but i have been talking to this girl lately and i feel i have a connection with her, like its crazy how similar we are. Im not 100% sexually attracted to my current gf, she is over weight, ...
A. 18 June 2013: I hate to break it to you OP but MOST guys would NOT cheat.
My husband is a DOG when it comes to looking at other women, but trust me the guy would NEVER cheat or lie.
There is finding another woman attractive and that's fine. It's ev... (read in full...)
My LDR of over two years just stopped talking to me
Q. My long distance boyfriend for 2 1/2 years stopped talking to me just like that. We had such a good relationship and love each other so much. He live in different state which is about 3000 miles from me but we see each other every other month. We ...
A. 17 June 2013: I would not reply and I would ignore him to be honest.
he's keeping contact to a minimum but it's his way to keep you hanging on.
with LDRs if after 6 months to a year at your age if one of you or both of you are not planning a move, the... (read in full...)
Is he into me or not. Should I ask?
Q. There is a guy I flirt with at work all the time. At first I found him annoying, but now I think he's adorable. The day at work before my two week vacation (which I'm still on) we were talking a lot. I thought we were getting somewhere and figured ...
A. 17 June 2013: if you have asked him to go out with you in a group and he's not taking you up on it, then it's probable he's not as into you as you are into him.
FWIW just because a guy talks to you or flirts with you does not necessarily mean he wants more. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend refriended his ex. Do I believe the reason he gave me?
Q. So boyfriend refriended his ex on Facebook a couple of months after unfriending her because I had asked him to. I had insecurities about her even though they broke up about two years ago. He says it was weird that he unfriended her in the first ...
A. 17 June 2013: do you have any reason other than your own insecurity to doubt him?
I'm friends with my ex partners (husbands) on facebook
does not mean I want them back as partners....
... (read in full...)
Should I wait until the divorce comes through before I pursue things further with her?
Q. After a 6-year wait for a possible relationship, 3 months ago I finally got a reply from the advert I placed on Match.com, one thing I liked that she mentioned in her profile was B movies (and her advert seemed a little keen: it said: if you thin...
A. 17 June 2013: You've asked before about this I think...
I think it's time to let this one go and move on.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend not over his ex wife?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, 1 year living together. His ex wife (with whom he has 2 children) remarried 2 years ago and just had a baby. During the pregnancy he gave me updates on her health, the scans and on the day of the birth was ...
A. 17 June 2013: I'm a divorced mother and I have to say I think it's over the top.
Once you are divorced even if you SHARE children you want your ex to be healthy and happy and whole but you do not need to be in their lives 24/7
if the children are quite y... (read in full...)
HELP! How do I tell my flatmate she rude, without being rude myself???
Q. Moved into a great new place 3 weeks ago. My new flatmate is a 45yr old Russian and I am 25yr old British, so I appreciate that perhaps there could be a cultural thing with the difference of how things are said/done in our different countries. ...
A. 17 June 2013: I'm thinking you need to tell you that if you two are going to live together in peace you need to come up with a written set of rules that works for both of you.
For example... "Quiet HOURS" in the house are from 10 pm till 7 am (or whenever... (read in full...)
My Dad refuses to be around my boyfriend
Q. I'm going to my cousin's 30th birthday party next week, but I can't take my boyfriend with me, as my dad is going to the party too, and he doesn't want to be around my boyfriend. My boyfriend used some bad language when he came to my dad's birthday ...
A. 17 June 2013: OP,
My take on this is on several levels. there is tolerating and accepting of mental illness and then there are people who use having a mental illness as an excuse to be an asshole. I'm sensing your boyfriend falls into the latter category... (read in full...)
How to cope when you know what he was like in the past??
Q. Hey, I'm just wondering on everyone's take on this situation. My other half have been together a year and a half.... we stay together every night and are pretty settled now which is lovely... I'd known him for a few years beforehand with ...
A. 17 June 2013: As a woman who had two children with a man who I left when the kids were 3 and 5 I will tell you what bugs me the most about this is that HE GOES to HER HOUSE for his visitation.
That is not good. He should pick her up and bring her for visi... (read in full...)
Do I really need all this Baby Mama drama? What can I do about this situation?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. I'm in a baby mama drama situation, and I'm not sure how to handle it... Please help. I'll give some background... He and the mother of his child were never married. Their relationship was r...
A. 17 June 2013: Personally at this point he's not even sure he's legally the father right?
I would not tolerate this from my partner.
I would tell him, "if you want to play happy daddy with this child you must get court ordered Paternity, and be on the... (read in full...)
Should I dye my hair blonde because b/f likes blondes? I am worried he might go for a blonde if I'm not one too!
Q. hey, i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend now for a little over a year (let call him r), we have fun and love each other so much, but one thing he does hurts me. basically we went out for a bit before and then we broke up because we we...
A. 17 June 2013: Let me tell you my story. Note I am more than old enough to be your mother so t his is not a teen phenomenon.
My husband HATES blondes. He loves dark straight hair.
When we met I wore my naturally curly hair curly and I was dying it red. ... (read in full...)
Why did my husband leave me after 6 years of marriage?
Q. Why did he leave me? My husband left my son and I after 6 years of marriage. He wanted his freedom and to be able to do as he pleased. He was having "the grass is greener" issues. He was verbally and emotionally abusive and generally not a good...
A. 17 June 2013: The hardest thing to learn is that it's NOT personal.
HE did not leave you because of something you did or did not do, he left because of his own personal demons or baggage.
A good book to help you learn this is "A Fine Romance" by Judith ... (read in full...)
Should I cheat on my girlfriend because she's overweight?
Q. Should i cheat on my GF? I know its wrong and everything, but i have been talking to this girl lately and i feel i have a connection with her, like its crazy how similar we are. Im not 100% sexually attracted to my current gf, she is over weight, ...
A. 17 June 2013: NO you should not cheat.
Rather you should break up with her if you do not want to be with her.
... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a rut and need advice
Q. Well here we go again. Next holiday new problem. After what happened with the mothers day present and my ex buying me jewelry he now thinks I should have to get him something for fathers day. I do not believe I have to. I am not working and I ...
A. 17 June 2013: Well if your child is too young to shop themselves, it would have been nice to have the child send a card (i.e. you do it with your child's name)
As for the other stuff.... usually having SCHEDULED visitation is the key... either he ke... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me what's going on here?
Q. I've been "going out" with this girl who I really really like for the past 2 months. We get along great, whenever we are together we have a really nice time. She texts me A LOT, but mostly random stuff. Thing is, aside from that, she doesn't...
A. 17 June 2013: cindy is spot on as usual.
she likes you
she just does not like you as much as you would want her to.
FWB does not mean meet at a designated time and place, have sex and leave. FWB can talk and see a movie and have dinner and text and... (read in full...)
Is he trying to make me think that ruining our family was my biggest mistake ever?
Q. About two years ago I was going through Great Depression and I cheated on my husband twice and had a 6 week affair. We were in different locations at the time. I fell pregnant and had an abortion because he wanted me to. So I did. We moved into a ...
A. 17 June 2013: he's trying to keep a civil relationship with the mother of his children.
he's not teasing you or asking you back
there is no reason you two can't be civil and friendly in raising your kids together.... (read in full...)
Erection difficulties at 19?
Q. Hi everyone. This is more of a health question than a relationship question but could anyone help? I have been with my boyfriend about 5 months now, everything is great, except we've had a few er problems in the bedroom. He always gets an erection ...
A. 17 June 2013: It could be the condoms if they are too small... try bigger ones...
To be honest my FIRST thought however was since he's fine with blow jobs or masturbation is that he's worried about pregnancy...
what birth control are you on (to me co... (read in full...)
Curious about my wife's sexual past
Q. My wife and I have been together 9 years, and had the whole "how many people have you ******" conversation many years ago. Ever since then, I, like many husbands, still wonder "is that her real number, or is she holding some back?" The history she ...
A. 17 June 2013: curiosity killed the cat....
I can't see in any way how this line of questioning is a good idea.
I would accept what she said as what she wants you to know
you have said knowing differently will not change anything so why bother?... (read in full...)
Age differences: what's ok and what's not?
Q. I'm attracted to a 19 year old guy... but I'm 22. While the age difference isn't that big, I feel like this is the time in your life where you are maturing fast and growing up. He just graduated high school last year while I've been out for 4 y...
A. 17 June 2013: I think it's fine if you two enjoy each others company and want to be together.
Yes in general women mature faster than men but it's not always the case.
I think 19 and 22 is fine; whereas 17 and 20 would not be.
And as we age it become... (read in full...)
I like this older woman but she would not ever tell me her exact age.
Q. I'm curious about this woman, I'm 24, she's 40 odd - she don't look it, I didn't realise before I'd started hitting on her. She didn't stop me, we've been out a few times, we talk constantly but then she wouldn't tell me how old she exactly was. She ...
A. 17 June 2013: It probably matters to her more than it does to you.
When my husband was 24 I would have been 37. And I can assure you that his 24 yr old persona would never have meshed permanently with my 37 yr old self.
Now at 40 and 53 we m... (read in full...)
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