A
male
age
36-40,
*eter Parker
writes:I have been online dating for about a year and I go on about 2 dates a week.I'm no Brad Pitt but i'm a good looking guy and have just qualified as a children's doctor.I met a girl (M) 2 weeks ago and we have been on some dates. She is cute as hell and very exciting and great in the bedroom. I met her family and friends and her family jokingly said she should marry me before I get away. Apparently her last boyfriends were not very nice.She was over yesterday and in the bath and she asked me to call her friend about going out. After the call, I shouldn't have but I saw some messages on her phone that caught my eye. I read them and they seemed to be from ex boyfriends and they said stuff like " you are a sick human being and you don't deserve anyone to care for you etc, real nasty stuff.I dropped her home and she sent me some text messages saying stuff like " I know we have only known eachother 2 weeks but I am falling in love with you and I can see myself marrying you and I want your child in the near future etc. She was saying how perfect I am and she was lucky to have met me.I got a call from her best friend and she told me that there was stuff I deserved to know. She said even though M was her best friend, I seemed like the only decent guy she met and that I should just walk away. She said M is a compulsive liar who goes from guy to guy and she was issues and can't be alone. She said she will trap me and if I want to leave she will get pregnant or something to keep me. She said she will ruin my life and it's best I know now.I went to bed with my head all in a spin. My mind is saying run as fast as you can but then she calls or comes over and we watch movies or go to bed etc and I forget it.What shall I do? It's all a mess .... thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): I'd like to take this a step further - don't just wear a condom, make sure you throw it out (flush down the toilet) post sex. Women have been known to take used condoms from the guy they desire and impregnate themselves.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 May 2013):
 Dear Spiderman,
What should you do?
1. ALWAYS wear a latex condom do not rely on her to practice birth control
2. Watch her actions NOT her words.
You have known her a mere two weeks. THAT is NO TIME AT ALL and it means you don’t really know her.
RED FLAGS I see:
1. Fast sexual activity
2. Meeting her family already
3. The family jokes about getting married
4. The fact that her best friend has your phone number and contacted you to “rat her out”
You are what my dear friend calls “fuckstruck”. To avoid this, BACK OFF from M.
Take it down a notch. Sure call her daily or text her. See her maybe one day midweek for dinner and chat and then one weekend night for movie and whatever… I’d develop some sort of jock itch or something to prevent further sexual encounters for a while. A cold will mean no necking and petting.
IF she is a “whack-a-loon” then telling her that you want to pull back a notch may set her off. I’d rather see you hold the upper hand by not telling her you want to “pull back”.
The problem is you LIKE her and if you are going to continue to like her more and more by sleeping with her then don’t do it.
Go in with EYES WIDE OPEN and be aware that she may or may not be all the things the friend says. And messages from an ex may not be indicative of her but rather her choice in men.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): LEAVE. SHe wants you to impregnate her after two weeks!!! My gosh! RED WARNING SIGN! LEAVE. Hope it's not too late and you used protection because she's sure as hell not going to be on the pill.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): My greatest fear in a situation like this; is that you'll ask for advice, and ignore it out of cowardice. That you'll either fear this woman's reaction to rejection, or hurting her feelings.
You've received warnings and your first instinct should have been to distance yourself. You may have involved yourself with a sociopath or she may suffer from bipolar disorder.
Many people with mental disorders seek dating through the internet, because it allows them to hide their true nature. They can display a picture and create a profile to snare unsuspecting people, such as yourself. So you have to be careful and be prepared to deal with situations like this.
It is likely she will not take rejection well. However; you have had sex (big mistake) and you have allowed her to fantasize and project where things are going, before even establishing if you even really like her. You know you really put your foot in it, by becoming intimate with a stranger; before knowing who she really is, and more about her personality. You can't afford to be that naive if you are internet dating.
You will have to be straight forward and tell her that you feel she is taking things too fast. Be totally honest that you do not feel that you are ready for a commitment at this time. You cannot afford to be passive or allow her to manipulate you with emotion. Show no fear. Just give her a serious face, tell her that you want to keep your options open, and you feel it would be more considerate to stop things now before she gets too attached. She gave up sex quickly; because she can through it in your face to make you look like a total jerk. In this situation, she's close to being correct. She can manipulate you through your guilt.
DON'T TRY TO HIDE BEHIND TEXT MESSAGES OR E-MAILS. That is an invitation to come to your home for a confrontation. Invite her out. Meet her someplace and have a talk. This way you're out in public, she is forced to contain herself, and there is no opportunity to get caught up in a sexual situation. See her to her car. I don't recommend picking her up if you plan to end seeing her.
Sex, passive behavior,and only two weeks involvement put you in this bind. Now you had better get a handle on this straight-away.
Then prepare for her reaction. I would recommend blocking her from your phone and on the dating website. Report any behavior in violation to the rules of the dating service to the website; if she is prone to poison e-mails or bullet-texting.
That is the usual reaction from someone who doesn't take rejection well. Always react calmly. Do not appear shaken by angry comments or make threats. Just be vigilant as you would for any woman you have to end contact with, that responds negatively.
Now you know better than to let people pull you in too quickly, just to improve your chances to nail her in the sack. You went fast forward with the intent to get laid. It has now backfired. Just be smart and let this be a lesson. End it quickly and try to meet women you can see, touch, and feel in person. People try to replace interactive skills with easy-picking on websites. This is the usual outcome at some point. It's better to discover she's a nut face to face.
Don't let sex be your motivator when first meeting women. Get to know something about the ladies you date by taking them out, or meeting each other in a public place. If you get a warning from a friend; surely, take it into advisement.
Don't let woman discuss a future and define a relationship on a date. They are "imprinting" and forming an attachment when you are having this type of conversation. Stop them dead in their tracks and remind them that you're dating and you'll see how things go. Endorphins give you a feeling of
euphoria and you may over-look a lot of things blinded under the influence of hormonal bliss. You were horny!
In a nutshell; in the future, think with both heads and know what you're dealing with before you hop into bed with a woman.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 May 2013):
I hope that you're using protection that you bought yourself.
I think it's weird that she is telling you she wants to marry you and have your babies after only two weeks. This alone tells you that she's compulsive and doesn't understand her own feelings (enough to know the difference between love and lust). Although that alone isn't a good enough reason to leave her.
Texts from an ex shouldn't hold much weight here. I wouldn't want some of the bad things my exes (one of them a psycho) have said about me to be heard by a person I'm dating.
And her best friend could be nuts... But that in itself even says a lot about your lady friend.
At this point everything is circumstantial; albeit suspicious. If I was you I'd take things very slowly. Don't entertain talks of marriage for a couple of years (long enough for her to show her true colors). Always wear condoms! Always! The last thing you need (if your suspicions are proven true) is a baby with a psycho.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 May 2013):
 Nasty messages from former boyfriends on her phone; parents (if only "jokingly")telling you
you should marry her before she gets away; the call to you from her friend, not to mention her own statement about wanting to marry you and "have your baby in the near future."
You need to seriously consider the possibility that at some level this girl is mentally deranged. She strikes me as a "man trap."
Personally, my advice would be to RUN away - walking is too slow!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): First off chill out, Spiderman. It's only been two weeks, so either dump her or make this sex only.
The thing is though you know what she's like now, you know a relationship is not possible and you know she's a psycho, according to her friend anyway. So you know this isn't going anywhere.
If the risk of you falling for her is too great then walk away, but I personally would make it sex only.
Mentally unhinged sociopath's are fucking awesome in bed and I don't mind playing their game and using them to get it. I've bags of experience with them so I know all their tricks. Plus I love the challenge. Seriously though, my most depraved, awesome, passionate and physically painful sexual experiences were with manipulative psychos, the sexual chemistry you get between two people who view each other as fodder to feed on is amazing once you tap into it.
But if you're not the kind of guy can separate emotion and become animalistic then just forget about it OP. She'll destroy you and you may turn into an idiot "fixer" type.
But if you can view her as meat on your plate, then you'll get some messed up awesome sex from her before you throw her away.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 May 2013):
 This is a really tough one - but at the end of the day nothing that this girl has done would indicate any of what her friend said is true.
There could be multiple explanations for the messages and the phone call from her friend - the messages from the ex boyfriends are too difficult to read into anyway, as you dont know why the relationship ended and they may well just be bitter about her leaving them. Unless you know the full history of what happened between them I wouldnt worry about those messages, I'm sure you have ex girlfriends and I'm sure there has been a time where an ex will have sent something nasty to you, or you have done something like that to an ex.
As for the friend - are you sure the 2 girls are still best friends and havent fallen out? That is a pretty awful thing for a friend to do, surely if she has seen you are a good guy and all her friend's ex's were jerks then she should be happy her friend has a chance with a decent guy? Something doesnt add up there. I would never do that to any of my best friends, regardless of what they had done to a guy in the past I'd still want her to be happy.
So I wouldnt trust this friend right now, it doesnt sound quite right to me.
I think you need to give your girl the benefit of the doubt, trust in what you see of her but just be careful. You can only take people at face value, if she is a nice girl and treats you well then you cant judge her on anything more than that right now.
She is saying the 'i love you's' a bit soon in the relationship, that is a little worrying as it seems to be moving very fast so just try and slow it down a little. And be extra cautious with this pregnancy thing - wear a condom at all times, even if she claims to be on the pill dont rely on that and make sure you are being responsible too. It takes 2 to make a baby, so she cant exactly 'trap' you because you will have had a part in it too.
But aside from that, just take it slow and see what happens. Until she gives you a solid reason through her behaviour not to trust her, then keep on trusting her, carry on dating and see what happens. If she gives any indications of being a bunny boiler then you can get out, but for now see how it goes.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 May 2013):
 All this and you have only known her for 2 weeks? Sheesh!
Slow down Buddy. If you don't you will deserve all that you get. It's been 2 weeks for crying out loud. Think with that head that is above your shoulders. As a doctor I assume you are totally practicing safe sex. Remember my name and proceed accordingly.
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