A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The first time me and my boyfriend did anything sexual, which was just fingering, I faked it. I dont know why, but I could tell he was getting tired, and frustrated, because i've never actually orgasmed before, and although it felt really good, I didn't want him to feel like a bad lover, or waste his time..Now we've gone further, and done oral and more fingering, and I just cant stop. Now I've got to keep my lies in check, because if he found out, I'd be so embarrased, and I'm sure he'd be mad! I just dont know what to do. I need advice...I feel bad for lying to him, but I also feel bad that he cant make me orgasm, no matter what!
View related questions:
fingering, orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (12 January 2012):
Don't tell your boyfriend you were faking on purpose, it wont help. It sounds like he is a novice or he would already have noticed. You need to play with youself to find out what is best. I think guys are often too rough, and tend to go straight for sticking something in rather than playing around the clitoris. You need to be turned on, being a man I cant suggest whats best for that, but I remember a girlfriend who always got very excited when reading. Not sure what it was but I always noticed her hand going in her panties! (I would give her 15 minutes alone before joining in!) I have noticed that most clitorises (clitori?) seem to prefer massaging rather than rubbing! good luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): umm...
well: I'm 18 and have had umm...7 sexual partners :/
my boyfriend (being my 7th) has made me come heaps of times and it's all in the little knowing of a females "clitorious"
Anyway, we recently found a new sex position...
it's missionary, still guy on top, but instead of the females legs being on the out side of the mans, the females legs are together, the man pushes the females legs together tighter as he moves his penis in and out, and yes, this works for me, it may for you too.
Sorry for the graphicness haha.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 January 2012):
 simple you try it...
ya never know... but in order to figure it out you have to figure out your own body first.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat answer just made me think... How would someone even begin to figure out something like that... Like, I don't get how, for example, that girl felt that a bible would feel good on her lady parts. Not that I'm dissing her or anything, I just dont understand how one would come to the realization of that fact...
...............................
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 14 answers. 5 from you, and 9 from other women, giving you great solid advice, that can you can take or leave.In your defence, I will say that NO-ONE here can really give you ideas about what will make you orgasm, only you can experiment and find the answer. Please stop faking, as he is bound to find out in time.Also, do not worry about how you perceive sex and orgasms.I was a total jerk in the past, playing with women's lives and emotions, but every single one of those women I had sex with was completely different in the way they had orgasms.I imagine that you feel a little strange about sex toys and man made assistance due to your age, but I guess the more mature women here will tell you that ANYTHING that helps them to achieve orgasm is simply magnificent. Once you have one, you will probably feel the same way.You do need to practice, so that you can give advice to your boyfriend. There might be something or someone that you think about, that gets you really aroused. Thats a good starting point, and let your feelings increase from those thoughts, no matter how strange or crazy you might think other people might consider them to be. They are your thoughts, your feelings, your responses and yours alone.I will give you three examples of women I knew, and how completely different they were. I hope none of them read this and recognise their own sexuality:- One (Welsh) woman had a really old teddy bear called 'Taffy', whose bear nose and face was put to good use, by being rubbed on her clitoris.Another needed to have frantic sex outside, in public, in broad daylight (apologies to all those cricketers she may have distracted in Dulwich Park on weekends in the summer of 1992).A third masturbated with the spine of a Bible. It couldnt be ANY book, it had to be my black leather Bible. She was very religious, she prayed to God a lot. Oh God! Oh God! I loved that Bible. Good luck finding your sexual responses for yourself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's just my personal preference, I guess. I think sex toys are gross. Obviously you dont, but I do. *shrugs*
But I get about the shower part, that does make more sense now.
I will try more stuff, and hopefully something works, lol.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 January 2012):
 Do you use tampons/pads? Do you plan to use condoms (you must unless you want to be a parent)? Do you use soap when you shower? Do you wear underwear? All manmade. Why is it suddenly so different if it has to do with sex?
OP the showerhead is because you've never had an orgasm and YOU need to learn what YOU like before you can ever hope to explain it to your boyfriend. Even if you never just hand him the showerhead or whatever, you will find it much easier to reach orgasm by other means if something else pushes you there first, so you know what feelings mean close, about to, not close, etc... It's extremely tough to know what you will feel, what muscles to clench, etc... if you've never had one and are having trouble getting there. Our point is not that you need more tips for how to help your boyfriend, our point is that you need to get yourself there first for both your sakes.
We can't tell you some magic secret that all other women who have had orgasms know to get there because there is nothing like that. Some women have an incredibly easy time reaching orgasm, some physically cannot without mechanical assistance (and of course everything in between). I know in movies the main characters go have sex and orgasm in a few minutes exactly together just from intercourse, but that's not reality. Reality is that almost all women require either fingers or oral to orgasm every time. Reality is that some women need their partner to use a vibrator on them to orgasm and fingers and tongue aren't enough. None of these things mean a woman is broken or dysfunctional, it's just that our parts are not designed to be easily stimulated. I know it's really romantic to think that even if we haven't had an orgasm, once we're with the right guy it will just happen all naturally (I was the same way once), but unfortunately it just doesn't usually work that way.
So again, you have a few choices. You keep at it with your fingers (it will probably take awhile especially the first time) and remember your clitoris is where the action is so to speak. You should also think about some lube, it can make a world of difference. You add some water assistance to help you get to know sensations better (a bath faucet or showerhead). Or you get a toy to help you at least the first few times.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'll try again myself, without the help of any sort of sex toy or anything.
But, wow, feel almost embarrased about asking this, but can anyone direct me to some like... tip sites or something? Because whatever I'm doing obviously isn't enough...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNope, everything. I dont want to put anything in or on or around me that is man-made. I think it's weird....
And I dont meant to be rude rude, but how will a shower help to teach him what I like.I dont really understand how he'd be able to use that information...
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 January 2012):
I also vote for not lying but you can't tell him you lied...
My man cannot bring me to orgasm no matter what he does.
in all my years with a partner there was only one who could and that was through oral... other than that.. nope.. not going to happen...
i suggest if you don't want plastic toys get yourself a hand held shower massage... put it on pulse and play with that in the shower... figure out what you need to orgasm so you can teach him...
I mean how can you teach him to bring you to orgams if you can't do it yourself yet?
...............................
A
female
reader, HippyChick +, writes (3 January 2012):
 You need to relax, you have got it into your head you can't so you don't. Sometimes it can take a while to find out how, spend ALLl the time you need on your own and find out what works for you, it really is worth the effort and it is for your benefit. Once you know you can show him, and then there will be no looking back and after that don't ever fake again.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 January 2012):
Then you need to keep at it, because there is almost no chance your boyfriend will be able to give you your first. It takes a bit to learn how it feels, what exactly pushes you over the edge, etc... Even if he was more experienced, he still wouldn't know what pushes your buttons.
There's nothing wrong with buying a small bullet style one to get your first few down and then trying again on your own either. I understand you not wanting that kind of help with this, but in terms of ever having an orgasm you're at a bit of a stalemate. Either you work at it more with your hands, you get a vibrator, or you use a massaging showerhead if you have one. Some people also use a bathtub faucet (lying on their backs under it). There are a lot of very useful websites out there with collections of how other women masturbate to give you ideas too. Those could be helpful to you.
Also I assume you're referring to phallic looking ones that are gross to you? Because bullet ones are about finger sized at most and range from silver and round to cylinder shape, pretty un-gross. About 53% of women use vibrators, so it's certainly not for weirdos or something.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I've definitely done that before, just nothing I try was able to make me orgasm...
And I'm definitely NOT gonna get a vibrator! I have nothing against people who use 'em, but I just dont like sex toys at all. It's all like, plastic-ey, and not natural...
Eew...
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 January 2012):
Well there's your problem. It's totally unfair to expect him to figure out how to please you if you don't know how to do it yourself.
You need to go masturbate to orgasm several times to learn what you like. If you work at it for 30+ minutes (yes it can take that long) and it's just not working, you may want to consider getting a vibrator, then show him how to use it on you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys keep telling me to show him, but I have already shown him what feels best, and I do know what I like, but I've never been able to orgasm, by myself or with him...
I mean, I tell him all the time " I love it when you ______" And it's always the truth, I do love it...
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 January 2012):
Don't tell him you've been faking, you will thoroughly devastate him. Instead, Figure out how to do it on your own, then show him. Guide his hands, give him a visual demonstration, tell him when something feels good or say "I just love whn you do ___."And definitely stop faking. All you're doing in wrecking your own sex life by ensuring he never learns how to get you off for real. If he asks why you're not able to anymore, say it was hormones (because those really do impact your arousal and ability to orgasm).
...............................
A
female
reader, bearN  +, writes (2 January 2012):
 The best would be guiding his fingers on how to pleasure you. And drink plenty of water. It will help you orgasm better and faster.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): I've faked orgasms in a relationship too because I'd never finished this happened last june and I told him the truth in august, obviously he was upset thinking he had done wrong and then he couldn't trust me for a while, but I think you hsould come clean with him because if he ever found out it would be worse because you hadn't told him, just explain to him it's not his faults and its normal for a lot of women not being able to achieve an orgasm, good luck, xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (2 January 2012):
 If he cant make you orgasm, do it yourself and show him!Dont tell him that you faked it all that time though... just teach him how you want to be stimulated... say you prefer it in this way now... that way he wont be so questioning.Lying is never good in a relationship so learn that lesson.But he has tried to please you which is the main thing. He has the endurance for him so just show him how you liked to be touched.Goodluck!
...............................
|
