A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, I'm 31 and married with 2 children an 8year old and one about to turn 1. I would consider myself a happy go lucky person that takes everything in my stride normally. recently I have found everyday things harder and herder to cope with, and I keep feeling upset and crying for no apparent reason. I just feel sad for days on end, and then all of a sudden I'll be feeling "normal" again only to be back to feelng sad for no reason a few days later again. I have had a tough year, first my Grandad died days before cristmas day 2010, then whilst pregnant I was constantly in and out of hospital with pre-eclampsia scares,(I delivered in feb this year, fairly normal delivery with minimal help), then my nan died in june, then I finally told my husband that I had been raped right at the begining of our relationship 10 yrs ago, my son has adhd and finally My relationship with my mother has become more fractious than ever as she struggles to come to terms with loosing both her parents. My question is really is this a phase or will the feelings pass?. I dont want to go to my doctor as I feel they would put me on antidepresants and I'd rather try to resolve my issues and feelings without needing to medicate myself for the rest of my life. thoughts everyone?. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): I think it would be ok to try anti depressants if you feel you need them but keep in mind that in the long term they can really mess up your whole cycle and hormones. I would try other things first such as green tea, wine, chocolate, vitamins, melatonin, light therapy, pet therapy, exercise and discussing your feelings. If you feel like crying just let yourself cry as that will release stress and emotions. Try to talk with your mom and heal that as she needs you now more than ever. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 Properly used, medication can treat depression quite effectively. I was in the 'no meds' camp until clinical depression had taken over my life to such an extent that I was very unhealthy and unhappy. As Miamine said, it was like the world was grey.
I finally was brave enough to go see a doctor, and he did a work up and I was given a prescription for an antidepressant. I considered not taking it, but going to get that prescription filled has completely changed my life for the better.
I've been off meds for 2 years now and manage my mood and health through exercise and nutrition. The 'talk therapy' I do is with friends on morning walks. I'm stronger and fitter and happier than I ever imagined I could be. And I shudder to think where I'd be if I had not had the gumption to go get that prescription filled. I'd still be stuck in my depression.
I think there are many paths to better mental health. Mine happened to start off with meds, but it now encompasses a healthier lifestyle and no meds are needed. If you are feeling this low and out of control, why wouldn't you explore all your options. Go see a doctor, meds may not be indicated in your case, as it sounds most of your stressors are external to you. What you need help with is finding ways to cope with them.
I've become a big fan of yoga and meditation. You might consider finding a good studio and a wise and caring teacher.
I wish you well on your journey to a healthier self.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (2 January 2012):
 Since you have had a difficult year and your sadness is caused by a lot of grief and sadness anti-depressants may not be necessary. Your doctor can also offer counselling, CBT or therapy.Depression is a funny thing, some people get better for no reason at all. Some people find that the sadness goes away and comes back again and stays with them for life. Some people find that other things, religion, an animal, a new goal or hobby can make them happy about life again.Unfortunately, I was like you. For about 5years (forget how long) my doctors begged and pleaded for me to take anti-depressants. But everyone around me kept telling me they were no good, and that I could just pull myself together and get well again.... Yep, well I was wrong and so was every single person who had no medical training but decided to advise me. Eventually I had to give up work and was on the way to death, until finally I took the damn tablets. Took a year to find the right one, but eventually I came here to Dear Cupid and learnt to laugh again. Depression, especially in it's clinical form is a truly horrible illness. It's not just being sad, it's more than that, it's like someone turned the lights off and turned your world grey. It's hard to do anything positive in this state, and that's why in clinical depression ONLY, anti-depressants help to control your symptoms so you can actually plan and get on with life.Your choice, doctors can't force you to do anything. If you think you will stop crying if you stay at home and avoid doctors, then that is fine. If you think talking therapy will help then go to see your doctor. Whether you are getting therapy, taking medication or doing self-help, you must monitor your moods to see if your getting better or worse, you must aim to live a totally healthy lifestyle. That means exercise, good healthy food, and the right amount of sleep, not too much or too little. Make an effort to take yourself out of situations which might cause you stress, it's stress that triggered my depression and after what you've been through, your mind and body are under extreme stress as well. You are unwell, dont let your mother become reliant on you. Contact your GP. Tell your family and friends how you are feeling and ask for their help and support. You dont have to cry all the time, and for you to expect yourself just to wake up one day and feel better isn't very realistic. You need help to fight this, you need help to make the world look bright again and the sun to shine out.I doubt that you need tablets, but you do need a doctor. I'm not going to tell you that medication is no good, because when I was crying and attempting to die, the medication saved my life... for that I can put up with a little numbness, because laughter came back into my life.Every stress in life damages us a little..... this year you had everything happen. The mind and body are not superhuman, too much stress and they are harder to maintain. This happens to all humans, we can only take so much. I advise you to urgently make an appointment to see a doctor and probably get some counselling to make sense of all the emotions and terrors you have had to face in the last year.One last thing... You can't leave this alone until you feel better, you need to sort this out for the emotional well-being of your children. They may not hear you cry, but they can probably sense an unease in you.Good luck and blessings... you can beat this, keep up the hope.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 January 2012):
 Wanted to add, I had a really rough year once and was really REALLY adamant that I didn't go on anti-depressants. Three different doctors tried to put me on them and I told all of them no,no,no. No one can medicate you without your permission, so if you're really sure that's not what you want, don't take them and tell them you don't want them.
The thing about therapy is that you ARE solving your own problems and working through them yourself. The point of therapy is not to solve your problems for you, it's to help you figure it out for yourself and give you the support you need to get through it. Therapy only works for people willing to put in their own work and ready to help themselves out. Therapy is not for people who are weak or incapable of helping themselves. To the contrary, therapy is for people who are strong enough and brave enough to face their problems and tackle them.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (2 January 2012):
 Whilst there is no shame in going to your GP, you are very smart in your thinking that medication is not the best/only answer to your troubles.
I was medicated on 3 different anti depressants from 18 years old to 21, and it made me numb and my life became senseless and dull with no motivation to improve myself or acheive anything. I then came across CBT and clinical hypnotherapy. One week after working with the therapist I came off my medication and started life with a new positive outlook and the tools and the confidence to handle my situation more clear mindedly and was able to enjoy a day rather than "survive" it.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 18 after being unable to cope with being raped, 2 suicide attempts, being severely bullied and losing a child. Now I do not take medication, am happy and in control of my life and have trained to be a CBT clinical hypnotherapist myself so I can hope those who were in my position.
The NHS will not refer you to a hypnotherapist but they can refer you to a CBT therapist if you ask, however the waiting list can be very long. My advice is to find a private therapist which is linked to professional bodies, who have researchable qualifications and do not charge "cheap rates". A good therapist should be charging upwards of £70 per session. If you would like any more info, please feel free to PM me.
Here are some links which better describe CBT and Hypnotherapy
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx
http://www.peterfieldhypnotherapy.co.uk/how_hypnotherapy_works.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): Sounds like it could be a bit of post-natal depression combined with grief..anyway your brains on overload.
I would definately go and see your GP before it becomes too hard to handle. Theres no shame in it whatsoever, you need a boost at the moment, you have a busy life to cope with along with everything else. Just sharing it will help too, somebody to listen to you
I hope your sleeping well and looking after your needs as well as everyone elses.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (2 January 2012):
No your doctor should not just put you on anti depressants. Make a point of not wanting to if he suggests it. If he does he should explain the pro`s and con`s. He will refer you to someone who can help you and helps people just like you everyday of his working life. You are not on your own. It needs helping. Considering what you have gone through I think you are very strong.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 January 2012):
 If you needed insulin or glasses would you deny yourself those things?
You have had a horrifically difficult year and need a bit of help.
Your situation led to depression. The depression feeds on itself and creates a neuro bio CHEMICAL imbalance.
a bit of medical help to rebalance you is in order.
you will probably not need medication for the rest of your life just a short term to get you back to your proper balance.
but you should discuss this with the doctor as the weaning on and off of these medications is best done with professional supervision...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): Don't struggle on alone. At least go to the doctor and discuss your issues. Some temporary medication may help. Tell the doctor of your concerns about getting reliant on medication. He/she may also be able to put you in touch with some counciling about the rape which could well need dealing with.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 January 2012):
There is NO shame in seeking help when you need it. If you broke your leg, would you want to try to mend it yourself? Mental setbacks and disabilities are just as debilitating as physical ones and there is absolutely no shame in asking for help. If they did put you on anti-depressants (which they probably wouldn't) it would not be a permanent solution, just a temporary one until you can get yourself in/through therapy. Just like you wouldn't say you don't want painkillers because you might never come off them. You also would want to see a mental health professional, not your regular doctor.Depression can be incredibly difficult or impossible to cope with and get through alone. I think you would greatly benefit from at least seeing a therapist, especially since anti-depressants are usually a last resort. They will almost never give anti-depressants to someone who hasn't felt depressed for at least 6 months.
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