A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I really don't know but seems cool offered to take it from me. So in January I have set a weekend aside to lose it, What will I need besides condoms, for my first time and what are some good positions to try and some tips to last long?
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male
reader, aresu  +, writes (2 January 2012):
 but just keep in mind OP, that you should be very sure that you can take having casual sex and giving up the chance to lose your virginity and not regret it later, because if you arent sure that you could take it and live with that, then you should definetely dont do it, but still be careful to not make things worse taking risks, you may want to wait just a little while if you want, there is no point in rushing it, while i do think is very unlikely to find virgins at your age, they still are not impossible to find, i guess they not stark really getting almost impossible to find until your 25 more or less.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 January 2012):
 As irony of life will have it you'll meet someone right after you've just had sex, so she wont want you. That tends to be how these things work out when you think like you do. You got to take life as it comes, and if you've decided to wait then stick to it, or else you'll regret it. There's no shame however in breaking a promise you made to yourself. If you don't want to just go out and settle for anyone then don't, no one is making you or forcing you. Even if you promised yourself, you made that promise before you knew how long these things can take. You can't set a time limit on when you will find love, or even when you will find someone who's good enough to date.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncerberus- reading your post made me regreat saving myself. I had opprotunities in high school and was so naive to think i was gonna find someone. I would never pay for sex but i dont need too when i got this offer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): No OP, a virgin who dates someone with a high number of sex partners is not an idiot. They're an idiot if they let that bother them in my opinion. Then again some people can't/won't change how they feel about it.
My current girlfriend of over 6 years was a virgin when we started dating and I wasn't. She knows me a long time now and knows that I've had a lot of sex partners as I was very promiscuous for a couple of years to the point where it was futile to keep count. She's not an idiot because to me she may aswell have been the only one because sex with her is not only better but means more to me than with anyone else I've ever been with, you see that's our version of purity, the purity of our bond is one that makes all the others non-existent.
Times and attitudes have changed OP. Purity is a state of mind and is possible at any time. Sex is not some dirty thing that religion has drilled into our brains is sinful. It's as pure and as clean as you view it, like a hug. That purity is somehow a virtue of not having lots of partners is a load of crap because it can be as pure as the love you have for the woman that you're with.
Why would they be an idiot?
6 partners means they're probably experienced enough to know how to have good sex. There are no guarantees OP, sex may be a natural thing but being good at it is very often something that can't be learned or taught, every experienced poster here will tell you that.
For instance I have a friend that is saving herself for marriage and wants to marry another virgin. Now as if that task wasn't hard enough she also has to face possibility that she may well marry someone who is not sexually compatible with her and divorce is also not an option for her, so that would mean a life of no sexual fulfilment.
I feel bad for her to be honest because she gets duped by guys who start dating her saying they can wait only for them to realize later they can't, or they saw that as a challenge and hoped they could persuade her to if she fell in love with them or as in her first boyfriend she doesn't tell them and hopes they won't mind once they're in love with her. So on top of that she then has to find a virgin guy, a guy who will work in the long term as partner in all ways and then on top of all of that they have to be sexually compatible.
So if you ask me and you ask her, her concept of purity is a burden and is a very negative thing in the way society is now. She's going to go through a hell of a lot of loneliness and heartache unless somehow the god she is serving by doing this can gift her such a guy and sooner rather than later because she's already becoming jaded and bitter with guys screwing her over because of it.
I've had enough partners now to know that out of all of them at least a quarter of those, we just weren't good together. A bad physical fit, incompatible sexual needs, completely unable to click sexually or they were just crap, some people will just never be good at it, like anything in life, just because sex is as natural as taking a pee doesn't mean you will be good or your partner will be good or ever will.
Women and men come in all different shapes and sizes, and have certain needs to get them off. Especially women; most can't get off during intercourse alone for example and inexplicably a hell of a lot of them don't know that's normal, think there's something wrong with them or their partner and never open about it. There's a chance that those who do orgasm through intercourse need a different shape or size than the penis you have, you also need to know how to use your size and shape to the best effect, or that certain positions are impossible for any number of reasons or one partner may not like to give head and the other needs it. With a virgin girl you're far less likely to have a girl who will guide you, or tell you when you're doing the right thing because how would she know?
These are all things you learn by having multiple partners or learn through one long time partner but most of those start in the teenage years. I have been quite a few girls firsts and every single time they were pretty crap. I was lucky enough to have an experienced girl as my first. So while I was awkward, fumbling, struggling to find the right rhythm or angle, it was made a hell of a lot easier because she knew what she was doing, she knew to guide me back in if I slipped out, she knew how place me in the right position or to put her hand on me to slow me down without breaking my stride. Any time I wanted to switch positions I only had to gently guide her and she would assume the position automatically. Virgin girls you practically have to stop and lift them and then spend a bit of time moving limbs to get them in the right position, also because they've never done it before that position may be too deep and hurt them or any number of other complications that means you will have to stop completely. If you slip out you then have to stop and take a bit of time putting it back in, take an arm away from bracing and get back into position only for them to make a very slight movement and you slip out again, it's their first time they may find it too painful and bloody to continue, so your "memorable" first time may literally be to put it in thrust a couple of times and then be stopped by a girl who is in too much pain to continue. Even if you don't have to stop you have to be so careful and gentle that it just isn't enough to work for you especially if you've had a pre-wank to ensure you don't cum too quickly.
For a first time, you could do a hell of a lot worse than be with a girl who knows what she's doing. Is purity to you more important than good sex? Well then fine, keep up your goal then and see if it will happen for you, with the exact conditions that you have set for yourself. Perhaps you'll be one of the very few guys, who actually has a knack for it straight away and is with a girl who is equally as proficient. Perhaps you'll be one of the guys who gets with a virgin girl who doesn't feel really disappointed that sex isn't this magical romantic experience the first time but a messy, painful and bloody fumble.
My point is and it's what everyone as been saying, if you want to date a virgin you're better off forgetting this promise you made because being love will overshadow the awkwardness of the first time. If you want to fulfil your promise to yourself then either go pro or go for a girl who is experienced and more likely to make it a fairly enjoyable experience.
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female
reader, HippyChick  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 Take the girl that has agreed to sleep with you, away for the weekend that you have set aside in January. Don't worry about 'lasting' you will be doing it a few times over the weekend and it will get better each time, relax and enjoy.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 December 2011):
I dont think a virgin who dates a person who has had any number of sex partners looks like an idiot.. And I think you are the only one who would think that.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (31 December 2011):
 Also out of over 50,000 prostituted women, 92% HATE what they do and would get out if they had the means. Every ex prostituted woman I know refers to prostitution as pay-per-rape. So I would seriously caution against that.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (31 December 2011):
OP, you're still not listening to anything anyone who isn't sympathizing with you is saying. You have an obsession with this idea of sex politics and have this unbelievably unhealthy view of sex in general. There's no way you can have any kind of positive view of sex and still believe that having sex makes people basically worthless. What is it about sex that you think devalues people so badly?
I'm getting REALLY tired of saying this over, and over, and over, and over. There IS no fair or unfair. No one else cares if you are or aren't a virgin, no one expects that you be one or not be one and the only person this matters to is you. You have three choices OP. 1) you have sex when you want to, but you also have to be flexible about how many partners your partner has had. 2) you can hold out in the hopes you one day find someone else who is a virgin, but accept that what Cerberus said is true. 3) you get over your obsession about sex politics and stop worrying so much about what's fair and not fair about sex partners and just accept that sex does not impact a person's value or worth.
If you continue on your course of obsession with fairness and unfairness in sexual partners, I don't see any possible outcome where you don't feel resentment for someone's sexual history, be that your own or hers. If you're in college, chances are your school has a counselor you can see for free and there's no possible way it could be any harm. Worst case scenario, you wasted some time, best case scenario you come out able to enjoy life.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 December 2011):
 I see reading the many posts herein, i see some that some good supportive answers from a range of Aunts and Uncles. In some answer, cases. The first answer from some Uncles or Aunts.
By the way I am female,
And you have had anwers telling you to go ahead. Including some supportive answers from females.
I suggest you make that $500 booking for 31.12.2011
So that you can start 2012 as you mean to go on. With fireworks and all the bells and whistles etc. And yes, do choose a really nice hotel, as no matter what, you will remember exactly where it occurred.
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAresu- yeah I know that, I didnt proof read what i had wrote and I meant to write something else. It sounded different in my head.Sorry :).
I dont think I ever said that if I had sex that women should still remain chaste. I just said ,Why should it be fair that I be pure and women that I could possibly date be having sex? Dont you ever think that if a virgin where to date a girl who has had like 6 partners would seem like an idiot?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): I only skimmed through this and read all your replies. I'm going to make this easy on you OP because I don't feel the need to psychoanalyse you or try to convince you of the merits of holding on because this is a monkey on your back that just seems to be giving you a mountain of unnecessary hassle.
My advice, save up 500 bucks, get a nice but not too expensive hotel room and book a high end hooker for the night (somewhere it is legal to do so).
You will get a professional service, a girl who will do all the things you want to do. Won't care about your performance. Her performance will be excellent. She can teach you things, she will talk to you, she will be selected by you so will beautiful. High end means she's less likely to be trafficked, will probably enjoy her work and is less risk of STD's.
If you're waiting for a virgin to lose it to then you're going to be waiting a long time because the only girls your age that are virgins are deeply religious girls, very ugly girls (sorry but it's true) or girls that themselves are waiting for that special guy. With your confrontational attitude towards women you're better off going pro. And no one has to know except you.
You see it doesn't matter how many people tell you that sex isn't this amazing magically mystery you think it is, the only way you'll find out it's not a big deal in the slightest is to go do it. So just get it done with so you can move on from this and feeling this way.
You really have no other choice than to go to do it, you've been obsessing over this for what, 6 years? Making promises and all that stuff. Just go do it and if a pro is not what you want then you're better off taking one of those 25 previous partners girls up on their offer because I can tell you, you will be horrendously crap your first time, like we all were. You'll either pop your cork straight away, be too nervous to get it up, you'll be fumbling and awkward you may even accidentally hurt the girl. So go have sex, get it out of the way so you can move on with your life. It's not worth all this anguish and pain.
Your attitude towards women needs a bit of adjusting anyway, maybe once you've done this you'll understand they're not a separate species of alien creatures, they're the exact same as except they have tits and a vagina.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (30 December 2011):
OP you are obviously not here to listen to what anyone has to say and haven't listened to ONE WORD of what any aunt here is saying unless he gives you a pat on the head and the sympathy you feel you deserve for the torment you've suffered at the hands of women who had the audacity to have sex partners who aren't you. You seem to believe that if we don't fully agree with you, you can discredit and ignore everything that was said on the premise that we are women and couldn't possibly understand. It's not as though women have struggled with issues of sexual autonomy and virginity since the beginning of civilization (sarcasm).
We've said probably 30 times that there is no shame in having casual sex, even to lose your virginity and that if you feel it would improve your life that much, you should do it. But you are, and always will be, no matter what kind of double standard you use to justify it with, a hypocrite if you believe women should be held to a higher standard than you. And it's pretty clear that your problems will not be solved by getting laid once. We are not saying you are a hypocrite because you once had a set of values and are changing or altering them, because what people to do as they change/grow up. We are saying you are a hypocrite because you are only changing those values for yourself, while expecting everyone else to still remain chaste and "pure" for you. So while you have no problem casting judgement on ALL women for having so much as one other sex partner, you believe somehow it is OK to judge them while not not holding yourself to such an unreasonable standard.
If you want to have casual sex, you should go have casual sex. No one here is saying you should abstain or stay a virgin because WE have an issue with casual sex, but rather because you have expressed such a huge distain for non-virgins that we don't want to see you hurt yourself or compromise your own morals. But you cannot have casual sex and simultaneously believe that anyone else who does is somehow different from you and more deserving of criticism.
Your assumption that women have no problems with getting dates and partners is not based in any kind of reality. Maybe if you fixated less on the 1% of incredibly hot women you would see most women aren't being flooded with requests for dates and constantly asked to be someone's girlfriend, at least not outside of a harassment context. Everyone has problems finding a good partner. It's the main subject of many movies and books and TV shows because almost everyone can relate to how tough it is, male or female. This is not a problem unique to you nor is it something the universe has plotted against you nor is it even slightly unusual.
You seem to believe as well that you are entitled to sex and a great relationship and if you don't get it on your timescale, somehow all women are to blame for it. I know many people who were still virgins well into their 20's because they just hadn't found someone worth having sex with. Not for religious reasons or moral reasons, just because no one seemed worth it. And their penises didn't shrivel up and fall off, the women's vaginas didn't grow cobwebs and close up and no one was harmed in any way from it. It's sex. Not food, water, or even sleep. It's fun, but there is WAY more to life than sex politics.
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male
reader, aresu +, writes (30 December 2011):
"The reader Aresu clearly understands my predicament so dont say I only listen to men." I'm not sure if you mean that you think I'm a girl or if you are referring to something I said.
Just for the record im a guy, and by the way, I'm happy to see that I have been of help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChalice-Please dont be disrespectful and talk about things you do not know about. I love my mother and she has sacrificed so much for me. You are looking way to much into women vs me.I don't hate women, in fact I love the time I get to spend with them because they can have a conversation on a higher level than any of my guy friends. Im not playing the victim i am only trying to say what has made me make the choices I have concerning my virginity and to the point where i am now. The reader Aresu clearly understands my predicament so dont say I only listen to men. The female readers only see the side of what a female will want and not what i am trying to say.
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male
reader, aresu +, writes (29 December 2011):
Chigirl what I mean with the wasted time is not that I'm saying that waiting for someone special is hard work, what I'm trying to relate it to is to sacrifice, if you work hard for something and it doesn't accomplish anything then that was a sacrifice you did that didn't pay off, just like the sacrifice of the OP to wait to lose it to the right girl didn't pay off either, that's what I'm trying to relate it to, not the hard work with waiting or searching.
And I think that the universe conspiracy is been taken wrong, because is been taken literally, I'm pretty sure that when the OP sayed it, he was talking figuratively and doesn't mean it literally, at least that's the impression I got.
And back to the OP, there is one thing that you have it wrong, is not the women who think like that, not all of them think like that, and there are guys too, what I mean is that there might be a lot of women who think like that but that doesn't mean every woman does, but yea, a lot of them do are like that.
And I don't think agony aunts are being fair in thinking that you are a sex crazed person, and is angry because he can't get sex. No people, he is angry because he waited and tried to lose it and that didn't work out well for him and is understandable that if he won't be able to do it, then is fair for him to make his own experiences. But everyone is treating the OP like he was a contradictory hypocrite because apparently in the eyes of other person it looks like he is breaking his values of keeping sex pure because now he wants to have just casual sex, well that is because his values were for him to lose it to the right girl who was also saving her first time, if he won't be able to find a girl like that then he has no reason to keep holding them.
Some people are saying that at least a girl will appreciate it that he waited for her, and that would make her feel special, ok, cool, but what about him, wouldn't that have been nice for him to get it too?, because the commitment he wanted was to it to be from both sides, that's one of the things that make people hypocrite, they it will be nice for the girl who you end up with to know you waited for her, but what about them?, if they didn't wait I don't know why should you, the commitment the OP did it was because it would have been nice for both of them to have the exclusivity of each other, not only for her, and not only for him, but for both. And while some people are okay with it even if it is one sided benefit, well that's not what the OP wanted isn't it?.
And the reason why a lot of people will not fully understand this issue is because our society has become very sexually liberated and for most people this is perfectly fine and embrace it, and that doesn mean is bad, but is not for everyone, and sadly those are the minority and have a hard time getting the simpathy of the ones that do like it, and sadly this is very delicate even for the sexually liberated ones, because they take it so hard to try and relate that they become rude and disrespectful, if you want an example in this forum I rarely see people losing their temper in posts, except for the ones related to ones virginity, and the high views a lot of people have about it, I swear I'm already expecting people to lose their temper in this kind of threads.
And the problem is that people seem to forget how everyone is different, no, wait, that's not it exactly, what happens is that people seem to forget that a lot of this kind of things have different meaning from person to person, and even tough people say that they do remember it, they rarely take it into account, like for example for a lot of people having partners with past experience is good for them, because they are skilled in their sexual experience and for them it makes the experience more exciting and overall better for them, but for people like the OP that is worse, because it only serves to fill him with hurtful thoughts and regrets, regrets because he is the one who missed out because the girl wouldn't care either way, and if she did that would be even worse. What I'm trying to say is that everyone raeacts differently in the same circumstances, and is not because of insecurity ( I swear insecurity and ignorance is the excuse everyone uses nowadays, if the other person has something that he doesn't like about the other), and while insecurity in a lot of cases IS the reason, that's doesn't mean is every single time, is because people have different things in a relationship is very important for them, and they will reach strongly if they have to sacrifice them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): The problem with self pity and playing at being a victim; you then say you have no choice, no say, and no forgiveness and therefore, have no proactiveness.
Proactive-adj.-
1. tending to initage change rather than react to events.
2.(Psychology) Psychol of or denoting a mental process that affects a subsequent process
VICTIM:
Many people think they are entitled to good treatment. The truth is that they are neither entitled nor not entitled to it. The significant issues are what is going on and how do they feel about it. ... If you are being robbed, you don't sit around thinking, "This shouldn't be happening to me. It isn't right." Instead, you react. You may defend yourself, call the police or try to run away. Constructive action is the opposite of victimized brooding.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/200909/dont-play-the-victim-game
How does that work in regards to your situation?
Make any sense or bear any relevance?
I happen to read, discern, you have issues from your Mother and her use/teachings of Religion. You blame your choice to stay celibate on living a standard and whine and complain you are a victim and of what really?
What harm or relevance has your life consequences caused you that you are now some victim?
You hide behind that and I am sorry Mommy wasn't a loving warm woman that you now choose to point finger of blame at an entire Female oriented populace for something you do have control over.
You have choice to view what you do, how you do.
You currently make the choice to see yourself as a victim.
You have choice to change your 'status'.
You have choice to act, change not only your mindset, your attitude, but your life and life path.
You even made a decision about your virginity and want to act on it so what the HELL is the problem?
Things turn out best for people who...make the best of the way things turn out.~ John Wooden
Do not let things you cannot do, interfere with the things you can do. ~ John Wooden.
Since you put more stalk in what a Man has to say.
;)
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 December 2011):
PS. as for "relationship baggage" I ask you again to define what exactly this is. People with real "baggage", and by this I mean complications, often get them from troubled childhood or family, sexual assaults or accidents or illnesses. Not from past relationships. I think if someone has been cheated on multiple times that person can develop distrust (but they might not as well), but then again you can find distrustful people who have never been in a relationship before either. So what exactly is this "relationship baggage" all about?
Me personally wouldn't want to be with a man who has had NO relationship experience. Sorry OP, no offense. But I say this because all my 4 past relationships were with men who had no experience with long term relationships/any relationship experience at all (see, I didn't eliminate them for being virgins or not having had a girlfriend before). And I am tired of going through the same troubles, the same problems, and the same adjustment phases with them. So to me, relationship experience is welcomed, and not looked upon as a negative. It is a positive. Then again you need to remember that I am older than you, and have enough relationship experience to want someone with the equal amount of experience, or more experience, while girl your own age are still at the same phase as you.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 December 2011):
Aresu, we would have been doing something else with the wasted time? Waiting or searching for someone special to have in our lives isn't exactly like putting in hard work and time somewhere that could have been used elsewhere... is it?
Yes, tons of people wish they had something, then they don't get it. I would have wanted to meet the big love of my life, if there is such a thing, at a younger age and already have 3 kids with him. But hey, that didn't happen now did it. Sure I could have popped out kids at a very young age if THAT was what was important, just like the OP can have random sex with someone tomorrow if that's what HE wants. And I'm not telling him to "get over it", I never have. But you can't blame your life circumstances on some big universal conspiracy and take it for granted that you should have gotten everything in life that you point at. It doesn't work like that. What I AM saying is that the OP is free to do whatever he wishes, be that waiting for his special someone and HAVE his dreams come true, albeit at a later stage in life, or if losing his virginity at an earlier stage of life is MORE important to him than waiting. That's up to him to decide, and I never said he needs to "get over it", but what can you do? He hasn't found that special someone yet at his preferred time to have sex, but you need face facts. You haven't met that special someone yet, and if you want to have sex for the first time with someone special then you just have to wait longer! But it's no ones fault! Not the universe, not women world wide, not even a fault of your own. Some things just don't happen the way we'd prefer them to happen.
As for me, sure I'd love to have children at a young age, because I'd like to be a young mom. But what was way more important to me was the "special someone" to have these children with. Finding that person IS more important to me than just having children with any random person. So I think I know exactly what the situation is about, as my situation is precisely the same as the OP's, with the difference being having children with someone special/having sex with someone special.
Of course I don't understand what all this hazzle is about though, as I accept that things in life are out of your control, and you can't blame anyone for it either. If you haven't met that special someone then you haven't met them, now what are you going to do about it? Just decide whats more important to you, having random sex or having sex with someone special. There's no further mystery or complication to it.
About women choosing their dating partner that is all wrong. Just shows how delusional you have become about this. Women don't choose their dates any more than men do. In your exact same example, say this girl gets 10 messages from guys and she gets to pick and choose. Sounds great? No. She gets to pick and choose from 10 guys that chose HER. SHE didn't pick which 10 guys would message her. So the GUYS were the ones who chose her in this example of yours. And plenty of women have come to realize that they are the ones who need to make the first moves when they aren't being chosen by their love interest.
And for the record, I've never heard of a man or woman being eliminated for being a virgin, and can't imagine it unless they've broadcasted it in the open and the rejecters were only interested in the short term flings. People who are serious about you will take you seriously, virgin or not. You aren't being eliminated, you are eliminating the undesirable ones. You wouldn't want to be with someone who judges you for being a virgin anyway, because such a person is just stupid. Like I said, never heard of that happening. But then again, I never heard of anyone judging someone for their high number of sexual partners either. I don't count what's being said on dearcupid, I'm only referring to real life situations now. Just goes to show how extremely different real life situations are vs online imaginary situations.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Hi OP
I get the impression that the posters are being supportive of you and your intentions. Some of them are just suggesting caution. Perhaps they do not want to see you hurt.
re the article others recommended first I tried to look at it and failed.
I could not get the link to work so I went back and searched for the article through the archives to see if it was still there. It was posted on 15 November 2010 and I got the link to work by putting the link below into Google.com. So good luck
to http://www.dearcupid.org/question/spicing-up-your-sex-life.html
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 Oh for Pete's sake, OP, the sacrifices you are making ? ... yes , tell us OP, we do not understand. What sacrifices are you making ?... It's just SEX. You are not being deprived of your health or livelihood or freedom, you are not being forcibly separated by your loved ones .You are just being celibate for longer than you'd have liked. I bet you are in good company, with plenty of men - AND women - who are currently single, divorced or widowed.Now don't get me wrong, sex is a powerful and important force in life, and I have used along the years quite a bit of energies pursuing it / practicing it / thinking about it. That's precisely why I know what I am talking about and I tell you : stop the drama ! Being ( temporary , because you are still young ) sexless is not like being deprived of food, water, air, a limb... so stop acting as if it were ! Like I said, it's up to you holding out or not- a very personal choice, and I don't think that we Aunts should be too severe with a hormonal , peer pressured young man- but if you DO happen, for whatever reason, to hold out, don't make it sound as if not getting laid is sheer torture and your life is not worth living without . Also you are working on the wrong assumptions . Sorry to be brutal , but maybe girls reject you because you are YOU ( and not to their liking for whatever reason ), not because you are a virgin ( why do you even have to tell them right away ?? ).Personally, I married a guy that I had met when he was a 23 y.o. virgin, and while, MANY years down the road , we missed the " happily ever after ", that had absolutely nothing to do with his initial and temporary lack of experience. Which, in fact, a smart girl could see as a bonus : the perfect occasion to "train " and fashion out for herself a lover JUST like she likes to a tee....
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAresu thank you so much, you were spot on in conveying my thoughts and emotions. The reason these women cant understand is because they are women and they do not know what sacrifices as a male iam making. I truly do appreciate your understanding and your response made me feel alot better in knowing there is someone who understands my situation :). What women don't realize is that they are the ones who get choose there dating partner. For example: Say a girl decides to join a dating website and in the first week she gets over 10 messages from different guys. She gets to decide on who to response too because women have that power of control. Now how is this relevant to me , well women pass me up all the time simply because im not playing the field and doing sexual things. Now I cant even get on the field because no one will even give me a chance because I chose to stay a virgin thus eliminating myself every time. If I take this offer now then it will finally let women know that im playing the field.
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reader, aresu +, writes (29 December 2011):
the answers you are getting OP shows that they dont understand you at all. people are big hypocrites, telling you how wrong and immature you are, when you were saving yourself and keeping a good head and knowing how you wanted your first time to be, and to just expect you to get over it when all you have been working for has been for nothing.
that is unfair, and yes fairness do exist, a lot of concepts about right or wrong come from fairness, imagine if a teacher didnt pass you just because he doesnt like you, and only because of that, wouldnt that be unfair?, would you just have to accept it because is just something that happens?, maybe thats not the best of examples but even in something as simple as that fairness exists, even in love life, a lot of relatuonships end everyday because someone does something that is unfair to the other, and it goes from there.
another thing that i see other agony aunts tell you is that if you do it you are contradicting youself because that is not what you values tell you, but this just further proves that they dont understand your predicament at all, one develops values that they know is good for them, because the consequencess are good for them, in this case is the choice you kept about wanting to lose your virginity with someone who also is going to lose it, and then you later find out that it was just for nothing, because that didnt happen.
i wonder how would they feel if they had something that they worked so hard to get, and doesnt matter how hard they tried, in the end they couldnt get it, and they couldnt get it now because is too late, i bet they would have wished they didnt try if they werent going to get it anyways, they would have been better doing something else with that wasted time, is the same for your situation, now that you will never get it and was for nothing, is understandable that you want to do all the things you couldnt because of the sacrifices you had to make for something that didnt work out.
so my oppinion is to just lose your virginity already with anyone, because now at this stage of your life is very unlikely that you get someone who will also give you their virginity, and as you see people WILL give you a hard time for it, it doesnt matter if you are a virgin and is fair if you want the same sacrifice done for you as you have done for your partner.
in the end if you manage to find a good girl and she had a sexual past you will be the one who didnt enjoy life while everyone else seems to be doing now and you will be the poor fool who just waited for someone to come along with more experience and you giving them the nice bonus of knowing that you are free of relatonship baggage while you will be full of hurtful toughts about her past.people will say that that you both are together then there is nothing more to be concerned with, well if thats true, then go ahead and have your own flings then, because acording to their logic in the end the past doesnt matter and only matters that you both are together, and this way you will ate least be equal and wont have to be the one that ended up sacrificing himself for nothing.
so that what i have to say, depending of your answers or other agony aunt answers i will elaborate more later.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (28 December 2011):
No one on here is saying you HAVE to wait for "the one" (if there even is such a thing) or even someone special. I didn't wait for "the one" and I don't regret it at all. What we are telling you? That if you expect to find a woman who will wait until marriage or is a virgin when you meet and won't accept less, then you also have to wait. I don't think that's necessarily what you should do, but for some reason the idea of a woman with any kind of history with anyone else seems to disgust you and you aren't going to "request" such a thing without holding yourself to the same high standard.
And given how much you yourself revile women with any sexual history (surely you don't think you're the only one), I find your claim that it is MEN expected to be chaste while women go around sleeping with everyone and everything to be laughable. The average number of sex partners a man has during life is still 3 higher than for women.
Like ChiGirl I also didn't have a boyfriend until 19. Does that mean I think all men are evil and the universe is conspiring against me? Of course not. You're very young to be acting like your entire life is over because you haven't had sex. There's a lot more to life than sex. If you put more focus on that (your whole life) and less on sexual history politics, I think you'll a) have a lot easier time connecting with women and b) be a lot happier.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (28 December 2011):
I don't understand. You are very focused on yourself and not looking at the big picture. There's no "fair" or "unfair" about things in life, you get what you get and work with what you've got. Some get lucky, others don't, but you can't be sukling about it either, because sulking and complaining will get you nowhere.
You point out that it's not fair that you with no baggage (as far as you think yourself) should be with a woman with baggage. And then you twist this into sounding like ALL women come with baggage. Or that you can't ever find a woman with no baggage. Men come with baggage too, believe it or not... Women without baggage themselves put up with just as much baggage as you imagine you have to put up with. But the big problem here is that you are talking about imaginary women with imaginary baggage. Where are these women? Have you met them? What is "baggage" to you and how do you know if some things are acceptable or not, when you are talking about imaginary women who you might or might not have imaginary relationships with?
If you DO find a woman who is interested in you who DOES have baggage, then come on here, describe the situation, and then judge if that baggage is too much for you or not. But not all women come with baggage just because some do, and not all baggage is the same baggage either. When you haven't SEEN or MET a woman with "baggage" then.. well, honestly you don't know what you are talking about. I mean that when faced with a real life situation you will probably think differently.
Example, most virgin guys are overly occupied with their penis, the size of it, and whether or not it is big enough to satisfy a woman. Most guys who have had sex in a relationship (not just one night stands) have come to realize that size doesn't matter after all. But virgins who never experienced this for themselves find it near impossible to comprehend. I'm not saying you are concerned about your penis size, it's just an example.
You also say women say they want a guy like you, then reject you, and you think that at the age of 18-21 you know it all. You don't. You have met a few women, you have a certain idea about what they want, but obviously there's a mismatch here. Does that mean that the women you have met represent ALL women? No, it doesn't. Does this also mean that no woman knows what she wants? No, doesn't mean that either. Tons of young and immature girls might still be experimenting and dating to figure out what they want, but tons of women also have a pretty clear idea right from the start. And, men are JUST AS CLUELESS about what they want. I have heard tons of guys describe me in a nutshell, yet are uninterested. Why you might ask? Because no matter what they say they want, there still needs to be chemistry. A connection. A sparkle in the eye perhaps, good conversation and getting along. Simply meeting base criteria isn't ever enough, and for both genders most of the time our idea about what we want changes through experience. So you just have to go with the flow on that one.
I didn't have my first real boyfriend until I was 19 and I never sulked about not having met someone special until then either. Others meet the special someone later in life. Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it never will... You're way too young to be so pessimistic.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLook im only human so yes its bound to be that my body feels things that I or any other person cant control because if there was a way I wouldn't be here asking for advice. Ive had many excellent responses from all of you ladies and gentlemen but what seems to be misunderstood is that im in this situation because im one of the unlucky few that has been left behind in the dating world. From my own personnel experience ive found that women say they want a guy like me but when I make a move to get in a relationship I get rejected. It could be just the women I choose to date or it could just be bad luck but what I want to get across is that I dont wanna look back and regret not living life. I read stories on here of these poor gentlemen who save themselves for the one, only to regret it or that they find themselves with women with tons of baggage while they have none. How much sense is that that a woman can have multiple partners, while I have none? I know it sounds weird and I know if any body that reads this is like me then you understand.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (28 December 2011):
Sadly?
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reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 December 2011):
 I think that our original poster deserves an award for most followups by an anonymous poster. It has been a good topic, sadly it is over now and we will have to find something else to talk about.ThanksFA
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reader, chigirl +, writes (27 December 2011):
Oh please, you're living in fantasy land. Who ever met their "one true love" or whatever you want to call it while they were teenagers? Extremely few that is. Most meet as they grow older... What, if I was to follow your logic I might as well not date at all, supposedly, since I'm older than you and haven't met anyone to stick to for life yet. Guess I should curl up in a corner and cry and blame the universe. Problem with guys like you is that you take things for granted. You think somehow life "owes" you eternal love and happiness whenever YOU want it, and if it hasn't happened yet by such and such time then you grow bitter and full of hatred as if something was taken away from you, something you deserved that hasn't been granted you. You're calling others hypocrites, but you are the one who is horny and want to get laid, yet acting as if people who just have sex to have sex is somehow below you (yet they do exactly what you are eager to do). You're just like everyone else, you want sex, and you haven't found a meaningful relationship yet so if you are tired of waiting then go for it. Sure, there's no problem having random sex, if thats what you want. But don't think that you someone have been robbed of something you deserve, that the universe is holding love away from you or something. You haven't met someone you can build a relationship with yet.. that's all. No magic trick or universal conspiracy. Look it's simple, if you want to wait to have sex with someone who matters to you then wait. If you don't want to wait any longer then don't. But you can't be blaming God or the universe for not having met someone special yet, and you can't be expecting that you somehow deserve true love either. Love isn't a human right, you earn it and you fight for it, and some get it. But no one is guaranteed to have it.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 December 2011):
Wow, so you have figured out how the Universe works, and it speaks to you in "signs " language. Quite impressive.
Listen, ...it's our fault.I don't even know why we all are giving you so much attention, when the case is so simple. You are a sexually frustrated horny guy with poor impulse control, which at your age is perfectly understandable . If you want to get laid, that's normal- even if perhaps not too wise or nice or romantic in what the circumstances would be, and you don't need to build a lot of social-psychological -philosophical-moral theories about it.
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reader, Abella +, writes (27 December 2011):
I do hope you enjoy the experience and I hope that you also ask her for some flirting tips and some kissing tips to make it a really memorable experience. Good sex is not like driving a car. it is not just a mechanical exercise or a "let's do the time walk again", ie it's not just a step to right etc.
Good sex has emotional content. So if the first time is not optimal then don't lose heart.
Hone your flirtingskills and remember you catch more with honey than with vinegar.
If you need more support then please come back for more. There was an article I thought might suit your situation, but I see it's been recommended here already so two other posters have thought of that before me.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not depressed, and talking to a therapist would do nothing because there is nothing to fix.What would I tell them? That women have treated me like dirt or that me saving myself for someone who has already had like 3 partners is stupid. Women are the biggest hypocrites in this world saying they want this when they get that etc? After all that talking with a therapist im going to be right where I started, still wanting to have sex. Im going through with this because the universe has allowed this to happen. If it was meant for me to lose it to someone special it would have already happened,I would have met this person. So unless the universe wants me to not do it, it has about two weeks to stop it. I highly doubt it though so here goes nothing.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (25 December 2011):
Number of sexual partners and STD's are not linked. The conenction is never between how many partners you've had, the connection is between STD's and whether or not you've used a condom and practiced safe sex. A virgin, or a person just performing oral sex, is just as likely to have herpes or gonhorrea or HIV as teh next person. A person who has had 1 sexual partner, and a person who has had 100 sexual partners are both just as likely to have just as many STD's.
The difference is in whether or not you've had unprotected sex.
You have added much meaning to the number of sexual partners here, unrealistic expectations and idealistic views not rooted in experience or reality. Such thoughts will prove to be limiting you, and holding you back in life. I also suggest therapy, because when a person builds up these unrealistic ideals of the world they often get trapped in their own thoughts, and this can quickly lead to depression, unless you are already there. Get help, there is no shame in asking for help. Figure out what is best for you through conversation with a professional.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (22 December 2011):
 Exactly Fatherly Advice,The things needed to lose your virginity and have good sex at the same time may be lacking due to the posters views about sex, virginity and women. Bring a condom, that's all I can say, but this arrangement for sex with some friendly girl may not solve your problem. The usual advice I give out regarding 1st time sex doesn't seem appropriate in this situation.
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reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (22 December 2011):
7 days is a very long time for a thread on Dear Cupid. I enjoyed reading this one and all the answers on both sides. Those of you who have read me often Know that I am in the Monogamy camp. I have a strong belief that sex is best when it is part of a committed relationship. Our original question was what to bring to a first encounter. My advice would be Trust. It is the most important thing to have when you are going to lay it all out. If you cant absolutely trust this girl, find someone else. Many people find that they get hurt having casual sex. OK that's my answer to the original question. Now to the main point of the ongoing discussion. Whether there is any value to this young man in maintaining his virginity.
He is right that age, his gender, the acceptance of promiscuity in current culture all affect this equation. It is correct that most girls over his age will not expect virginity, but would think of it as a nice benefit. On the other hand what does he get from playing the field, experiencing life, etc.? He has already called his old friend a fraternity doormat for doing what he wants to do. That alone makes me wonder how well he is thinking this out. In other words if find a certain behavior contemptuous, then don't do it. Happiness comes from doing the things that you personally believe are right. If you break faith with yourself you will be unhappy.
Part 3
My perception of the "real" problem. The real problem is not whether or not our original poster does the deed. The real problem is what has brought him to this point. His often stated belief that there is no chance of him finding a strong romantic relationship. The reason he is getting his ticket punched now is because he has given up hope for anything else. All the arguments of what some future relationship could offer are wasted on him because there is no relationship. He is only concerned with himself and what is best for him. I personally don't believe that a random sexual encounter is best for him.
At the place where he is now: Having no hope. Having contempt for women. Thinking only of what is best for himself. He is in no condition to be in a relationship. I would suggest therapy before continuing.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBecause Person 12345- I cant win no matter what I do. I want to have sex and women tell me not to because its demoralizing to have sex just to have it yet those same women hold it against me for being a virgin and don't give me a chance. Very contradicting indeed.
Chigirl- I will not end up like those guys who get with girls who have had like 20 sex partners. And yes Actually Stds and number of sex partners are actually linked together. I dont care if that girl was my soul mate its ridiculous and I would leave in a heartbeat.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (22 December 2011):
Well, difference in opinion then. I don't see a person as "used up" at any stage. We're not cans of peas you know... people are people, not objects.
I think you would benefit from digging into this and think about why you feel a person is used up if they have had more than 2 partners. What is used up? Their penis? Their vagina? There's not room for more? Are you worried about STD's? Because a person who has only had 1 partner, or even a virgin, can have an STD while a porn star can be clean. STD's and number of sexual partners is not related to each other.
Are you worried about people carrying extra baggage from previous relationships?
Try not to think so much about the numbers here. Try instead to get to know a person, and see them for who they are, before you start prying into their number of sexual partners. Then see what happens. As of now you are merely assuming things about people you have yet to meet, and while you think you might not want it, you haven't yet had a chance to meet and talk to these people. Reality is often far from what we imagine things to be like. So don't jump ahead of yourself, take things as they come instead.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (22 December 2011):
I suppose then you will be using one of only two chances on your punchcard. Does that mean if the next person you have sex with isn't your soulmate you never get to have sex again?
If you believe sex is what is keeping you from being happy or makes you happy, then how can it simultaneously be such a horrible thing to do? There's nothing wrong with having sex or having lots of sex or having casual sex. If you want to go out and have lots of casual sex, you should just go do it and stop worrying so much about what is or isn't an acceptable number. The number of sex partners you have doesn't impact who you or anyone is as a person. No amount of any kind of sex can impact a person's "worth" or make them "used up."
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay you do realize im talking about both male and female. I never said just girls. I guess either I wasn't clear enough or your choosing to ignore what I said. I do see women as people but its clear women see me as nothing more than just a doormat aka,"nice guy" and nice gets you nothing but a night alone. I want to do this for me because I deserve to be happy. Clearly im miserable because I have prevented myself from having sex and waiting for the so called right girl will only make her happy. Its not hard to decide whats more important, me or a girl in the future(that could possibly have already given herself to countless people).
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChi girl im talking about how since im in my early twenties that most girls and guys have at least 2 sexual partners in their lives at that point. I have a feeling that when I do meet someone its going to be in my late Thirties when by then 2 sexual partners turn into like 4 or more and that too me is used up.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (21 December 2011):
If you can't fight 'em, join 'em? Is that your strategy? You couldn't find someone who is also a virgin, so you need to go to a "used up" woman and get used up yourself?
By the way, even if you did find a virgin to have sex with wouldn't that mean you both are used up at then end?
You have an unhealthy view of sex and the body. The body and the person is never used up just because they've had sex before. There's nothing used up about it. Young people with a healthy sex interest still have years and year and decades of sex to come in their lives, so nothing is used up there...
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reader, person12345 +, writes (21 December 2011):
So someone who has sex before you is used up, but you're planning on doing the same to yourself. I'm assuming if you met a woman later who said she'd slept with a random guy to get it over with you'd dump her, according to your current standards. If you put so much of a prize on virginity, you have to be willing to hold yourself to the same level.
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reader, adamantine  +, writes (20 December 2011):
 You can choose to wait, and hold yourself accountable to the promise you made to yourself before, or you can have sex now and get it over with.
You just have to bear in mind that if you do choose the latter option, you will have to lower your standard in women as well. When you do eventually find "the one", she will come with a past just like yourself. And that, is something you'll need to not take to heart. You have to ask yourself before you do anything, if you'd be okay with falling in love with someone who has been with people before you.
My boyfriend didn't wait, and from time to time I get those little thoughts in the back of my mind, nagging at me and causing me to question myself. Was I not good enough to wait for? Am I better than those girls before me? And then I remind myself that he is with my for a reason, and if he truly favoured them over me, we wouldn't be together. I do try my best to stay positive. It's not easy though, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
This is why you just need to consider what you want from your future before you consider what you want from your NOW. Too many people are all about me, me, me. Now, now, now. I want it now. You have to bear in mind that everything you do has a consequence, whether it be good or bad, and whether it be sudden, or in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioniamhere-Being 16 its so easy to have a positive attitude towards finding someone because time seems non-existent. Let me tell you growing up and going to college you will see change in the friends around you. I had a friend like you with such a positive attitude, she was so happy, just like I was and both of us had the mentality to wait until we found someone to have sex. College changed her just as it did all my friends, they went on and experienced that part of life while I was just stuck in neutral. We are no longer friends because we had nothing in common and she became a frat house doormat. I feel so alone and to be honest I have given up looking for the so called "one". The reason I want to do this because I know for a fact that I will never find a women like me and only find women who are used up. SO if I never find a girl that's a virgin and I cant have sex with women that are then where does that leave me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou dont know me but if you did then you would say iam a nice guy. i dont go around being negative with people. People say iam a fun, nice guy to be around. granted though im not loving because the way i was raised. so showing my emotions is hard and when i try comes off wrong. The whole reason im in this predicament is because of religion. im an atheist but when i was raised to follow "Gods" word to the T. Now here iam caught between wanting to experience life and my old self.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): The whole arguement about FAIR mentality is that when each person on the Earth has the same gift of FREE AGENCY- how do you really expect life to be fair? Define FAIR. That it be conformed, controlled to your will? No, not really fair afterall.
Life comes down to how you live your life and how you CHOOSE to see yourself as some victim, martyr, or you are Entitled.
People pick up on this mentality and its not a healthy or FAIR attitude or mindset so I can totally see what might be turning women off from you.
This form of thought processing cannot be hidden. It comes out in words, body language, facial expressions, and INTENT.
You cannot be a happy individual and spread good cheer and invite in others with such a mindset. Positive energy draws positive engery. Negative repells and takes in negative.
I certainly have a hard time being around sulky, angry, miserable individuals. Its hard to be charitable towards them because it is NEVER good enough for such individuals.
I suspect you are one of those individuals based on your reasoning and 'arguements'.
Its not the world, its not the people in it. Its you and your choice to believe it is unfair.
What are you, three?
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (19 December 2011):
 Your obsession with finding a virgin today is unrealistic, in my opinion.
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reader, adamantine +, writes (19 December 2011):
It's not about being a saint.
There's no wonder you haven't found anyone to connect with. Any girl you come across is probably put off because you're so negative about life and towards women in general. If you automatically count yourself out, well then you've counted yourself out and it's not going to change unless you or the way you view yourself does.
Anyway, best of luck OP. Here;s to no STI's or pregnancies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not chastising women because many of them aren't virgins. Im just saying that me being a virgin and 21 years old has left me with a small percentage of women to choose from. The odds are against me in so many ways if I would continue to chose my current lifestyle. I have always respected women and iam a gentlemen who thinks that men too should be virgins until a serious relationship but the world has changed in so many ways that its hard to keep this menatlity up. Really how is it fair if I were to start to date someone in the future that she isn't a virgin but gets to date me a person who is pure. How fair is it that I have to remain a virgin and not experience life while the opposite sex gets too?
Maverick494- Every single girl I have talked to and (believe me when I say this) have tried to date(quiet, loud, skinny, little rounded, shy, ect) turned out to be liars. Believe me the world seems like its against me and doesn't want me to ever be in a good relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): I understand you already made a decision so it matters not what we women say. Even though we represent what a possible future woman you find and love would have hoped someone would have cautioned and counselled you to do;)
So that was done.
I find it sad that its men who WANT a woman to not be experienced when they find and marry them but a man can still play the field or as someone eloquently refered to a womans genitalia, nice derogatory P word there btw, and not so much her as a person- NICE.
At least its not a gentleman trying to instill in you to still be a respectful, gentleman about it all.
So really, why do you care?
Safe sex. After all its just virginity and it will be over in what, 5 minutes? So whats the big deal?
and who cares if she may wonder why you aren't performing all night- shes just a pussy.
Niiiiiice.
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (18 December 2011):
Having enjoyed the company of many women, I can assure you that few, if any, will be faithful to you. Sorry if I sound negative, but it is based on lots of experience. If you have a chance to get laid, then do it. All this stuff about saving your virginity for "the one" is bull. A nice idea, but my advice is to get all the pussy you can, until married, then be a faithful husband . . .
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (18 December 2011):
Thanks for the follow up OP, but I don't think this negative attitude is realistic. While I agree that the ideal of losing one's virginity to someone you deeply care for is not something achievable for everyone, there are lots of decent, nice girls out there. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I've judged people unfairly before and found out that that superficial Britney clone in my class was actually a really nice and funny gal. Etc. You really have to watch out for first impressions, because they can be the complete opposite of what that person is really like. I've fallen on my face many times because of that, especially because I naively thought I was a good judge of character.
But as I said, if you're really dead set on losing your virginity this way, do it. Just make sure you have the right expectations going into this: you may find out that losing virginity did not really change anything at all. If you really want to learn something from this experience, make sure you both have a good time. Focus on pleasing each other rather than 'performing'.
Good luck and remember, attitude makes a world of difference in finding the girl you want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot all of us are blessed to find and connect with people. Ive stopped caring long ago and I don't like anyone and never will. I shut all emotions because women can be full of it and Online dating is a scam and really only favors women. Its pretty obvious if in those 5 years I didn't find anyone that the next 5 will be the same, so whats the point in saving myself for someone who is imaginary. It makes no sense because I could be living life instead of trying to be this saint.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): I really could not recommend that you throw away your virginity on a girl who you hardly know.
You have come this far.
And your first time should be a wonderful experience with a girl you really adore. So it has real meaning. So you enjoy all the cuddles and the promise of more cuddles.
And gazing into her eyes and touching her and feeling butterflies dancing inside you knowing you are seeing her again.
So many do not get the chance to make their first time memorable a special.
The actual act of losing your virginity can be over quickly.
It is the slow tantalising build up to the main course and then the wonderful promise of more to come
And it should not be wasted on someone who is not really important to you and who you really care about and want that person to become something more in your life.
There are also so many ways to enjoy loving a person you like, so why not start with the person who you want to go on to more with in the first place? Some tips are below.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/spicing-up-your-sex-life.html.
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reader, adamantine +, writes (18 December 2011):
You've held on to your virginity for this long. If you have sex with some girl you "don't really know but is cool", it's probably not going to be very exciting. And then you'll question yourself as to why you even waited in the first place for something so mediocre and disappointing.
I lost my virginity at 20. I waited for the right person to come along, and he did, and it was amazing, and we have such a good relationship which I'm so thankful for. The sex between us is incredible because we know each other like the back of our hands. I know what he likes/doesn't like, so I'm able to make it the best experience for him, and vice versa.
Its really up to you, and all we can do is try and give you some advice. But I would honestly give it some time. If there's no girls in your area, try looking online. Sex is not all its cracked up to be if it's not with the right person.
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reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (16 December 2011):
 Don't buy into society's BS about virginity being a negative thing. Be above this. Do not subject yourself to someone who means nothing to you. Respect yourself because if you don't, NO ONE ELSE WILL.
Nothing is wrong with being a virgin. When you know it is worth it, then do it. But if you have doubts and do it anyway, then you'll join the rest of the sad individuals searching for that real connect hoping it will make up for all the false ones who used and abused you. It's a shared heartache.
Nothing that glamorous about carrying the burden of failed relationships and meaningless experience. ;)
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (15 December 2011):
Read this article for some insight: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/spicing-up-your-sex-life.html
It would be most preferable to lose it to someone whom you care about a lot, but sometimes virginity can become such an issue in one's head it actually makes the problem worse because it makes you feel isolated, insecure and alone, which makes it harder to find that worthwhile person. If you're dead set on this, go for it. And yes, do read the article, also for future reference.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell for one im 21 years old already. The longer I wait the less time I have to experience life. Believe me when I tell you that im pretty sure im not going to find anyone in the town I live in. Pretty much filled with lame girls that get passed around and since im already 21 all the good ones are already taken.Im ready to live life because who knows maybe tomorrow ill gone so I want to live it to the fullest.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (15 December 2011):
My advice is to wait for someone you care about. What sense is there in losing it just for the sake of losing it?
If you're really set on it though, don't worry about lasting long or performance. You won't be able predict what it will feel like, so just focus on enjoying it and the new sensations. It's possible you will finish very quickly, and that's ok, lasting is a skill that takes time to develop and I'm sure if she knows you're a virgin, she isn't expecting a marathon. Just relax and enjoy it. And like the other poster said, right at first go slower than you think you need to. It also would make it easier to get some lube.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): I'm with Anonymous 123! Just because you made the pledge you did when you were 16 doesn't mean you can't go back on it now. I daresay you've changed rather a lot within the past five years. And since you've held out for this long...
Okay, of course it's ultimately your decision. But I've been in a similar position to you, and I'm glad I waited for someone who actually meant something (well, a lot!) to me. Good luck with whatever you decide though :)
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reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (15 December 2011):
 I would say wait for the right girl because "This girl who I really don't know but seems cool offered to take it from me" is like the biggest anti-climax (no pun here!) ever!!
If you've waited to have sex for so long, do it with the right person, otherwise no amount of preparation will be of any use. Unless its with the right person in a loving relationship, its just the physical act without any meaning. Why would you want to do that?
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reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (15 December 2011):
 Lucky duck lol I was never offered but managed to still lose it at the pathetic age of 25. My advice. Dont beat off for at least two days. Bring rubbers shell expect u to be inexperienced which is fine man so if u want ti build confidence work on things youre good at with her. Good luck. Dont drown her :p
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reader, wiser now +, writes (15 December 2011):
You seem to be dreading what can only be described as an awesome and wonderful part of life... Relax... don't get flustered or nervous. Select a comfortable, quiet and private seating... a hotel if neigher of you have a place. No booze or drujs. Showering or bathing toggether is a good start...just be sure you're shaved and clean.Foreplay is very important... hugging, kissing, touching, sucking her nipples will stimulate both of you. Oral sex is also a possibility. When the moment comes to enter her go slowly.... even then you may not be able to control yourself more than a few seconds... (if you're really attracted to this girl your ability to hold off will be short lived.Don't let this worry you... enjoy your orgasm...And after a rest and more foreplay your erection will return ... and ... your ability to hold off much longer will make her very happy.. and you too!..One more tip.. leave a light on or a shade open..... you will enjoy sex much more when you can see her...
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (15 December 2011):
You may not last very long, but don't worry. All else should come fairly naturally. Just go in and out. If the girl is experienced, as would seem, based on her offer, then she will likely help guide you. Don't count on her living up to the offer, however. If she does, then do what comes naturally and wear the rubber to prevent unwanted pregnancy.
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