A
female
age
41-50,
*ellsee
writes:The guy im having sex with will start to choke me or pin me down right before im going to orgasim. if i push his hand away from my neck or move away from his hold he will stop and hold back for a bit. then it starts all over again. he wont let me get off it seems unless i allow him to choke me or restrain me. The last time i tld he to stop and make me happy. nothing still same deal why? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): I will chime in here to say, get rid of this guy for good. Anyone who starts domination or choking etc. in sex without first discussing whether this is ok or not and who then continues it when you try to stop it is mentally disturbed in some way.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 Wow . Aren't you SCARED ?...
David Carradine , I'm told, died because of erotic choking games. It was a masturbatory choking game, so he was alone ( and killed himself rather than a partner ). But it goes to show how these things may spin out of control and end up very badly. Particularly with a partner who does not respects your limits and your no !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 January 2012):
 I'm with Chigirl, WHY are you letting him? Heck that guy wouldn't get another roll in the hay with me.
Down right sick.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): Report him to the police. You don't know if this guy has a history of sex crimes against women. He hasn't respected your boundaries and goes ahead and chokes you WITHOUT your consent. This action falls under domestic violence as well as rape in that choking can prove forcible and harming.I would CEASE any and all contact IMMEDIATELY and report him.NO IS NO. DON'T. Doesn't make me happy. It scares you. You don't like it. Any of these statements worded and even if you show struggle which I imagine happens when he forcibly chokes you and is a part of his sadism.Are all signs you are being sexually assaulted/raped.PLEASE SEEK IMMEDIATE HELP via your nearest Hospital, or family Doctor.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 January 2012):
 Sounds like he can't get off without knowing he's hurting and controlling you. Do you want to be with someone who thinks it's OK to hurt you to fulfill his sexual fantasies?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): Choking during sex, especially when near an orgasm can have uplifting, or heightened sensitivity.
Taking a quick rough quote from wiki; "The carotid arteries (on either side of the neck) carry oxygen-rich blood from the heart to the brain. When these are compressed, as in strangulation or hanging, the sudden loss of oxygen to the brain and the accumulation of carbon dioxide can increase feelings of giddiness, lightheadness, and pleasure, all of which will heighten masturbatory sensations."
So basically he could be using this because he has either done it in the past with someone else who enjoyed it, has watched some hardcore porn where posnstars enjoy doing it (typically they will be professionals who agree what they can and cannot do before a shoot) and thought he could try it with you.
i'm assuming the idea behind it is to make you have a more intensifying orgasm which he contributed to, as well as the regular penetration experience which would make him feel better about his performance.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 January 2012):
 because it gets him hot... if you dont' like it then you need to tell him NO if he can't comply then you are sexually mismatched and need to consider ending the relationship.
we actually use a bit of retraining and choking play in our sex live but we BOTH Find it stimulating....
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 My boyfriend used to do this when we first became intimate. He likes to dom, I like to sub, but I just can't stand having hands around my throat. I told him to stop because it would make me very anxious and I wouldn't enjoy the sex. Since I told him, he has stopped and everything is just peachy now :)
You need to tell him to stop if you're uncomfortable with it. Speak up, don't be afraid.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): Why don't you ask him why he does it OP? Seems pretty logical doesn't it?
Why does he do it? In my opinion because he wants to control you, hurt you and treat you like a "dirty little bitch" that he can hurt and do anything he wants to. Sorry to put it that way but that's what he seems to get off on.
If you want him to stop then sit him down and tell him not to do it again, it really is that simple and if he ever does it again after that conversation then run as far away as you can because that will show that he's not afraid to go beyond the level of consent when it comes to sex.
If you ask me this guy has major issues when it comes to sex and women. Pain and domination are natural for a lot of people but it has to be a 100% consensual and agreed upon thing to be any way acceptable.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 Uhm... the question is rather this: why are you with a guy who tries to choke you and restrain you while you have sex?
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A
female
reader, TashaLoves117 +, writes (6 January 2012):
Uh.... he sounds like a creep and seems very dangerous. I suggest you stop having sexual relations with this guy or the next time you might not make it out alive. (Not even kidding)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): I agree with the other two agony aunts.. if I tell someone stop and he doesn't, well he's an ass regardless of the reasons why he does something. Maybe he watched too much stupid porn. But this is not your problem, and you can find better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): You just have to let go of that kind of sex partner,do you want to kill yourself think about it,what if he chokes you to death what will you tell God lol,serouisely there are guys like that,who love crazy sex,but not to the detriment of your health,these decision is yours to make,sex is what we are suppose to enjoy not choking and pinning you.goodluck
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A
female
reader, Claraw1 +, writes (6 January 2012):
 You need to find a new guy to have sex with. He isn't respecting when you say no and it's a very dangerous situation to be in. He doesn't respect you because if he did he wouldn't be doing this when you say no. For your own safety you should end this now.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (6 January 2012):
 Sounds like you need to find a new guy to have sex with, this one isn't listening when you say "No" which indicates a lack of respect for you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 January 2012):
To be honest, this sounded a bit creepy. Some people do get turned on by restraining and such, but when you told him to stop, he didn't. That's creepy.
Maybe this guy is controlling or something.
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