| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 14 November 2011: I don't have time to read everything here right now, but I did want to respond to man-hating red herring with a quote that I think summarizes well.
"If you think I hate men then you must be defining 'men' as people who are fundamentally sexist a... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 10 November 2011: There's one thing about cheating that's always bothered me. I don't understand why the cheater is always expected to stop cheating but the partner is never expected to accept an open relationship? I also don't understand why when one partner uses... (read in full...)
Is it bad to fake an orgasm?
Q. If you fake an orgasm while your partner is trying to please you, is it rude? Me and my bf (of about a year) were having some fun a few days ago, and he was trying to get me to orgasm with his fingers, and it felt good, but after a while I realiz...
A. 10 November 2011: Unfortunately MANY women cannot reach orgasm with a partner and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you if you need some help. Many women can't get there without a vibrator. Can you have an orgasm when you masturbate?... (read in full...)
Is it bad to fake an orgasm?
Q. If you fake an orgasm while your partner is trying to please you, is it rude? Me and my bf (of about a year) were having some fun a few days ago, and he was trying to get me to orgasm with his fingers, and it felt good, but after a while I realiz...
A. 10 November 2011: It's deceitful, dishonest, and cruel to both him and to yourself. Faking orgasms is almost always a bad idea. Don't tell him you faked it, you will utterly devastate him.
It's one thing (and probably totally OK) to fake an orgasm with a one nigh... (read in full...)
I find it hard to believe this girl is totally inexperienced!
Q. I'm reposting, because I accidentally posted this as a girl. I'm a guy, so if possible could you post this question again but as a guy asking, sorry for the inconvenience! I don't understand it, I met this girl who is breathtakingly b...
A. 10 November 2011: Because being attractive has nothing to do with the value you place on virginity.... (read in full...)
My wife shared a hotel room with a male colleague!
Q. Is it ever OK for a married woman to spend the night in a hotel room with another man? My wife has been working at this new job for 2 years. The company scheduled an out of town trip for seminars which will help her get a promotion that s...
A. 9 November 2011: I agree your wife needs some assertiveness classes. Sexiling is something that happens your first year of college. Not at a professional conference. I'm guessing your wife is just not a very outspoken person about this sort of thing?... (read in full...)
My wife shared a hotel room with a male colleague!
Q. Is it ever OK for a married woman to spend the night in a hotel room with another man? My wife has been working at this new job for 2 years. The company scheduled an out of town trip for seminars which will help her get a promotion that s...
A. 9 November 2011: I honestly think she was just frazzled about being displaced. If I was in her situation I would have called to ask if it was OK, but I'd stake money on it that absolutely nothing happened. If she had cheated she wouldn't have told you any of this. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is setting up secret online relationships. HELP!
Q. My boyfriend was on the Internet last night and I found out he was index websites and he had set up a profile saying he wanted to meet girls for 1 on 1 sex or secret relationship he says he was only messing but not sure I'd should believe him please ...
A. 9 November 2011: "I was only joking!" Seems to be the number one fallback for cheaters caught on dating sites because honestly, is there anything else he could try to say that you would believe? The most innocent possible answer is that he was looking for an ego ... (read in full...)
We have not spoken for over a week and its his birthday tomorrow. What to do?
Q. I need this advice before the end of today. Me and my boyfriend had a disagreement and we have not spoken for a week and three days. Even though he was at fault I was willing to forgive him so I called him last Thursday but no response. I did leave ...
A. 9 November 2011: I agree with CaringGuy. It's ridiculously immature to have a disagreement and just shut you out like that for that long. Especially ignoring you after you tried to make peace. I think if he wants to play like that, let him have all the space he ... (read in full...)
I need help preparing a marriage proposal
Q. Ok I always help folks here now I need YOUR help... My boyfriend and I are a very non-traditional couple. He is 13 years younger than I am (he's 38 and I'm 51) We were Long Distance We started out as NSA/FWB (I was in an open marriag...
A. 9 November 2011: So do means toilet and doo doo is two year old speak for poop. Really we should all be saying, I poop instead of I do?... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 9 November 2011: The porn industry generates into the double digit billions of dollars annually. Many of the largest media corporations in the country own numerous pornography companies and if we've learned anything about our government, it's that it's basically run ... (read in full...)
Married 10 years and I've never gotten a blow job!
Q. Im married for 10 years now , ans never gave me a bj how can I change that she said she never will because she's not an animal she only likes one poaittion. She hates doge style as we'll how can I change that because im locking around now and don't ...
A. 8 November 2011: This is only beginning to bug you after 10 years? This sounds less like a case of being sexually frustrated and more like a problem of general restlessness that tends to happen to a lot of after a long time in a marriage. Instead of looking for ... (read in full...)
I need help preparing a marriage proposal
Q. Ok I always help folks here now I need YOUR help... My boyfriend and I are a very non-traditional couple. He is 13 years younger than I am (he's 38 and I'm 51) We were Long Distance We started out as NSA/FWB (I was in an open marriag...
A. 8 November 2011: Oh I love the idea of hanging a banner on the 29th somewhere he'd never expect it, like on his way to work. Brilliant! You should definitely keep us updated on this.... (read in full...)
I need help preparing a marriage proposal
Q. Ok I always help folks here now I need YOUR help... My boyfriend and I are a very non-traditional couple. He is 13 years younger than I am (he's 38 and I'm 51) We were Long Distance We started out as NSA/FWB (I was in an open marriag...
A. 8 November 2011: How about you take him someplace that's really special to the two of you (like where you first said I love you or something similar), get down on one knee, take his hand and ask if he'll marry you? I'm just a sucker for classics, but I think simple ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 8 November 2011: I'm not judging anyone for their fantasies. Porn and fantasy are not the same. That's like saying writing a paper is the same as buying one online and turning it in as your own. Like buying a McDonalds burger and saying you cooked it. Fantasy is ... (read in full...)
I cheat on my boyfriend but I love him and! don't want to break up
Q. I cheat on my boyfriend and am more uninterested then I used to be, but I love him and don't want to break up. What is wrong with me? I'm not a victim and I'm not looking for sympathy. What I have done is wrong and I have issues that I need to fix, ...
A. 8 November 2011: It sounds to make like you just want to make sure there's something better for you before you break up. That you don't want to be on your own at all. I think you need to just end things. It's not fair at all to him.... (read in full...)
My fiance is beginning to feel unattractive because I don't want sex often, is there something wrong with me?
Q. I'm a 22 year old college student and I never want sex. I have a wonderful fiance who is starting to feel unattractive because of how little I want/need sex. :( When we do have sex, it's amazing, so I'm thinking the issue is on my part. Is there ...
A. 7 November 2011: How little is "little?" Do you orgasm every time (and easily)? Do you feel attractive to your fiancée?... (read in full...)
How can I get my husband to want sex more?
Q. Im worried my husband doesnt want to have sex with me he says he is tired all the time we do have sex on a saturday and its just the same nothing changes i love him fancy him and lust over him its just that i dont want a predictable sex life i have ...
A. 7 November 2011: You should try talking to him more seriously and don't let him end the conversation with "I'm just tired." You should tell him how you feel and that you feel your needs aren't being met. Don't criticize his behavior as that will guaranteed make him ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she's only been with 2 men, but I don't believe her. Am I right?
Q. I dont know what to do. I have been with my girlfriend for the last 5 years, but I cant trust her. I am 25 and she is 24. She has told me that she has had two boyfriends before me who she had sex with, but I have heard that she has had more. I think ...
A. 7 November 2011: What is your evidence that she's lying about this other than gossip? Also if she was going to lie to you, don't you think she'd stick to saying she was a virgin?
Given the way you're reacting I think you should just dump her. You're emotiona... (read in full...)
Is it time to exit this relationship? His actions are scaring me. Plus my Bf watches porn everyday and that he's been calling gay chat lines.
Q. Need some help.. Basically last weekend I went on my boyfriends phone and found he watches porn everyday and that he's been calling gay chat lines.. Which I really dont understand. He said he rang it as needed someone to talk to, but a gay chat line...
A. 7 November 2011: Everyone else has this covered pretty well, to add, I know you love him, but it's not your job to be abused to prevent him from hurting himself. You cannot change other people, you can only change yourself. You can't prevent him hurting himself, but ... (read in full...)
My brother's fiancée is cheating, do I show him the proof or not?
Q. Hi I am in a bit of a dilemma, I was invited by a friend onto a dating site called Badoo. So I joined to see what it was as I had no idea, and I came across a profile for my borther's Fience (definitely her as it was her picture) stating that she is ...
A. 7 November 2011: I think you should tell your brother. I know you don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but if it turns out she was cheating you wouldn't want him to legally bind himself to her.... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 7 November 2011: Her study was published in a well-respected peer-reviewed journal. She was most likely asked to speak because they wanted to hear about her study. Given that she didn't organize the event, she would have had to be invited, again most likely because ... (read in full...)
Am I a normal female?
Q. am i a normal female?please help .there is this one time i was making love with my boyfriend and lots of fluids came from me.i mean it was like water was pouring from a tap of water.this has never happened and i am freaking out.he says am normal and ...
A. 7 November 2011: Sounds like you ejaculated, it's perfectly normal. Many women wish they could do this. Just put down some towels next time and enjoy.... (read in full...)
Has anyone else has had an experience or knows anything about Microgynon 30 increasing pain and breast volume?
Q. I'm on my second tray of Microgynon 30 pills and for the last few days my breasts have been incredibly painful and my bras have been feeling tight and restrictive. I was a 34B last time I was measured and have been a 34B since the age of 14 (I'm 16 ...
A. 7 November 2011: The pill can cause breast tenderness and growth in some women. It's a very common side effect. If it persists you can talk to your doctor about switching pills.... (read in full...)
Is my hiv risk high?
Q. A month ago I had unprotected sex with a guy who possibly has multiple partners. however, he said he's clean. 4 days later i had unprotected sex again with another guy. is my hiv risk high?...
A. 6 November 2011: It's not highly likely but you should get yourself tested to be sure. Other STDs are much more prevalent (and generally more treatable).
More importantly you need to stop having unprotected sex. It's stupid to gamble with your health rather t... (read in full...)
Should I get a nose job when I am older?
Q. Okay, so I know my questions are always kind of superficial. I am young! I don't have very many deep issues in my life right now. But I have this persistant thought at the back of my head all the time, and it is this: Should I get a nose job ...
A. 6 November 2011: I always hated my nose too, it has a bump in the middle. I was super self-conscious and saved up for a nose job. It didn't help that I got teased for it in middle school. But I never went through with it and I'm happy I didn't. In college I had boys ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn't talk to me at his birthday-party! Did I overreact?
Q. It was my boyfriend's birthday and he invited a lot of friends to his house. The problem is he stopped to chat with everyone but me and that got me really upset. He often looked at me to see if I was doing ok, but I kinda missed him and started ...
A. 6 November 2011: It seems like he just got caught up with his friends. I think it's reasonable for you to be upset (though not quite so upset maybe) but it's also reasonable for him to get caught up. I think you should just count this as a crappy night and move on. ... (read in full...)
Can you get sick from giving blowjobs?
Q. Hello, so im going to go sraight to the point, i gave my boyfriend a blow job, he asked first and i said no but he kept asking and i gave in i didnt do it for long at all he deffinitley didnt ejaculate because i told him i didnt want him too in my ...
A. 6 November 2011: Also I just saw you are in the UK, you can buy something called gravol tjhat's very effective. If you think you're contagious though send a parent or someone.... (read in full...)
Can you get sick from giving blowjobs?
Q. Hello, so im going to go sraight to the point, i gave my boyfriend a blow job, he asked first and i said no but he kept asking and i gave in i didnt do it for long at all he deffinitley didnt ejaculate because i told him i didnt want him too in my ...
A. 6 November 2011: No sounds like you're just sick. Try chewing on some crystallized ginger or slicing fresh ginger into hot water. If you have a tummy bug and it's making you vomit don't eat or drink ANYTHING for four hours after you throw up as it will help prevent ... (read in full...)
My wife is lazy
Q. I have been married for a couple of years now and most things are fine but I find my wife is lazy. This laziness does not extend to her work, as she works very hard and for long hours (we both do), its every other aspect of our lives she is lazy. I ...
A. 6 November 2011: You should hire someone to clean. It's not hugely expensive in most places to just get someone to come in every other week or so. If you're both working long hours it would solve that.
Like someone else said, she sounds like she might be sufferin... (read in full...)
FWB: do any of you think that we will ever be together properly? Or am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi everyone this is my situation I have been in a fwb sort of situation for about 8 months now. Naturally I want more than this. So to find out how he really felt about me I made him jealous he came around one morning and I told him I had a date comi...
A. 6 November 2011: As CindyCares said, schedule a date for New Years Eve and remain friends until then. Once a person in a FWB situation develops feelings there are only two things that can happen, you have to stop seeing each other or you start dating officially. I ... (read in full...)
I want to stay faithful. How can I control my attraction to this other gorgeous gal?
Q. Thank you for listening. I have a major problem. I have been with this girl for a few months and I like her a lot. She doesnt trust people often and is happy with me. I take pride in keeping her happy and she loves that. The problem is, I met this...
A. 6 November 2011: "How do I control this? Should I get to know the new girl a little more?"
That's a bit like saying you're developing an addiction to cocaine so you'd like to do some more cocaine just to be sure. If you want to remain with your current girlfrie... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is becoming a mysognist (hate women).Any ideas why he has suddenly become like this? Can I change his mind?
Q. Ok, some advice please. My boyfriend has always been slightly sexist- men do this better, women shouldn't do that job, etc. It never caused a problem between us, and sometimes was rather sweet when he would act really chivalrous. However this s...
A. 6 November 2011: No you can't change his mind, you can only change yourself. Meaning change boyfriends. You don't want to spend time with someone who believes women want to be raped and that bitch is a synonym for woman. Dump this self-centered bigot.... (read in full...)
Poll: What do you believe is synonymous with losing your virginity?
Q. Ok, I want to know. I randomly thought of this today, and I wanted to hear everyones opinion on this, because I'm interested in what other people think. What, in your mind, is the loss of virginity? For girls: Is it breaking your hymen? I...
A. 6 November 2011: Virginity only has to do with penetration by a penis in a vagina.... (read in full...)
Birth control and tumors-does anyone think their is a connection?
Q. Dear Cupid. I am 17 yrs old and am diagnosed with a benign tumor in my breast. They call it "fibroadenosis". I've also been on birth control for 7 months but have not told the doctor. Does anyone think me being on birth control has anything to do ...
A. 5 November 2011: There is no known connection between birth control and tumors.
Why wouldn't you tell your doctor you were on birth control? They need to know EVERY medication you are taking. It's not as though they will tell your parents. They even know about NS... (read in full...)
Men - indifferent or very interested in being found attractive by the other sex?
Q. A question really for guys I guess, but I don't mind women answering - my friend and I are debating whether, if you know a guy say, through friends or somewhere like work and you don't see them that often but are friendly and would, for example, ...
A. 5 November 2011: I think it just varies on the person. Lots of women feel like that, lots of men don't (and visa versa). It has more to do with your own personal security than gender.... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 5 November 2011: And by impartial you of course mean doesn't show harm? None of the studies I discussed were funded by a special interest group. The only studies I have found that found a neutral or positive effect from porn viewing were examining a cathartic effect ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 5 November 2011: I'm still completely dumbfounded by people who believe getting informed about/learning about something is less credible than forming a quick emotional opinion.
Also, porn is part of "the media." Oprah is also part of "the media." Since when wer... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 5 November 2011: Odds, universities are notoriously horrendous at reporting rape and making public any rape statistics on campus. Not because universities are trying to discriminate and get in the way of the law but because they know parents don't want to send their ... (read in full...)
Hubby gettin porn in emails!
Q. I am a 60 year old women who has been blind sited by my husband's use of porn and emails. As both of us worked and I never saw his work computer I had no idea he received emails from his "buds" that contained naked women, porn video's,s and m, and ...
A. 4 November 2011: Anon I was talking about him using porn (saving videos and photos to look at). I'm not sure why you say it's not affecting their relationship at all. She's clearly describing how this is negatively affecting her, therefore it's negatively affecting ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 4 November 2011: I'm sorry I suppose I should have clarified, those 10:1 and 100:1 comments were not meant to be taken literally. It is a figure of speech to mean a lot versus very little. Perhaps that's not a common thing to say in Canada? Though if you're talking ... (read in full...)
I thought men like it when their girlfriend masturbates in front of them! Who is in the wrong here?
Q. When i masterbate my boyfriend will either roll over or not acknowledge me at all. i asked him to help me he said " why you can do it better yourself" i thought guys liked it when their girl does this, (i usually only do it after giving him oral and ...
A. 4 November 2011: There are two ways to read this:
By randomly getting into bed and masturbating in front of him you're sending the message that you'd rather just take care of yourself than let him or do it with him. Men don't like when their girlfriends mast... (read in full...)
How should I ask this girl out over facebook?
Q. Over the past couple of days I’ve met a girl at university. We seem to be mutually interested in each other and I think I have a more than decent chance of successfully asking her out. Despite the fact she’s on my course, we are doing completely ...
A. 4 November 2011: If you see her, definitely ask her out in person. But otherwise I think you should go for it over facebook while you're still fresh in her mind.... (read in full...)
Hubby gettin porn in emails!
Q. I am a 60 year old women who has been blind sited by my husband's use of porn and emails. As both of us worked and I never saw his work computer I had no idea he received emails from his "buds" that contained naked women, porn video's,s and m, and ...
A. 4 November 2011: I wish I could tell you something encouraging. Unfortunately many men still believe it is their right to objectify women and to hurt their partners to satisfy their libidos. You're not wrong for feeling this way, but if he's completely unwilling to ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 4 November 2011: Because the larger effect of personal choice is more important than instant gratification for one person. Because it's short-sighted and ignorant to form an opinion on something based on gut feeling in direct opposition to statistics and facts. ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 3 November 2011: Fetishes are exclusively a male disorder. A true fetish is actually fairly rare. A fetish is classed as a disorder, someone who compulsively HAS to be turned on by doing something "abnormal." Like the guy I once dated claiming to have a foot fetish ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 3 November 2011: About the music industry, I assume you're unfamiliar then with the numerous violent sexual assaults that took place that used music videos as choreography? For instance at a New York City festival multiple women walking were through a crowd were ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 2 November 2011: 20% of men admit to doing something that legally counts as sexual assault during their lives. This was a massive study cited during the senate hearing on rape in the United States. I didn't claim that 20% sexually assault women due to porn, just ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 1 November 2011: Actually k_c100 the vast majority of porn is violent, 88.2% of mainstream pornography contains violence. While I think the TV show here was a bit sensationalist, the link between watching sexual violence and becoming aggressive/violent is very clear ... (read in full...)
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